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CVLE73February 28, 2007 in Getting Back Together
Welcome. Your English is fine. I am sorry all this has happened to you.
I don't understand why he pulled back, because you did not tell him that you did not want to go, just that you were unsure and family issues should be understandable by anyone. You then told him you wanted to go and give it a shot. I think that is a perfectly good idea.
However, it could have also put a lot of pressure on him to stand up and know that you are serious. With you choosing to still give it a shot, even with family issues, proves to me that you are falling for him. It is possible that he neither wanted to take on the responsibility to make you happy with all the issues in your family life and that he now had to make a decision on how much he cared about you.
I also think that if you don't want to be with someone or are not sure how you feel, then don't send card at Christmas or Valentines. My ex called to wish me a happy Valentine's Day and I thought that was tacky. If they want to with us happiness as Valentines, then they should be with us.
What bugs me the most though, is that he is now back with his ex. That alone, should be a big enough red flag, that he couldn't even wait to be back with her. If nothing else, it tells me he still has feelings for her.
If her still cares for her, he shouldn't be calling you. Protect your heart and try your best not to call him.
So, what are you doing to heal yourself? Don't beat yourself up about sending the card for Christmas. One thing I have learned is that you have to follow your heart.
I love and miss my ex, but I was VERY unhappy. So, my responsibility to myself, is to find out why. Was it me, was it her or was it us.
You are right, that it is very confusing when someone says that they care for you and they are with someone else. Logic tells us, even in the most hurt of us, that if you say you love me, but sleep with someone else, how can you be telling me the truth.
See, I am going through the same thing. If you see me, hug me, kiss me, tell me you miss me, tell me that you are good now, because you got to see me, sign "I love you" when you leave AND then hardly talk to me when I am not around; well that quite frankly states that I don't mean squat.
What it also means is that if we are to heal, we have to start the healing ourselves and NC is a good way to start. If you think you might want to talk to him sometime later, then fine, but give yourself some time first.
So aren't you supposed to be in here posting more, so that you can heal and get it all out? ;-)
Why don't you block him from your msn?
Simple question. Do you want to have him in your life or not? Period. If you want to know why he is doing this, just ask! I'm so sick of people who are ambivalent whether they want their ex in their life or not, so as a result people play games which only leads to confusion and resentment.
First off, I'm tired of people thinking that they need to hide how they feel. Part of being human is showing emotion and being sad or hurt is part of the process of life. In essense, there is no need to ACT anything! People like to say that you should act cool and don't drive him away further. In my opinion, however, there is nothing destructive than pretending to be something for the sake of another person because of how he/she might react. That was one of my many lessons with my ex-girlfriend after she broke up with me. I accommodated her feelings in the hopes that I didn't drive her away and it ended up destroying me in the process worse than the breakup. I lost myself and it was my fault.
Look, CVL, if he is truly the one for you at this time, he would not be with his ex, nor would you feel the need to hid how you truly feel. Plain and simple, if he misses you he would do something about it. He hasn't. The reason that it is confusing is because you are allowing your fear to drive your choices regarding how you act around him, which with combined with your feelings towards him, makes the whole process worse. If you are confused, in other words, only you can stop it by asking him straight up what you want and how you believe you can get there. Ask him, without any inhibition, what he wants as well. Then, decide on a course of action between the two of you. If you feel that your needs aren't being met, both of you need to disappear from each other's lives for a bit until you can come back to the table a bit more clearheaded.
Of course, that all sounds so rational and I know it is difficult to implement, but one other thing I learned from my breakup is that if someone isn't willing to really engage the other person and discuss what each of you is feeling, then they are not the one for you. Wish you the best.
woops, apparently I printed twice on here.. I did not mean to do that.
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