Why?

[Lady Bugg]

I am just curious.....and please...I am not stereotyping.....but since I am a woman who dates MEN..I can only relate to this with MEN and not women.

 

That is....why do men SUDDENLY become interested...or "self righteous"

when you have dated them for months or even years...taking you for granted or treating you like crap....why do they suddenly seem more

interested when you tell them you have met someone else...or are involved with someone else? Is it because they are GENUINELY afraid of losing you or is it just their big FAT ego???

 

Even WORSE of course is when you tell them..and they act like they SUDDENLY care about your happiness..."I hope he treats you good' etc etc....

Any ladies relate?

[zippitt]

I can reply to this since I have been called out on it, and reflecting back I can get you some answers, although I think they vary from man to man.

 

I have been guilty of dating women to just date, this has since changed. During that time I would enjoy the romance phase and be very into that person. After the romance I would just get lazy, I would start to neglect my partners needs. There was no more excitement, I became lazy and stagnant, I didn't really care about my partners needs. I was very selfish, I only cared how I felt and what I could do to make me happy.

 

Eventually the GF would say she wanted to split up, then I tried everything I could to stay with that person. I would tell them how much I loved them, and started trying to do things for them. Too little too late, and why?

 

Because I was spoiled and because I wanted a companion, not a partner. I was in it to make myself feel better. I was scared to be alone. A lot of people get into relationships and think they can sit back and relax. Once people have hooked someone they have the mentality they don't have to try.

 

These guys obviously were not right for you, and it sounds like they wanted to be in a relationship without putting forth effort. They sound like they took your for granted and were not considerate of your feelings or needs. It's not to say these men did not actually have feelings at one point or still don't. Relationships can be work once you get past the romance phase.

 

Women are just as guilty as men, I would say that you have just had back luck or your approach to screening out men needs to change. You are by no means at fault, but if there is a pattern it needs to change. I assure you not all men are this way.

[maladjusted]

as zip said, women are just as guilty as men. i was with my ex for a year and a half and she was the one who took me for granted. i did a lot for her and finally got tired of getting nothing in return so i broke up with her. she then wanted me back and said she would work on some things to only go back to her old ways so yes i broke up with her again. so complacency works in both genders and not just men. i guess it all comes down to the person and what they are willing to give and have an appreciation for their partner.

[SarahRose]

What I want to know is why after you have told them they are neglecting you and you have said specifically what it would take to not feel neglected and they don't do it and you get fed up and leave is WHY do they act so surprised and shocked about it?

[JoeWho]

A lot of people just don't appreciate what they have until they loose it. Then once they loose it or think they are about to loose it, they have an awakening and suddenly realize they have been neglecting their s/o and will do almost anything to get them back or keep them if its not too late.

 

 

This happens with both men and women although it seems far more common for the man to neglect his s/o

[Portage]

A lot of people just don't appreciate what they have until they loose it. Then once they loose it or think they are about to loose it, they have an awakening and suddenly realize they have been neglecting their s/o and will do almost anything to get them back or keep them if its not too late.

 

 

This happens with both men and women although it seems far more common for the man to neglect his s/o

 

 

Well said. We always want what we can't have, and i think most people are driven by this cliche.

[washburn1243]

I'm sorry for how your relationship turned out. May you learn and grow from your past relationships, and find love and compassion in your next.

 

Offering a generalized profile regarding a sex, race, or creed is misleading at best. Accepting this profile as fact can disable ones ability to truly judge character.

 

All men are sex crazed liars, all women are gold diggers who use sex to as an incentive. These are compressed versions of two of the most common profiles I see put on people. It's obvious that both profiles are extremely unfair. Most of us have prejudicial profiles; maybe not as severe as these, but probably just as false.

 

It's tragic how our society constantly searches for truth in prejudicial profiles instead of learning how to truly judge the individuals character.

[ghost69]

it's territorial i think.