To hear or not to hear.....

[jordan1234]

One thing that i have noticed is that there are two kind sof exes and reconcilliation. Some hear from their exes (texts, calls, emails) and some hear nothing. It seems though, that there is little that differentiates weather that means they get back together or not.

 

It seems almost 50-50....you can hear out fo the blue they want to get back, or thorough a series of calls and texts over time with them trying to gain contact (even jsut to be friends).....so i am curious what people think. Does it make it better if you hear, or if you do not hear? As i said it seems 50-50....

[darkpumpkin]

It all depends on why you split up. I wouldn't say 50-50. I think a majority of ex's need to take time away and time with other people to realize that a relationship was right. I think ex's who contact right away have less of a chance of getting back together but that is just an opinion.

[GoSox07]

Well, I suppose it goes back to the old adage that nothing that you can do will influence whether or not an ex will come back (in this case, consistent communication).

 

My presonal opinion is that if there was a chance that your ex was going to come back, they would show some sign of communication, even if it was only every 2-3 months or so. To go total NC to me indicates that they are "totally over it".

 

I wondered the same thing about a month ago, but now I wouldn't take my ex back even if she wanted to. Would I answer her call? Yeah, I guess... out of respect for what we once had, but that's about it. I know it's tough to not over-analyze every little piece of contact (or non-contact) from an ex, but it's easier in the long run to suck it up and move on (i.e. stop wondering).

[jordan1234]

yeah, i hear you.....i guess the reaosn why i wonder is when i have broken things off and not cared at all it was no big thing to talk to an ex. I would call and genuinely would want to be friends. To not be able to call because of how i felt or to not call (which has never hapened to me), i would only think if i wasnt over the person or had doubts. Thats why wonder if sometimes its better if you do not hear anything....

[darkpumpkin]

It is. To many people don't allow enough time to pass even before attempting a friendship. I had to make one of my ex's stop contacting me so he could get over it then we could be what I wanted...which was friends. It worked.

[hennypenny3288]

Darkpumpkin, why does there have to be time to pass before a friendship is attempted. Don't people want to try to have friends with thier ex's. It helps to cushion the breakup.

[darkpumpkin]

You can't cushion a break-up. Unless you both wake up one day and go....hmmm I don't have any feelings or attraction towards you at all. From what i know and have read and experianced one person is always hurt. Even when they know that the relationship should end and it's a good thing lonelyness will creep into their lives. You feel pain, you learn from pain. You can't put it off by having an ex cushion the fall

[GoSox07]

I've tried to make a friendship work immediately following a breakup - this is generally ok for the dumper, but the dumpee usually gets hurt (more so than they are already).

 

If you think about it, the dumpee (usually) will use this newfound friendship to try to leverage it back into a romantic relationship. They probably have some "Master Plan" that they plan to slooowwwwly implement to win back their ex, when the ex is probably just expecting a way to ease their guilt and to have a fallback guy/girl. I know, because I've been the guy with the Master Plan (and the guy trying to ease my guilt!)

 

The time it takes for a friendship to be feasible will vary greatly person to person and relationship to relationship. The longer the relationship was, the longer it will take before both parties are healed enough to actually become friends (and only friends). I'm finally becoming friends again with a girl that I dated for 3 years in college - we broke up in 2001! We can now talk about our love lives, future plans, hell if she didn't live in a different city than I'd go on a double-date with her.

 

The same cannot be said of the 3-year relationship that ended for me in February. I would be fooling myself if I said that I wouldn't use friendship to lead to something more with her. It just wouldn't work. I have enough friends already - besides, my ex doesn't like watching sports and drinking beer!

[jordan1234]

I guess my point is more geared towards reconcilliation.....I realize that there is time needed before any friendship, but my question is more if people feel that compltete time apart has (for those that reconcilliation is int he cards) and no contact from the dumper led to reconcilliation, or there is more of a sign of reconcilliation if you hear more fromt he ex. I feel its 50-50...but its an intersting question. to me it seems if there is some level of feelings towards reconcilliation, it is a better sign to hear nothing (unless they are with someone else of course), since it shows THEY are still torn (and possible regretful). while if they call and want to be friends they have moved on and are unaffected....agree? this is not based on a personal situation, mearly a theory

 

For example, i have had two exes that i broke up with that it was no big deal to call and talk to. I would often call them to hang out or try to be friends and it was no big deal since i had gotten over it. I broke up with another girl and it was very hard, and i just couldnt call her because i knew it would lead me to want to maybe get back (and i wasnt sure)....im just wondering if people feel the same