Why can't it be easy...

[Esomeone]

Hi everyone, just would like some feedback on my situation.

 

I'm in a 4 months relationship (my 1st GF ever) and she is great. She is so hot, funny and such a nice person. I love her so much and shes loves me too. Im 21 and shs nearly 18.. I can safely say I want to spend the rest of my life with her..

 

Thing is I don't trust her completely...I wish I could but I don't. Part of it may be to my own insecurities and also her being really attractive but she always does little things which upset me..

 

Naturally shes a very "touchy" person...especially when shes drunk. She will do things like take photos with my male friends while having her arm around them and sometimes when shes not drunk she will touch them...not sexually but still I dont want her touching any guys at all.

 

I havent exactly got angry at her about this..but have kinad metioned it and she just said "i dont touch them in a sexual way, I wouldnt cheat on you"

 

Also she has a myspace..and although she only adds people she knows...unless they add her themselves...I noticed she has commented on some of her male friends images with comments like "wow thats a sexy shot" etc.

 

She met some guy at work experience the other day and what do you know the next day they have exchanged myspaces and then few days later shes comments on 1 of his images saying "wow thats a sexy shot"..

 

Also the problem is she is really too trusting and to be honest really gullable..

 

Am I overreacting or not...I just want her to want me only and not care about other guys...I'm the perfect BF to her...always treat her right and wouldnt do anything to make her jealous or anything..why cant she be the same.

 

[EvaGina]

Yes you are over-reacting

I know its hard in your first relationship, but you ARE going to have to let go of being so jelous or you WILL push her away

[MissTee]

Yes, I think you are overreacting a little bit.

 

This is your first relationship, it's natural for you question things. You're still learning.

 

I would let her know how it makes you feel when she says things like that on myspace. I'm sure she would get upset if you were saying that about another girl. Just have a bit of open communication with her. Communication is the absolute KEY in relationships.

 

But don't get angry with her straight up and don't start saying to her "you can't do this, you can't do that"... that might push her away.

 

Just be open and honest.

[melrich]

Yes you are over-reacting. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to suddenly change who you are. She's a friendly girl with lots of friends, let her be who she is. That's who you fell in love with.

[heloladies21]

You're not overreacting and if you keep being passive about this stuff when you should naturally be reacting and showing healthy jealousy, then she's eventually gonna dump you/cheat on you.

 

Some guy she's known since she was a kid and obviously nothing sexual between them, alright let them be. But some guy she just met and making comments about him being sexy...not ok. And before I get the feminist flaming, think about how she would react if you became friends with some girl and said something about her having a sexy shot. Do you think your gf would sit back and have no reaction? Not a chance, you'd hear about it trust me.

 

You're gonna have to develop an intuition about what is your insecurities and what is BS. Right now you're getting some of each, but not reacting to anything. And kind of mentioning it doesn't count, it has to be with confidence of she'll see right through it and assume you're not for real.

[Esomeone]

Thanks so far the comments but after reading the latest reply..I'm more confused than ever..

 

I think the main problem is that I dont trust other guys...yeah I dont completely trust her but its more the other guys. Call me old fashioned but I dnt believe in most cases a guy would want to be just friends with a really attractive girl. Even though she is taken...most guys wouldnt care about that.

 

and she has a problem with alchocol meaning it takes very little for her to get drunk...and when she is she doesnt want to stop drinking..I can just see her going clubbing without me one day..getting drunk and not being able to resist some guy trying to crack on to her...

 

I dont know what to do..do I talk to her about this...and risk looking like a insecure whimp/controlling BF and risk pushing her away...or just let it go..and suffer in silence..seems either way Im screwed...

[melrich]

Call me old fashioned but I dnt believe in most cases a guy would want to be just friends with a really attractive girl.

 

The guys may well have ulterior motives. That's nothing you can control. At some point you have to trust your partner. Who knows what will happen in the future, there are never guarrantees. But if this is the person she is, trying to get her to change that or change the way she interacts with people is going to drive her away quicker than anything else will.

 

I'm in a slightly different boat as my relationship is much longer. But my partner is a very vivascious, flirty person. She was when I first met her, she is now. She sounds similar to your g/f. It's part of what I love about her. Part of loving someone is trusting them. It doesn't always work out, I agree. But it is a better path to take than trying to control her behaviour.

[heloladies21]

Of course other guys don't care about you. I mean, they're not in a relationship with you, so they owe you nothing. It's all up to your girl to keep things sane and on a platonic level. The responsibility is hers.

 

And never let her use any excuse like "it was the alcohol" or anything like that. She knows the possible negative impact drinking could have so once again, the responsibility is on her to keep aware.

I dont know what to do..do I talk to her about this...and risk looking like a insecure whimp/controlling BF and risk pushing her away...or just let it go..and suffer in silence..seems either way Im screwed...

You have to talk to her about this because it'll just get worse till you get dumped anyways. So basically you take a chance, but this is where the guts of a relationship are made. You set the tone of the whole relationship when you show your true feelings like this. And if you're worried about sounding needy/clingy, the answer is simple--do it in a not clingy or needy way. When I've had to confront my gf about some of the very same issues you're faced with, my tone was confrontational as it should've been after being disrespected. I was matter of fact-go getter-aggressive-I know whatI want and I'm not going to accept anything less style.

 

So in the end, address this, but if she's not on board and doesn't show you any respect, then you're done anyways and should try again with someone else. But if you do it right, she'll be yours for real.