Aching

[whatsthestory]

its come to a point! im a broken man i have just had the worst couple of hrs since she ran off over 3 months ago!

 

i am a poor excuse for a human being.... i dont know what to do,, its like someone has opened up all the wounds again i feel so bad!

 

i am aching for her again. IAM LITERALLY ACHING FOR HER

 

I CANT DO IT ANYMORE.. IM ALIVE BUT I AM DEAD

 

WHAT CAN I DO.. WHERE CAN I GO FROM HERE?

 

MY HEAD FEELS LIKE ITS GOING TO EXPLODE!

 

I AM SO SAD AND LONELY, I JUST CANT SNAP OUT OF IT

[darkpumpkin]

I want to tell you magical words that will make it better but I don't think I can. But please hang on and one day you will snap out of it. Believe that.

[catren]

I have felt exactly like you. Really, I didn't want anyone to tell me it gets easier or that I should do things to keep my mind off him or that all it takes is time. I didn't want to hear any of this because I didn't want to get over him. I just wanted him back.

 

I am slowly, but surely, feeling better although there are still moments when I ache with every fibre of my being.

 

For me to feel better, I had to face the truth - that we were finished - and to let myself feel that unbearable pain. I think that perhaps this current pain you are feeling may result from a new acceptance of the end of the relationship.

 

Really, nothing is sadder than facing the truth of what is happening and giving up hope that it's over. I think that hope that we hold on to damages us more and keeps us from moving past the break up.

[terk2021]

As the website says, enotalone. You are not alone my friend. Most of us out here are going through similar things, or have been through similar things and want to come out here and share experiences as to what they have gone through and how they have heeled from them. I have been posting here for 8 months about my story, and I will tell you, there are ups and downs, and they don't go away for a while.

 

Being in love can be the most incredible feeling on the face of the earth. When we are with someone that makes us feel so wonderful, nothing can replace it. When that goes away, the feelings are virtually the exact opposite. I have been battling internally to ask "what if", "why", "how", "what can I do". I did that for so long. Some people can just end a relationship whether being the dumpee or dumper and just simply move on and accept it for what it is.

 

I am not one of those people. I do know that a few years ago, I had a relationship come to an end and I could not get off of the couch for at least 3 months. I did not care about myself, my job, or anyone or anything around me. I am not sure exactly what snapped me out of it, but having my friends basically drag me off the couch and get me out helped alot. I started going out and meeting people again. I dated at least 6 or 7 people in as many months. In reality, no one was the one that I felt ruined my world months ago.

 

I found someone else, that within a few dates, I forgot all about the one from my past. Was it time? Was it her? I will never know exactly what flipped the switch. I think it's that I finally let my past go, and learned that the person in front of me was someone that I liked. That relationship went very far and became very close to marriage (another long story in many posts I have out on this site). We did not get married, and I found myself right back where I was just a few years ago. The couch became my home again, I could care less about my job, and anything else around me. Well, that was 8 months ago. I was off the couch a little quicker, and started going out again and having fun. The difference her was I bought my latest heartbreak a house for her and her 6 year old daughter that virtually became my daughter for the 1.5 years we were together. I started to heal quicker from this one, but the reminders are 10 times more painful because I walk into the dream house I bought them every day. I am just glad her name was no where to be found on the paperwork. I had a great few months the past 2 after getting through the roughest holiday season of my life, but some things have come back into my life with my ex to deal with things, and memories come right back up. So, I am not heading back to the couch, but I am going to hurt for a few weeks over this.

 

If there was a magic formula to get over what most of us on this board have gone through, someone would be a very, very rich person for coming up with it.

 

I just wanted to share some of my experiences over the past few years with you. I don't know if it helps or not. There are many posts on how to heal out there on this site. It hurts to read some of the stories we have all gone through, but it's good to read some of the advice people have given. Everyone heals differently. Some are:

 

-writing down your thoughts and keeping a journal

-develop personal goals that you are in control of and no one else is

-remember who you were before you got into this relationship

-dive deeper into work and set some personal achievement goals

-get back out there

-join a group

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to grieve and go through a period of wanting to do nothing. It's natural, because we are all human. I am not a very religious person, but I keep in touch with some of the ministers of the church I go to on occasion. I will meet with them occasionally during the week. The one thing that sticks with me is that God has a plan. This person hurt me more than she will ever know, and most likely does not care. They tell me that there is a plan for me, and I need to go on and keep living life. It's the hardest things to do sometimes.

