I Left My Husband... Now I Want Him Back!!! (Really Long)

[Becky35]

After 6 years of marriage, I left my husband because he refused to give up internet pornography and communicating online with other women.

I still loved him, but I wanted to get his attention! We had a nearly sexless marriage for 2 years due to his depression/anxiety disorders and his inattentiveness to my needs. All I could do was live one day at a time and pray to God that he would respond to me.

 

After 3 months of separation, I found out that he was back with his ex-girlfriend and she was living in our home! I was horrified! I became very angry and bitter with him, and I really wanted to trash her! In February of this year, I was served a copy of a petition for divorce by his sister. By the end of March, we were back together; however, he wanted to stay at our home until the bank forced him to move (we declared personal bankruptcy and lost everything). At first I was okay with his decision, but it seemed to me that he only wanted to spend the weekends with me to have sex. I was still pissed off that he had screwed his ex in MY bed in MY home! One weekend, I didn't feel like having sex, and he blasted me! He told me that HE felt rejected by me, after HE gave me $40 bucks for food and rented all the movies for the weekend. He demanded that I take him home the next morning.

 

Weeks went by, and he didn't want to see me. He had all kinds of excuses. When I finally told him that it wasn't fair for him to live as a "Single man," while keeping his little wife on the side, he told me that he would just set me free to find someone better than him. I let the issue go for 2-3 months thinking that he would come to his senses.

 

In mid-July, I went to our home to find that he was moving. I told him that I did not want a divorce, that I loved him, and that I wanted to have a fresh start with him. I told him I'd forgiven him and none of that crap mattered to me anymore. He was stunned to say the least, but he told me that he couldn't understand why I wanted him. He said he was nothing and worthless, and told me that I didn't know what I was asking. He also said that I didn't know what he'd been doing. He did say that we should get the divorce, and when he is better, get re-married. I didn't want a divorce!

 

I sent him emails and voice messages with biblical scripture to show him I cared because he would not answer his phone when I called. On July 27th he called me and blasted me again. He told me to stop sending him messages and to quit calling. He said it was over and that I was freaking him out with my "Religious," stuff! I was crushed.

 

On August 8th, I received the "Request to Enter Default," for the divorce since I did not respond to the petition; however, he has not filed the judgement. A lady at the courthouse told me he may be stalling.

 

I saw him a week ago, as I needed his signature on a response to a law-suit regarding our property. He looked horrible! Pale, unshaven, dirty-looking, over-grown hair, etc. I asked how he had been, and he told me that he was not well. He was really being worked by the agency (he's a computer tech.), and his anxiety levels were really high. I just wished I could have held him close. I missed him so much! I asked him if he went back to his ex. He told me that she wanted him back, but he told her "no," that he didn't want ANYONE!

 

I spoke with him the next day regarding the law-suit, and he thanked me for handling everything. Last Tuesday, I went to our home to retrieve any valuables that he left behind before the bank took the house. I found some cell-phone bills laying on the floor in his room. I noticed that he had been calling someone in Erie, PA every single day, 5-6 times/day, at ALL hours of the night for hours on end! Of course I was curious, jealous, scared, etc. I wrote the number down and when I got home, called the phone service to inquire about this number. I was told that for the entire months of 7/03 and 8/03 he was also making these calls. Now I know what you're thinking....don't call the number right? She may have caller-ID. Well, I waited til the next morning and despite my better judgement, called the number. Sure enough, a woman answered. I was just frozen stiff. I didn't say anything, just hung up. The phone rang back twice, then nothing. I called back to talk with her but her machine came on. Shortly after that, my husband called wanting his phone bill! I was nearly speechless. He blasted me, and told me that I was invading his private life, that our marriage was over and he didn't love me anymore. I asked if he loved this woman and he told me yes, and said he must love her because he called her all the time! He told me to quit calling him, or he was going to move to PA to be with her. I was so heart-broken! I love him so much! How in the world can someone after only 3 months, love somebody else 3000 miles away and only correspond via email or phone? I told him I'd never call him again. Later that day, I sent him an e-mail telling him goodbye, that I'd been spending a lot of time with someone and was going to take up his offer of making our relationship more intimate. (not really, but I was pissed!)

 

I want him back! He's still my husband and I love him! Will he get jealous and come back if he thinks there's someone else in my life, and is it entirely possible that he was lying about his feelings for this other woman because he was furious with me for spying on him?

[Princess777]

Hello,

 

So sorry to hear about this long, painful process you've had. As an outsider looking in on what you are describing, I SO sympathize with you, but I would suggest you let him go. Letting someone go is not easy for any of us who are so in love that we think we cannot live without them. However, it sounds to me like he is full of drama and deceit that you do not need. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that when it truly comes right down to it, I don't NEED anybody. Only when one is happy with herself and knows that the sun will still rise and set without a man in her life, will she be able to love another man when the right opportunity comes along. There are SO many fish in the sea.... don't give this man the power to make you miserable. He cannot be trusted and he has proven that..... actions always speak louder than words. That's what I always try to live by. We all have so many problems here but we are all here to support each other and give a lending hand when needed... I hope we can help you somehow through this.

Princess777

[Slypknot]

Hi Becky!

 

Your msg really saddened me. It's very hard to be in that spot - wanting someone so badly yet they refuse to go with you. It's a painful cycle which rarely ends in the couple reuniting.

 

There's not really a cut/dry answer. Things to ask youself are:

 

1. After 6 yrs of marriage why would your husband rather look at porn on the net and chat with online girls (who could have been men!) than to try and spend this time with you? There's probably more there than just his issues and chances are whatever was missing there will be repeated in the future if you two got back together unless both change.

 

2. You sound like a really nice woman who cares a great deal and has a spiritual background. Is this guy REALLY that good - it sounds like he had quite a bundle of issues? Or are you wanting him back because you can't imagine being on your own....divorced and alone? SF seeking SM? I only ask because at 30 I was faced with this same decision.... I seemed to believe somewhere that even though my wife had her MANY faults - that she was the last woman who could ever make me happy. How wrong I was. I had completely forgot that I am the only one who can make ME happy....a woman in my life would not.

 

See I used my marriage as a distraction from myself. I didn't like who I was but was able to focus on my wife's problems and our issues and that distracted me. By her no longer being in my life I was forced to face these things...which I still deal with today. But by growing through them it can only make me a better person - one who may meet a wonderful woman in the future who will appreciate it.....