Mixed signals and waiting, I need intereptation!

[unluckythirteen]

My boyfriend and I split up about two months ago.

The whole problem here is that he's afraid he cannot trust me in the relationship due to the way I was before we started going out. .. and I also ended the relationship towards the end (over a fight, the break up lasted not even two days) While in the relationship with him, I was completely honest, caring, supportive, and loyal. He's afraid I will break his heart again and we'll do nothing but fight over it during the relationship.

 

We lived together for a year, and have been together for 2 years. It's been hard.

 

Now since the break up, he's been constantly trying to be friends with me. He nows how I feel, I tell him. I ask him how he feels, he tells me... he still loves me, misses me and cares a lot about me, but he can't be with me right now.

We still hold hands, cuddle, kiss,.. we still have sex, talk almost every day.... I still feel like we're going out.

I've approached him about just getting back together, but he says "not right now, I don't want to get back together." Basically giving me the reasons that he's scared to. But then he'll say that he doesn't know how he'll feel a week from now, a month from now, or if he will ever change his mind.

 

I can tell by his actions when he's around me that he misses me and still loves me a lot. He'll just stare are me and with tears in his eyes. His words back that up, him telling me he misses me, loves me, cares about me... even calls before bed, to see what position I'm laying in so he can pretend I'm next to him. Compliments me constantly. We do things now we never did while dating.

 

Now last night, he took me out on a "date". (yes, we call it a date). He cried for a half hour on my shoulder last night (I have cancer, he knows this) about how worried he is about me... then after that, we had ice cream and went off to the movies. It was an amazing nigtht, probably the best date we ever had. He called me RIGHT after I dropped him off to tell me how happy I made him.

Now when he dropped me off... he said "everything will be ok.."

 

 

Does this sound like we're on the road to getting back together? Should I just give it a little more time and let things feel themselves out?

 

I'm so confused over this... his words and actions feel real, but I'm afraid of being hurt again.

 

Please, anyone help!

[Princess777]

Hello,

 

It sounds to me like he is getting everything he wants from you without the burden of making a committment to you - your companionship, sex, etc. Think about that for awhile and about how that makes you feel.... do you think that's fair? Doesn't it make you feel like you're being taken advantage of? I think it would make me feel that way. However, if you are happy with that arrangement then that's okay, but I think you're not because you love him. I would sit down with him and tell him exactly what you want from him and ask him if he wants the same. If he says no then definitely don't have sex with him anymore! If you feel strong enough to be able to be friends with him then that is your choice but personally I could never do that after your past. Take your own feelings into account here and forget about what you think he feels. He will let you know what he feels. I think he may be scared because of your illness too and that's not a good sign... he may be afraid he won't be able to handle being there when you really need him and he doesn't want to let you down... Hope this helps some!

Princess777

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I agree with princess that he's getting what he wants, but I don't think that its fine to leave things alone if that's what your comfortable with. For a couple reasons from my resent past I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but in this case you have to. It ether has to be that he's with you or he's not. You can still be friend but the constant calls and physical contact have to stop if he decides not to be with you. I know it's hard, but if you want things to get better than you have to do it.

[unluckythirteen]

He's asked me. As much as I would LOVE to believe he's an a*hole and get over him.. he's not. He asked me flat out if I'm okay with doing those things. I've even said, friends don't do that. He respected my decision, but I LIKE doing those things and I feel comfortable with them.

 

He could have any one else, really. If he's that lonely, he could fish in the sea for the loneliness cure. I've known him for years and was even his best friend before we started dating... I've seen him through relationships with me. He's not the type to use or lead on... especially in my case, I have cancer. He knows that would kill me.

 

I actually just got off the phone with him.. he told me he was going to take me out shopping tomorrow to cheer me up... and take care of me after I'm out of the hospital tomorrow morning. I told him he doesn't have to.. and to go out with his friends and have a good time, his reply:

"I rather be happy with you"

He also said that what happened between us is the last thing on his mind right now.

 

So I don't know.... I think there's more to what meets the eye here.

He's treating me better than when we were going out.

I'm not sure if this is a sign for us slowly getting back together or what...