Should I trust her again?

[Goblin]

Hi everyone.

 

Is there such thing as an incomplete trust? I trust my gf on other things but there are minor things which I dont...

 

Tonight shes going out with a grp of friends whom she just met. I know its a mixed grp of guys and girls but she only mentioned a girls name... What makes me uncomfortable is abt a drinking issue. Shes not really a heavy drinker but we both agree that she should stop drinking anymore because its against our religion. I told her my concerns that she most likely will drink since im not ard and they are hanging out at a bar.

 

I feel im a little overcontrolling but the bigger part of me says I am rational. She did mentioned she would try to stop drinking in front of me and try to stop drinking totally as time pass. Is it an addiction? Despite telling me that, she drank right in front of my eyes twice( and when I asked the first time she said no but she admitted eventually)...and many times perhaps behind my back too...She has a bottle of wine at her office desk and one in her room.

 

If you were in my shoes, your gf made an agreement w u, she wont ever drink when she goes to bar/club w a grp of friends but she has DONE that twice in front of you, can you trust her in this?

[Scotcha]

I'm wondering the reasons WHY she made that agreement with you in the first place. Was this something she came to you with? If so.. Maybe she does have a problem and realizes it. Or.. Is it something that you pressured her into? I know that I myself have been pressured by a boyfriend to stop drinking.. To the point where he gave me an ultimatum.. If I even had a glass of wine on Thanksgiving with my family he would break up with me. Guess what? I didn't invite him and I had that glass of wine. He never found out about it either. I never felt bad about lying because he was being so overly controlling. We just didn't see eye to eye on this one.

 

I have a few bottles of wine in my apartment. I even have a pretty wine rack to display them on. They're for special occasions though.. I wouldn't worry about your girlfriend having a few bottles of wine. Different wine for different foods and such.. It's really not uncommon and doesn't signify a problem in my opinion.

 

Honestly, does your girlfriend truly have a problem with alcohol or is she a responsible social drinker? Is she coming home drunk every single night or is she just hanging out with a few new friends?

 

Is drinking a dealbreaker to you? If it is then you might want to end this relationship and find someone that has similar values. You cannot force someone to feel the same way about this issue as you do.

[Goblin]

Hi Scotcha. Thanks for ur opinions.

 

Nopes i didnt pressure her. We made an agreement and I didnt give her an ultimatum. She said she tries to stop but we agreed in front of me is a no no...

what more behind my back..?

 

Somehow I feel she felt guilty abt the second time but that really destroys this kind of trust.

 

To stop drinking is good for ur health. Ur boyfriend was giving u a healthy suggestion. Perhaps his delivery didnt appeal to you..

 

Like him perhaps, I am helping my gf to stop drinking because its against our values, hers and mine.

 

Only that I dont force her so im wondering why exactly does she have to break that agreement.

[DavidLarson]

I don't know dude, sometimes its hard to break out of habits. My GF cheated on me (online) and I made her promise never to talk to the guy again but she had created a bond with him and breaking it off over night was not easy for her.

 

I think she eventually did because she realized I couldn't handle sharing her with him and WOULD have broken up with her. I like to think she hasn't spoken with him again.

[FallenAngel00]

Although you guys may have made the decision "together" to stop drinking, she might have felt the pressure to make the agreement because your happiness is probably very important to her. In previous experience, she needs to be the one who makes the decision for herself... with no outside influence. Unless you do something for YOURSELF alone, it probably won't stick... and moreover... it can cause the people you love to feel betrayed by you. I think that just being there for her is the best thing you can do. It goes back to being a kid... rebellion of some sort....