Keeping someone interested in you......

[bigthings46]

People get sick of each other really easy these days and also lose interest. I was wondering what your thoughts are on keeping somebody interested in you. We all find out in the end the things that made them lose interest but what can we do to keep them around. I have heard you should be aloof and had no idea what that meant so I looked it up. (aloof: Detatched. Having no need, desire, or much (if any) awareness of other people and social relationships.) I also know people say to be busy and stuff.

 

Should you not answer your phone whenever they call? only here and there. Not really pursue someone your interested in and let them pursue you??? How do get them to pursue you? Ideas people

[EvaGina]

You dont play games...

 

You just make an effort to be fair, and to be fun and interesting when you are together.

 

Thats about it... it will fall apart anyway if you have to pretend to not be interested in order to keep their interest.

 

Most people grow out of that "treat em mean, keep em keen" thing...

[Batya33]

I make sure I have a busy fulfilling life aside from my boyfriend and that keeps things interesting in several ways - first I have interesting stories/anecdotes to share with him and second it means I am not needy for his attention.

 

When I dated, I returned calls promptly where the call was to make or confirm a plan (or if he needed my help with something) but if it was early on and he was calling just to say hi I might not return the call as promptly - but certainly within 24 hours. I also avoided a lot of emailing/IMing back and forth to reinforce that if he wanted to talk to me more he had to make a plan to see me. And, I didn't tell all or share all right up front - I first got to know him, developed trust and slowly let him get to know me. Partly self-protective and partly to keep things new.

 

Today with texting, emailing, IMing and cells I think people are too available and casual about constant contact. Much of my dating was done before all that and it meant more when someone put in the effort to pick up the phone and call - or "gasp!" -even send you an actual card or letter in the mail.

 

And - I have met a number of men who like the novelty of IMing and emailing at first but that can quickly fade, turn to boredom and make them less interested in putting in the effort to call and plan a date. Save the constant chatter and girl talk for your girlfriends or platonic male friends when you are first getting to know someone.

[skyblue1]

Well yes it does make sense doing what you say above. I think i need to start doing that myself not showing so much interest in a person so much. I guess people can pick up on the needy bit. Just be yourself and never change the way you live life.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

One thing I have learned to keep someone interested...do not make yourself too available. Still live your life and maintain your interests. No one values anything that comes way too easy.

 

Being aloof and being "busy" is just playing games. I do not believe in game playing. Others would disagree. It is my belief that is something was true and meant to be, games would not be necessary, of course these are my beliefs. Others may disagree.

[EvaGina]

Hey there,

 

One thing I have learned to keep someone interested...do not make yourself too available. Still live your life and maintain your interests. No one values anything that comes way too easy.

 

Being aloof and being "busy" is just playing games. I do not believe in game playing. Others would disagree. It is my belief that is something was true and meant to be, games would not be necessary, of course these are my beliefs. Others may disagree.

 

I agree with the second part

I dont agree with the first

If I am with someone, I am there for them... if they need someone to just be with... then I am there... If I CAN see them, I do.

EDIT: Not that I mean you should give up all of your passtimes

[bigthings46]

I don't really like the idea of playing games, but it seems like if I am readily available or want to spend more time with a person and ask to they usually fall back.

[kellbell]

I guess I mean, in the very beginning of dating. Making yourself too available too fast early on has drove people away. It was too easy. But now that I am with someone, of course, I will be there for him not matter what, whenever he needs me.

[Batya33]

I am there for someone too as much as possible - once we are a couple and exclusive. If I am first dating someone, I want him to do somewhat more stepping up to the plate than I do as far as calling, initiating, and putting in the effort to make plans for our dates. I am not going to just "hang out" as our first, second or third date - or even fourth - on a moment's notice.

 

That's what I do with my friends or when I am in an established relationship - if he needs me to be there for him just to hang out with, then he needs to show me that I am an important part of his life- and that can't happen right away - that takes at least a month or so of regular dating (dare I say, "courting?") and getting to know each other before he gets to have me available on a moment's notice just to hang out or just because on a whim he decides he wants company to hang out at his house.

 

If he has an emergency then of course I will be there for him just like I would be for anyone I just met who had an emergency - or if he wants someone to go with him to visit his grandmother in a nursing home, etc - even if we just met of course I would do that. But if it's "I'm lonely, can you please come over?" and we've been out twice, I wouldn't really appreciate that and it might raise a red flag as to his level of neediness and whether he wants a girlfriend or an emotional bandaid or therapist.

[kellbell]

"I am there for someone too as much as possible - once we are a couple and exclusive. If I am first dating someone, I want him to do somewhat more stepping up to the plate than I do as far as calling, initiating, and putting in the effort to make plans for our dates. I am not going to just "hang out" as our first, second or third date - or even fourth - on a moment's notice. "

 

This is exactly what I mean. LOL Thanks Batya.

[EvaGina]

I guess I mean, in the very beginning of dating. Making yourself too available too fast early on has drove people away. It was too easy. But now that I am with someone, of course, I will be there for him not matter what, whenever he needs me.

 

Yeah, that makes sense.

 

But its more the initial attraction, not the "keeping them interested"...

OP, you have to be there for someone when you are with them, otherwise they will just feel unappreciated. "Aloof" never made anyone feel loved

[Batya33]

I agree but for me the timing of "with them" doesn't happen for the first month or more - it happens only when we've been dating regularly for a few months and have decided to be exclusive - prior to that we are just dating and at that point if I am not "the girlfriend" I am not going to do all the "wife type" things that I would were we serious - no reason for me to make someone new such a major part of my life before I see potential for something serious.

[EvaGina]

^^ Fair enough... I dont know if I would be that accomodating with someone I wasnt exclusive with or who wasnt a really good friend.