Trust Issues

[Karibo]

Hiya

 

I have been with my bf for 4 months and am having some problems with trust on both sides. Basically my ex was abusive and cheated on me and his ex left him (i think for somone else).

 

Well, he is so lovely to me, very attentive, affectionate and open about his feelings. He seemed ecstatic when we got together because he says i'm 'gorgeous' and he doesn't consider himslef attractive at all. Well, the thing is he always seems worried when i go out with my friends and about my male friends because he knows i get alot of male attention and he's worried i'll cheat - he hasn't directly come out and said it but has text me when im out to check that i wasn't too drunk and asked me if i fancied one of my friends etc.

 

Well, I am exactly the same as him! He has loads of female friends most of whom he knows through his sister who he is very close to. He is the kind of guy who is very popular with everyone because he is so friendly. With his sister he is very affectionate and also with his female friends - ive seen pics of him holding their hands and hugging them for the photos and it makes me worry that he has feelings for them. He once showed me a pic of him and one of his female friends which could have been interpreted more than friends, as if he wanted to test my reaction to see if i would be upset to see if i do really like him.

 

What should I do? I don't know if i should trust him with these girls - he's known them for years. He has always made me come first over them when i have gone out with them, but then he seems too friendly in my eyes from the photos i see.

 

Once I told him that i'd glimpsed girls photos on his phone and he was insistant that he show me them - i was like 'no i trust you' but he insisted and they turned out to be commercial photos of models. He was very understaning about it.

 

Also he told me once that he'd never even think of another woman in the way he thinks of me as long as we are a couple. He knows how my ex treated me and he was very understanding about it and shocked when i told him he'd cheated on me.

 

What do you think? What should I do?

 

Thanks

[Honey Pumpkin]

It seems that you are communicating well, and these issues are evenly matched, which is kind of handy! That you are both feeling it. So does it help to know that if he won't cheat, you won't cheat, and vice versa?

 

I was looking at some sites about how to build trust, and one of the tips was being predictable. Which means that you are both consistent with each other - phone when you say you will, be where you say you will, generally actions supporting your words, so that you both become more confident in the other.

 

There are some articles here about how to build trust (on this site!) that you might want to have a look at as well:

 

 

 

Good luck!

[Karibo]

Thank you. I will look into reading those!