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I will narrow my story so it don't strain your eyes reading it.


I was married 13 years to an alcoholic and drug addict, I took my 3 boys and left her. months down the road I got full custody of my 3 boys. But about 3 weeks after I left my wife, I met what I thought was a wonderful woman with 4 boys of her own. We fell in Love quick. And was engaged in just 2 months, she left her home to move 30 miles to my neighborhood. I moved in with her and everything was great.


6 months into the relationship she was telling me no one ever made her feel special the way I did, She wanted to get married in December. Shortly after we had some fights and I moved my stuff out, but we'd always get back together and it was back and forth up to about a month ago.


We ended up going our separate ways so I thought. I would go several days without contacting her and she would call me and start talking to me. But things didn't change. She said that during a period of time she hated me and didn't trust me.(no i was never unfaithful) Well one time during our split I went out with another girl and she went out with her ex before me. I was not bothering her at all, I was leaving her alone and then she would call again.


She wanted to be friends, but still yet I spent the night with her and let her lay her head on my chest as she went to sleep, we would hold hands, then the next day she would be cold, not contact me, then I would say look I can't be in this just for a friendship and if she couldn't give 100% to working on a relationship, Then she would get angry and not contact me and I wouldn't contact her.


Then last week she contacts me and asks me for some favors. I do them for her and we talk and she cries telling me she wants to be able to Love me and trust me, then we just start watching tv and I go home that night. I sent her an email that night, telling her not to contact me anymore if it was only for me to do her favors. I accused her of using me. Well I never got any response so I go down there and ask her if she got her email, She said yes. I then said well I guess I won't be talking to you anymore, she said nope because I can't even survive just being a friend for now. I said well I guess it was true you could only contact me if you needed something and I left.


This all happened Thursday. Friday No contact, Saturday No Contact. Saturday Night I look out my window and see a vehicle at her house, I go down there and start knocking on the door. No one answers. I then come home and call her and she does answer. She had her Ex before me down at her home. We got in a screaming match and she says it's her business.


How low can someone go. Last week she was crying on her bed to me, saying that she wished I could have wanted to be her friend for a while.


I realize that she was using me all along, I would pay her rent so she could have a roof over her and her kids head, I did this on several occasions. I paid alot of her bills. I realize that all along causes of our off and ons was not my fault. It was her. She has been this way her whole life.


She was married to a man and divorced him, then remarried him just so she could go after almost everything he had. She stayed with her Ex before me, because he kept her sattelite on. And now she done it to me. Made me believe I was the best Love she ever had. I must say I was a fool and blinded. She made it seem so real in the first 6-7 months.


I really am glad that she went out Saturday night, because it made me realize That I wasn't the problem, I was the most caring and giving man. I was always there for her when she needed me. I did things for her when she didn't ask me too, Her kids would be at my house everyday.


I know that in the future she is going to realize how good of a man I was and how great that her feelings for me was the best thing in the world. She will one day lay her head on her pillow wishing She never treated me the way she did.


I guess I'm done ranting, just wanted to get it off my chest.


I would like for some comments on the situation and tell me how you think the future looks. Do you think she will realize down the road what she had?


If you would like the full scope you can read it on a few of my other posts.

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First of all I applaud you on doing what needed to be done for your children. I am sure that doing so is hard at times - perhaps that is why having this new woman in your life seemed so wonderful.


Right now you seem hurt, and used to an extent, and rightfully so. My advice is to stop, see this woman for what she is, and realize you can find someone better out there. True, you did give her more than she deserved, but you can still take your actions as being worthwhile if you realize you helped her children in some way.


I would go complete NC with this woman, both for your own health and that of your children. Feel free to rant whenever you feel the need, that is what these forums are for! But again, I would not contact this woman in any way whatsoever.

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I don't have any desire to contact her. I'll admit I am very hurt to know she doesn't care about me., when just last week she seemed to care so much. I can't say that I would take her back later down the road. But I would Love for the time to come that she starts wanting me back very badly. It may never happen and probably won't. But that would be awesome. That way I have the Control.

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Hi Twis


Before I give my advice, may I just get some clarity on the situation concerning the children.


While all this going back and forth was on where were the children in this, did they hear or see any of it? How old are they? How long all up were you together ?...


Sorry for all the questions hun but it helps me get the edge of the situation



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I will start out by saying that while I lived with her, my kids would stay there every once in a while. When they weren't staying with me and her they were staying right up the hill with my mother. Yes I know that it was wrong to try to make myself happy. I truly thought that me and her had to work on us and that we would all become one big happy family living all together in one home in the near future. I really think with the confusion I had and me doubting whether I was doing the right thing created alot of Mine and her problems. My kids not being there is what made me move out. I honestly thought that before I could make them happy, I had to be happy. She was being like a Mother to my children and they were even telling her they loved her.


None of the children knew that we were going off and on with the relationship, We didn't involve the children in the grown up world. Her kids would come up here to my home and play with my boys and mine would go down there and play with hers, just like nothing was happening with me and her. Her kids are 14 (he doesn't live with her) 12, 7, and 4 mine are 13, 10 and 7.


