Steven1607307306 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Blood for Blood . Wandering these empty streets Searching for freedom Among this entanglement. Recalcitrant behaviors from the ghost within, Engages the meek in a violent skirmish. The clash of opponents, Continues to wage Within this wall of flesh and bone. Few have the wisdom and will to fight the enemy which thrives upon self-sickness. The coward may die today The brave have died before. Secret to life, far from obvious, Yet it gleams with obscurity. Shining in the faces of man, Who wishes to unravel the enigma. Juxtaposition, an impossible task Which teases the minds Of those seeking the answer. Link to comment
TheFallenShadow Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Nice piece of writing...keep it up, however there are those of us, that entertain the thought of remain an enigma. for self preservation... Link to comment
pinballwizard Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 The poem's not bad, it just lacks, flow. You've got something, but you need to work on your choice of words. When you finish a poem, read it out loud to yourself. When you walk into a club, could you imagine someone giving a reading of this? 7/10. Solid, it just lacks flow. Link to comment
Steven1607307306 Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 The poem's not bad, it just lacks, flow. You've got something, but you need to work on your choice of words. When you finish a poem, read it out loud to yourself. When you walk into a club, could you imagine someone giving a reading of this? 7/10. Solid, it just lacks flow. Read it twice. Link to comment
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