scared of getting hurt again

[longhaircats]

I had a bad breakup about 6 months ago, and I guess my head wanted to move on quicker than my heart did. Anyway, I've been on dates and every time I became to like someone more than others, I get very scared of getting hurt/ rejected and insecure. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't be myself when I start having feeling for someone.

 

I would like to know how people deal with insecurity in the beginning of a relationship. I had a plenty of long-term relationship in the past, but I've never felt so insecure before. Maybe I am not completely healed yet. I don't know. I have good friends, hobby, and profession that I absolutely devoted for, so I think I am quite independent, but I just don't know why I get so emotional when I find someone particularly attractive and want something more. Please give me advice how to deal with insecurity like this. I don't want to scare away someone I really like due to my insecurity.

 

Thanks!

[thlst3]

I have the same problem as well. I usually just keep the first few dates very casual. After a month or so, I decide if I'm going to still see this person... if yes, i'm open up about my past/insecurity. Not all of it. That would scare them away.

 

I'm sure your date has some insecurities as well. Just open up a little at a time.

[ghost69]

stay focused on them. don't lead them on. let them open up to you as well.

[rosie76]

I don't know how this is done, but I'm having the same trouble. As soon as things seem particularly good with the fellow I'm seeing now, I just want to pack my marbles and go home. There's no way around it - starting to see someone romantically is a gamble for both parties. I'm trying hard not to assume anything and actually focus on what he's like rather than on what I'm feeling. Very tricky in practice though. I've told him a bit about my feelings, but don't want to say too much for fear of that in itself making things too heavy too soon.

 

Good luck, and let me know if you find anything that works.

[ghost69]

it's because he is already attainable to your rosie. once you know you can have him the challenge is gone and it makes you not want them.