Me and her was together for 10 months. I know 10 months isn't very long, but in those months we had so many feelings for each other that we never had with anyone else. Even when we would break up, something would always pull us back together again. Just like it was meant for us to be together. I honestly felt that if we could just got through the bubble, that we would spend the rest of our life together happily. But as you can see, we couldn't get past the bubble. I wanted it to work and evidently she didn't.

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I don't have any desire to contact her. I'll admit I am very hurt to know she doesn't care about me., when just last week she seemed to care so much. I can't say that I would take her back later down the road. But I would Love for the time to come that she starts wanting me back very badly. It may never happen and probably won't. But that would be awesome. That way I have the Control.


You do have the control. In fact, I'd say you have A LOT of control, being able to take care of your children like you did.

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I really don't have the control over what I want. I want her to think about me, I want her to realize what she had that she never had with anyone else. Even this Ex that she has went out with this past week. I realize that she tried to be friends with me first and put me before him. But when I failed as a friend she goes out with him. I know that if he wasn't there fore her to fall back too, that She would think about me and what we once shared.


I don't even want her to contact me to try to work things out, I just want her to contact me so I know that deep down inside that I wasn't nothing and that she did think about me.

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Well she made another move to try to get to me today. She knows I look at her Yahoo 360 page and she never writes blogs. Well today she writes this blog about her weekend:


Happy Birthday to me!!!!! gee Im feeling old. I would like to say Thank you to someone that is very special to me in so many ways for a wonderful weekend that we shared. Though all the rough spots this weekend we still remained to enjoy each other. Its been a very long time since I was able to laugh, joke and feel young again. I have realized and been shown who truly cares for me and will stand behind me though the good and bad times. Who even when the odds are not in there favor and nothing was to be gained, they still stuck by my side. Having someone like that in my life, is a true blessing that most people never get the chance to have or experience. This person knows who they are, and I want to say Thank you, and how much I appreciate you.


I really think the only reason she posted this was for me to see it. and make me mad and play a head game. Because she could have easily just emailed that message to him. She wanted to try to get a response out of me. I responded in the following:


Steph, I know you know I look at your page here and I know that you have your ways of saying Thank You to him in emails. I know your purpose is to get a response out of me. Well you are getting a response. But not the kind you think. I am glad that you had a good weekend, I truly am Happy for you. I wish you nothing but the best. You know not very long ago you said the exact same things about me. I can gulp that up and go on with my life. I thank you for the time that you dated me and the things you have taught me. I can be a man and admit, that knowing your having fun with another man in such a short time after me hurts, But I also know that the hurt stops now. I can close that door of false hope that I had. I hope that he can give you that feeling of chills running down your spine. I hope your children can grow fond of him like they did me. But that's enough about me. This is your blog and I won't parade in on it. I respect your decisions that you have made, even when at the heat of the moment I didn't agree with them. But I do respect them. Happy Birthday to you and the Best of Luck to you. Keith


So tell me your take on all this.

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As long as the veil has been lifted from your eyes, then your future will be bright. You have finally seen what you needed to see before healing and moving on. I personally don't think she will realize what she is missing. It just doesn't sound like it from what you have said.

Your mind is now clear, step up and enjoy a bright future for yourself. The healing has now truly started. Good luck and keep strong.

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I really feel good about myself-I didn't get mad and leave a nasty comment, I left a very nice comment and I know she didn't expect that. I guess that will make her mind wonder a little, why i didn't respond like she thought i would. She however did delete the comment though, but i am glad I left the comment in the manner that I did. Made it look like i accepted it all. And the good thing is, I didn't even want to leave a nasty comment, which tells me I am sorta healing.

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Hey Twis


Sorry, got your pm when I was getting my sons lunch, hope I didnt make you wait too long.


Im not really sure what you exactly want me to address for you but Ill give it a shot.


As for the children, I just wanted to know where they fit in , in all of this. People under estimate children and their ability to understand and know what is going on in our world. I thank you for sharing that information with me.


As for leaving them with your mum, its done dont bash yourself up over it.There is nothing wrong with a break now and then. And there is nothing wrong with making yourself happy and learning to love yourself. But if you cant do that without your children around then Id be addressing that issue.


I know its hard, we all get caught up in that feeling and just want to be with that person. But children are very perceptive and 10 months to them is quite a long time. Its enough time for them to know whats going on and to become attached. I think you have handled the situation quite well.


As a woman, Im extremely selective whom my children meet. In fact they dont. I was with my ex 15 months and I didnt have him interact with my boys, it wasnt stable enough. So the fact she just seems to put her children in all of this is a little disturbing.


I am really sorry. but I do feel she has other issues and is playing with your emotions. You dont need this hun, you have children to raise and Im certain they dont need her instability.


