shyness is a curse difficult to overcome

[Sky_Ronin]

Earlier today at lunch as I walked around I saw the girl that I like. It caught me by surprise because she came out of nowhere. So I was unprepared. It surprised me so much that I froze so bad that I forgot how to speak, hehe. I mean I'm definitely disappointed and frustrated with myself for not uttering a single word. She is the cutest thing I have laid my eyes on. The good thing was we did lock eyes. After she got into a car she waited for me to pass by it before taking off. So, at least I got a smile from that experience.

 

My question is what methods should I utilize in order to defeat my shyness? I've tried talking more often to different people, but the shyness still exists unfortunately. Any help would be appreciated.

[Altruist]

Have some 'ready made' things to say for each situation that you are likely to encounter then practice infront of the mirror until you can say them flowlessly. Good luck!

[stopit]

Ah yes, embarrassment is a common result of shyness. I've had my share of moments... Someone was asking me a question as the person I liked was walking passed us. I was so focused on where he was walking, that I didn't listen to the person I was talking to. I had to ask that person to repeat his question three times before it finally registered in my brain. It would all be fine if only the person I liked didn't jump into the conversation subsequently (and thereforeeee, must have overheard me asking "What?" like a retard so many times - and it was quiet, so background noise wouldn't have exculpated my cluelessness).

 

In terms of advice, it's hard. No doubt about that. Although this probably isn't consoling, it does get better with time and experience. Work on your confidence by building your conversational skills. When caught by surprise, build a "smile instinct" - so when you see her and can't think of anything to say, just smile casually rather than stand there rigidly.

[Ericson]

What's wrong with being shy? Accept that fact that it's just not your style. If I was you, I'd learn to channel that into a positive thing. I think that you don't need to queue yourself to societies standards of conversation. Yeah, maybe everyone could do with a bit of it, but it's certainly not neccesary. Just be respectful, kind, and people wont mind what your personality is.

[Altruist]

Its better to eliminate the shyness from your life...

[Leonhart]

Shyness is only a curse if you believe it to be. If it doesn't bother you and you're accepting of it, then it's far from a 'curse.'

 

You'll never be able to fully eliminate it from your life, but you may be able to lessen it to some extent.

[Dating Coach]

Earlier today at lunch as I walked around I saw the girl that I like. It caught me by surprise because she came out of nowhere. So I was unprepared. It surprised me so much that I froze so bad that I forgot how to speak, hehe. I mean I'm definitely disappointed and frustrated with myself for not uttering a single word. She is the cutest thing I have laid my eyes on. The good thing was we did lock eyes. After she got into a car she waited for me to pass by it before taking off. So, at least I got a smile from that experience.

 

My question is what methods should I utilize in order to defeat my shyness? I've tried talking more often to different people, but the shyness still exists unfortunately. Any help would be appreciated.

 

The biggest problem is that you've put her up on this pedastle already. She is just a human being. She farts, she poops, she belches, she can be rude, she can be selfish, she can be arrogant, etc just like everyone else. She is no more special than you are.

When you build someone up so much in your head you basically give them power over you. You saw the effects yourself. You got choked up and were unable to even speak. Why? This is mostly due to inexperience and I can tell you from tons and tons of experience that if you don't get a handle on this then you will consistantly fail. Girls are attracted to guys with confidence and self respect. You will see a lot of girls go for guys you consider jerks, but in reality they are demonstrating stronger social skills and have the girls themselves looking up to him as someone. If a girl sees you choking up over her, it might be "cute" but it isn't sexy. She knows subconsciously that she has this power over you and in return she cannot respect you as much as she would a guy whom she has no influence over.

 

I suggest you read the first two links in my sig. They should help you a lot and it's best you understood how it works now rather than later. I missed out on a lot when I was in High School because I was clueless.

[pianoguy]

She farts, she poops, she belches,

 

That's ridiculous. We all know that women neither poop nor fart nor belch. I remember having to explain to a girl what belching is- most awkward conversation ever.

[Leonhart]

Ha ha ha. That's very funny. True, but very funny. I think you make a good point about that. Females are only human too, far from perfect, so why elevate them to some godlike status when they're fallible beings, just like everyone else?

[Sky_Ronin]

Thanks everyone for your help. I appreciate it. DiggityDog you're correct about the point that it's unwise to put women on the pedestal. Before reading your post I've never thought about myself putting any girl on a pedestal. I guess I did it without ever realizing it. It's true that they're human beings just like us men, but when you see your girl of interest a spark lights up in your heart. You zone out from your environment and zoom in on her. That's just the attraction process that we all experience at some point in our lives.

 

A helpful source that I found in the past was David Deangelo's approach to dating. In it he placed emphasis on using the technique of, "cocky+funny." When I'm chatting with girls online, I have no problem being cocky and funny. The problem is when it is in person. It's a completely different situation. Chatting is kind of like a simulation and talking face to face is the real deal. One of my friends told me that I should be the person I am online and channel that into real live situations and I'll succeed. That's a great idea really. I've thought about it, but I have a hard time intiating conversations with girls in person. The dating process is so complex and girls are just baffling. However, it's exciting to be challenged.

[shadowcat]

shyness isnt a good thing, im shy and i miss on alot of thing cuz of it..instead of getting laid friday night im at home playing video games, drinking liquor with my buddies..aint much of a social life, im 22 and i havent had a girlfriend since last year and when i do get a girl its because she comes lokking for me first, but thats rare.

[Sky_Ronin]

True, shyness is more of a flaw. I can't wait for the day to come when this burden of a shyness of mine is lifted off of my shoulders. Then and only then can I breathe and feel alive. When your shy you feel confined like a bird in a cage. Of course it can be eradicated, but it takes great effort and patience. It is a process that wont happen over night.

 

Occasionally, I too would drink alcohol with my friends and play video games (PS2). It's fun and all, but it would be great to have female companionship. Not just a female friend, but a girlfriend, a lover, your other half. I want to wish all the shy people luck in finding their partner in life.

[shadowcat]

True, shyness is more of a flaw. I can't wait for the day to come when this burden of a shyness of mine is lifted off of my shoulders. Then and only then can I breathe and feel alive. When your shy you feel confined like a bird in a cage. Of course it can be eradicated, but it takes great effort and patience. It is a process that wont happen over night.

 

Occasionally, I too would drink alcohol with my friends and play video games (PS2). It's fun and all, but it would be great to have female companionship. Not just a female friend, but a girlfriend, a lover, your other half. I want to wish all the shy people luck in finding their partner in life.

 

i agree, i been shy my whole life and i been trying to overcome it since i was 16, i guess i can talk to anyone now, but when it comes to attractive girls its different, i have alot of work to do and im not gonna settle for shy as being somehting part of me