lonelyfish Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Just wondering, does anyone ever have doubts prior to seeing their LDR?? I met my guy in October, flew out on the opposite coast to see a friend then spent a few days with him in November. I wasn't expecting anything much but I knew we would have a good time. We had a GREAT time actually. We just clicked. In the past four months we've mainly just communicated by email though talk every so often. It is very casual. I think we are both not ready to jump into anything just yet. It is really hard getting to know someone without face to face contact. Though like in other threads I've read, I feel like I'm making more of an effort. The first time I went out to see him it was like no big deal - I just kept it cool and concentrated on having a good time. But now that it's my second time going out to see HIM, I'm not sure how I should feel. Do I just keep my cool again and be the "fun girl" that I was the last time. I like this guy and maybe like him, I am just exploring the possibilities but at the same time I don't want to be thought of as a girl he just plays games with. Maybe I'm just a little more nervous the 2nd time around for there is "more pressure" for some type of actual "relationship" to start or I would at least hope there could be. Perhaps I should go out there again, have a blast (I am on vacation for a week) and just see where it leads to after I have left??? LDR's so suck!](*,) Thanks for any input or advice! Link to comment
MissIndigo Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I think taking the attitude that you are on vacation with a cool friend is the healthiest. You will know after this second meeting if there is a chance for more, and whether or not there will be something to talk about to keep up with in the future. Having these anxieties is completely normal before visiting a long-distance interest. When I was in an LDR I could experience everything from pure elation to complete doubt about the plans for the visit, all in the span of a few seconds. I may make it clear though, that if there is the potential for a relationship with this person and that's what you want, that you are interested in pursuing a proper relationship. If the guy agrees, great, keep talking and discuss on what terms a relationship could proceed. If he doesn't agree, better to come to a conclusion while you are on still a friendly plane with him, even if it's a bit disappointing. (I speak from experience!) Good luck! Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Where did you guys meet? Do you have a lot of communication with him? Has he mentioned anything to you about having a bit more then just friends? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 LDRs can be tough, and they're definitely not for the constitutionally weak. They have their upside, though, or there wouldn't be so any people in them and a section of this website devoted entirely to the subject. Those who knock the LDR experience every chance they get (not meaning you, but I anticipate some negative posts in this thread) just have never had a good one. I think the doubts that visit you are the same 'cold feet' syndrome that most people get before their weddings. The first few meetings with someone you're already emotionally invested in is a major event, after all, and it's surely natural to muse on what might go wrong. You owe it to your BF just to be your normal self when you go to see him. If he's falling for someone that you're really not, trouble's a-brewin'. There's my two cents; hope you find it useful Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 To the two posters before me: people don't make plans to get together from accross the country just to hang out and be friends. There must be potential for more at both ends here, or one or the other wouldn't bother. Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 True somebloke but this is the second time SHE is going out to see him. Other then commitments that can't be left why could he not make plans to see her? Link to comment
lonelyfish Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Great advice to all thanks! I have been totally playing it cool, but yes Missindigo is right - I should bring something up with this guy or at least mention what somebloke said if I'm looking for something more: "people don't make plans to get together from accross the country just to hang out and be friends. There must be potential for more at both ends here, or one or the other wouldn't bother." Great point!! Link to comment
MissIndigo Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 To the two posters before me: people don't make plans to get together from accross the country just to hang out and be friends. There must be potential for more at both ends here, or one or the other wouldn't bother. You have a point, but I've done it just as friends, when there was nothing more at stake. Also to the OP--if you do get the drift that you may just be the "fun girl", don't prolong the relationship, especially if you feel like you may be putting forth more of the effort. Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 You have a point, but I've done it just as friends, when there was nothing more at stake. I stand corrected. I should have said, "People don't usually make plans to get together from accross the country just to hang out and be friends, unless they're rich." Link to comment
MissIndigo Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Hehe, funny. Lonelyfish, wishing you the best. Link to comment
Thunderforce Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Lonelyfish we are at the exact same stage!!! I'm going to visit my LDR also for the second time in two weeks! We are going to spend 4 day's together during Easterbreak. I'm feeling the same as you ... trying to be light and the fun girl he got to know but at the same time I feel I need to know if he sees me as 'for the time being' or potential for a relationship. If he's in it for the first option... I'm out! I could take it lighter if he was just living around the corner but this is a different situation ... I can't afford to just play the fields! Link to comment
lonelyfish Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Hi Thunderforce, I'm leaving in two weeks to see my guy too. Actually, I talked to him last night and I feel better. I was thinking way too much and hadn't talked on the phone with him in some time. Our conversation was light-hearted but fun and I'm sure we'll have a blast while I'm visiting him. I too could take things so much lighter if he lived around the corner! It's a little more serious when your flying accross the country to see someone. So I know this guy likes me, I just want to make sure he's "into me" and I'm not one of many girls that he sort of likes. I'm going to see how it goes while I'm with him. I try to go with my gut instincts on things. I'll be with him for 10 days so going to wait and see if the topic of "us" comes up and casually bring something along those lines up when and if the right time presents itself. Not that I want a commitment, kind hard having 3000 miles between us, but just want to know that I'm someone special in his eyes!!! We will definitely have to catch with each other after we both get back to see how things went! Good luck and yeah, I think we should both concentrate on having a great time and let the other stuff fall into place! Link to comment
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