I dont think she is wanting to be together, I think she is after what she purely wants and doesnt really have any respect or care about anyone else feelings in all of this. Putting that message up was nasty and spiteful and completely un-necessary. Shows her level of maturity. I wouldnt even bother responding to anything more of hers and try and not even go and look.


I know this has been so heartbreaking for you, But I do believe it is probably time to move on. She has caused you enough grief.


Be strong hun, start doing something for yourself now and your children.


If I havent addressed anything, please let me know



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Thanks shadow, I am on the same page with you and understand exactly what you are saying and meaning. I am doing what you said. As a matter of fact it makes me laugh when I see her blog. I see the immaturity and it really does amuse me that she wants to be like that. Shows me that much more that she doesn't Love me, In fact to rub it in my face is purely disrespectful. I know for a fact her only reason for putting it out there was for my eyes. But thats fine, she didn't get the kind of reaction she thought she would.


I must say I am really stronger now than what I thought I was. It feels good to be this way.


I don't have any desire to comment on anything she says. I'm not going to be that low.

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Hey Twis


Thats the attitude, your THE MAN!!!! you go with this fantastic outlook,

youll have down days hun but you and your children deserve soooooooooooooooooooooooo much better....


Im sure she loved you in her own selfish way and she will definitely miss out big time, but she just doesnt "get it". Do you know what I mean by that...only two words but they mean a lot...some people never get.


You stay strong and remember we are here for you, good and bad...



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Here is the latest message she put in her blog:


Ohhhh it's such a pretty day, sun is shining, birds singing. Been along time since I was able to see the beauty of a day. I'm so looking forward to summer, get out there to enjoy all the things I have missed out on this last year.I'm working on being a better person, accepting my faults and mistakes and letting go of years and years worth of anger and hate. To find oneself and find there place and purpose in this world is a long and hard journey, but one thing I know is that I have to go through the valley in order to reach the mountain and I know that my journey will be worth it where ever it takes me.


What is her reasoning for doing this? She knows that we had a great summer together. That was when our Love and feelings were the strongest. Why is she hitting me with low blows. Is she trying to get a response from me? Does she want me to tell her that she is hurting me? I don't understand her Intentions. She knows not many people at all read her blogs, 3 at the most.


I didn't respond in a bad way to her last blog entry and I'm not going to respond at all to this one.

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Hey Twis


Sweetie you really have to stop looking at her blog. She is intentionally doing this to get to you and its working because your looking at it.


Dont worry about the substance of the message, its just words written on a blog which means nothing. Its not actions and Im sure its just cause she knows you will read it and think it will hurt you or feel sorry for her or whatever. Seriously, I cant figure this woman out hehehe!!!


You need to start healing hun for you and for the children. You need to get out there and start doing things for yourself.


Ive always worked on the philosophy that if you do one thing a day then it will slowly build up until the entire day is full.


Hugs to you, be strong you really have to move past looking at the blog iuts only going to bring you heartache.

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Seriously, listen to shadow. She puts that stuff up for one reason, to mess with you. It's ridiculous and childish, but it's perfectly meaningless. I know because my ex- did the same kind of crap to me...words are easy, actions are hard.


Also, stop reading her blog! It's self-flagellation, and it's not gonna help.

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You know I can actually say that I am strong enough to look at it and not get upset, not get mad, It actually flatters me that she is going to the extent of doing what she is doing. Last week she was wanting to be all friendly and stuff and now all this. It hurts a little, but it also motivates me-and me not responding to her anymore is Actions that I never took before, Usually I would jump on the phone or message her, with hateful words. I'm not doing that now. That itself is proving alot that I am better than her and my actions are speaking louder than my words.

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Well I sent her a message that went like this:


Steph, You can write anything you want to knowing that I look at your blogs, You can throw as much salt in my wounds as much as you want, maybe you aren't doing it intentionally (I truly hope that you aren't). I have learned from my mistakes and I won't hate you, I won't send you hateful emails or messages, I won't try to call you. I will take the punch to the gut and fall to my knees, But I will stand right back up and still Respect you. Something that you preached to me for so long, Biting my tongue when it matters, The only thing is, I don't have to bite my tongue, because those hateful words aren't entering my mind anymore. Why I have no idea. But it really feels good to not want to hurt you with words


She did take them off to where I couldn't see them.

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*bonk* *bonk *bonk*


Hun its not a matter if you can stand what she has written or anything, even a response is what she wants.


I think for your own healing you really need to let go and NOT look at the blogs. Its just keeping everything alive and if its over between you, then you dont need to know anything about her.


Its a hard fact of life that when we love someone so much and the relationship ends we have to say goodbye to that part of our life and move on.....


Cherish the memories you do have hun and start healing by not going and looking at her blog.....



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Very Important update.


Today I started talking to a really nice girl online and it really feels good. She has went through a very similar thing that I have been going through, We are really hitting it off well, I am smiling again and having fun joking around and actually getting to know this girl. And I know that I will take things slow.


I am smiling, I am not looking at my Ex's Blogs. Thats water under the bridge.

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