dont know what to do?

[M_xk8]

hi, 4 weeks ago now my gf split up with me after 4 and half years together. Ever since she has got her new job she has been too busy to see me and we would only see each other once or twice a week for a few hours each time. This has been happening now for a long time. I have realised this for some time and i tried to make her change and take her out for meals and things so when we were together it was still fun and special. But although it was good for about a week it soon returned to the way it was.

 

So any way she split up with me and her reasons for doing this was she thought we had grown apart. She said she still loved me but not as much as she did when we first met and the spark had now gone. This was the worst thing that has ever happened to me and left me devastated. Of course i did the usual thing of begging her not to split up with me and telling her that if we both put the effort in we could make it work. But she had none of it and said she wanted us to go our separate ways and it was for the best.

 

It has now been about 2 weeks since i made any contact with her at all and i plan on keeping this NC going as i feel if i keep annoying her it will just make her move further away from me. But at the same time i dont want to let her go.

So really i was just looking for advice on how you would attempt to get her back without pushing her away? Or do you think i am wasting my time and she will never come back to me? Should i try and move on? At the moment i am hoping that if i keep up the NC in a few months she will want to try and make another go at it. Im just at a loss at the moment and would like advice as i really want her back.

 

If she still has made no contact in a few months i might write her a letter asking if we can be friends and see how it goes with the intention of getting back together if it goes well and feels right. What do you think? I really dont want to loose this girl.

[Parsley]

Welcome to ENA!

 

Sorry that you're here for this reason. *hug*

 

Personally...I'd say stick to NC. The thing about NC is that you're healing the whole time, if you get them back as a result, ok, if not, nevermind, you're better than you were before! There are a lot of posts on this in the Breaking up and Divorce forums, and you will find a lot of very helpful people in there!

 

About the letter...just wait and see. You might get through these next few months then think, no, I don't want that anymore. Don't get to that point and think "Well I said I'd be friends" and force yourself to do something you are just plain not ready to do.

 

Good luck, we're all here for you!

[MushroomGod]

Just try and move on, to try to be her friend because it may help you get back with her is the wrong way to look at it.

 

Move on, talk to other girls.

 

This one may come back but she has to do it on her own. In the time being rediscover friends, go out and meet people, and have fun with no strings to hold you down.

 

Good luck on what the future holds for you.

[anggrace]

I have to agree that nc sounds like the best thing. She made it pretty clear that thats what she really wants. I don't think that continuing to contact her is going to change her mind.

[Northalius]

You have to, as hard as it is, respect her wishes to not be together anymore. Sure, some can suspect that she met another guy, and this helped in the process of 'growing apart' on her side of the issue; but, that's all speculation, if no clear, hard evidence backs it up.

 

Anyway, for whatever reason it might be, just try to understand from her point of view. She just lost the feeling somehow.

 

But, I personally can't understand when others say "I still love you, but I lost that spark..." ?

 

Because I strongly believe that if you truly love someone, you'll try everything in your power to rekindle that fire, you once had! Not just 'pack up your bags and leave' at a moments notice. This is the reason why I kind of suspected she met someone else, at her job, maybe.

 

I could be totally wrong, anyway; just speculation. But, I always try to get to the truth and reason for certain actions taken by someone else, even if it's a truth that might hurt, I always strive for the truth.

 

If there's no hard evidence, then all you can do is try to imagine yourself in her shoes. Try to literally see through her eyes, and imagine literally losing 'the spark' for you. I think this helps in putting yourself at ease somewhat.

 

It's a big respect issue, not only for her, for yourself, as well. If she doesn't want to be with you, then you must strive to get the respect from within for your own self, to move on and seek someone that truly wants to be with you. Of course, hurt is there, and is a natural feeling; there's a time to mourn our losses, but there's also a time to move on and live in spite of the negatives that happened in our lives.

 

So, mourn the loss, but just remember, there must be a time to finally move on.

 

That's just what I think, anyhow.

[finewhine]

M- I, too, was left for a job. At least that's the way it seems. My ex became an executive and suddenly had no time for me. I dumped him because I was sick of being marginalized and crabbed at, but he may as well have dumped me.

 

Fortunatley, I was in a really challenging graduate program. I had something equally demanding and significant in my life to counter his career, so when we split, I was left with a graduate degree and opportunities I hadn't thought possible. Nine months later, I'm still on a wild ride of career/creative growth. Getting over the ex was among the hardest things I've ever experienced, but it was never a matter of trying to get him to come back. I knew it was over because that chapter in my life was over and done with. I never wanted him back.

 

How does this apply to YOUR situation? Well, I saw something very troubling in your post: YOU WANT HER BACK. You want someone back who only has time for you twice a week for a couple hours. You want someone who doesn't love you as much as you love her. You want someone who doesn't see your value as a person.

 

That's screwed up. You should be angry.

 

What your attitude towards your ex suggests to me is that you have some work to do on yourself. You need to do something that will make you see your own value. Your time is valuable, too. Your wants, your needs - they're worth something.

 

You could have guessed this, but I don't think you should try to get her back because you don't need someone who takes you for granted. I think you should focus on yourself and figure out what it is you want in life and go from there.

[saradrew20]

i know exactly what your going through.. im going through it myself.. and its complete torture...my boyfriend finished with me 2 weeks ago saying we'd drifted apart...and maybe we had. i begged him to give it another go and...he's not interested. i love him so so much and i'd do anything to get him back. we text each other day and he said he wants to stay friends..but i want so much more...this is killing me...and i dunno what to do. wanted you to know your not alone!

[M_xk8]

thanks for all your help and comments, over the past few days i have tried really hard to get out there and be my self again! tonight i sort of went out on a date with another girl, she was really nice but its just made me really depressed because its made me realise how much i miss my ex! so i will probably leave going out again with another girl as i dont think im ready!

 

thanks for all your help its good to know im not alone