 

I do know this though. If I never got off of my couch the 1st time, I would have never met the person I was going to marry. Granted, it did not work out and I am suffering from it, but I know that when I am able to heal from this, I will find someone that will be the one for me.

 

I wish you the best. Please keep writing out here. Tell us more about your story. No one will have a magic answer, but some of the replies you will get will be from people that have been there, and the ways they were able to heal.

 

You deserve to be happy. We all do.

[whatsthestory]

thanks for your replies pple! it makes me feel better knowing that im not completely alone... its just so easy to think that you are the only person going through all this !

 

I think that perhaps this current pain you are feeling may result from a new acceptance of the end of the relationship.

 

u maybe right with this commen catren! i think i might just be realising that i will never see, kiss, laugh, talk, touch her ever again! i cant believe i just admitted it... it kills

 

...and thankyou terk, thanks for your really kind words, i really appreciate it!

i feel for you in your situation... you sound like a very strong person!

 

i have slowly been trying to rebuild mylife, as mylife unbeknown to me was completely based around hers! i dont know how it got like that... at the start it was the opposite way round!

 

she says she grew out of me, she is 4 yrs younger than i am and in her final yr at uni! with my uncertainty with regards to my career and the distance problem we had (as she is at uni over 100 miles away) things just got too much!

 

we were doing fine for over a yr or so (i finished uni 1 1/2 yrs ago now) we were so solid as a couple.. i dont know how it crumbled!

 

she had friends who together with a number of other factors managed to somehow make her believe that she was better off without me!

 

towards the end i would see her every wk end but it was strained massively,,, i thought it was her stress of uni work and her gdad being ill but it turns out looking back that she was trying to let me down gently (even if she didnt realise it) for a good 3 months!

 

you see... the jigsaw didnt really fit anymore and she was unwilling to try make it fit!

 

i have so many regrets,,, i just cant see me having a connection with anyone else like i had with her! i still feel she is my southmate! she was everything i wasnt and more!

 

i think what i cant really get over is the fact that she thinks she can do better than me.... the person who i told my deepest secrets to and shared so much with couldnt give a dam about me at all! and the realisation taht she has moved on with herlife so cold heartedly will not go away!

 

dont get me wrong she had her downsides but i dont care abou them!

 

i just feel that she has left, improved her life by doing so and has a great future,,, i just cant see a future for me... i dont really have anything stable in my life right now!

 

i go to the gym most days and have begun reading self help books but these books are hardwork and really depressing to be honest.. i want to grab life but my hands are too wet! its always been hard for me to make decisions,, that really p-i ss *es me off

 

i want to be happy i want to feel content but i dont think i ever will!

 

thanks for reading this and i hope it gives you an insight into my messed up head and situation!

[catren]

Hey WTS, redsuede wrote this in a post a few days ago:

 

"Let the universe give you your life for what it is. This is lifes way of saying that you belong somewhere else. Do you have the strength to let life give you your life instead of YOU trying to go against the grain of something that is NOT working."

 

Thinking this way can be helpful. Please, don't glorify a relationship which likely had some problems. Please DO think about her negatives and the things about her that bothered you. I think we have a tendency to think of our exes as perfect for us, neglecting to remember the bad things.

 

I know this is hard, trust me, I know. But if we can't change things, we have to come to an acceptance of our reality - as hard as that is. And, as much as it sucks.

[whatsthestory]

ye i think im feeling abit better,,, lol panic over for now,, back to reality.. enough emotion for one day!

 

acceptance of reality! thats what its all about... i just wish i was a more positive person.... like my sister.. i always look on the negative .. i need to try and stop it! not an easy thing to change tho !!