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[in_love]

Ok in my past experience I left a girl I was with (she was like I became now - now I would be a little more sympathetic and probably would have tried to work things out, well thast a different story), she continued for MONTHS to try and get me back... the more she tried the more determined I was not to go back until finally one day she stopped.... I think 6 months I was gone and I went back.

 

Nothing had changed in my head - I loved her but just didnt know what the hell I wanted - we were at different stages - ended up breaking up anyway for good.

 

This current girl I was with, the opposite happened. I was too loving and became VERY insecure coming to the end. I think I tried so hard not to let what happened in "that" previous one I was in, I actually went too far and ended up creating an unhealthy relationship.

 

We were together for 2 years, we fought roughly 5 times, we seemed to pretty much get along the entire time and genuinely trusted each other, I treated her very well and got along with all her friends and family, I really thought this would be the one I'd be with for life, however coming to the end I see now that she did infact begin to lose respect for me and her passion for me was dying, I believe now my passion for her was also dying... I was just too "messed" up, I think possibly my insecurities could have led me into a depression and not many people want to be with someone who is not happy with themselves.... I know what I am insecure about but its so damn hard fixing this.

 

We are broken up for 4 months and I have been trying so hard to win back her love, sometimes we chat and it seems like we are getting somewhere then I dive in head first and pop the "wanna" hook up line and she gets cold and says some things, an hour or 2 later we end up chatting again and the cycle continues.

 

I believe she still does care for me and love me but simply isnt attracted to me. She has said to me recently "stop calling, emailing, texting and I'll call you.... *my name* straighten out your head first".

 

I'll admit I have called her pretty much every week (once or twice) she has also called me but last 2 weeks I have litterally lost the plot.

 

4 months and I still cannot seem to move on, I still cannot let go of her, I am bordering obsessive but I believe its not an obsession (I spoke with a councellor - My Mother) when I asked "Why is it so difficult for me to move on when I could move on from my previous pretty quickly", she bsaically said, not in these words, it was because I didnt love my ex ex like I loved this girl now.

 

When we broke up I was sleeping around, drinking and pretty much losing my mind... now though I actually really miss her, NOT "the being with her" but I actually deeply miss her. I wake daily with a smile and a few minutes later when reality kicks in I spend the day with a deep pain in my heart. I wouldnt say I am depressed now but I am definitely not happy with the way things are, I am happy with what I am doing and content but unhappy because I love a woman who doesnt want to be with me (at the moment). We were good, I know if would have simply went full NC and healed myself and focused on my insecurities we'd more than likely be having a drink this weekend together.

 

She is still single and tells me that, she also tells me that she simply doesnt know what she wants at the moment, she just needs some time alone. I know she still has feelings for me but I dont think the attraction is there, I've been such a plonker since the break-up... chasing her, ya know, for 4 months.....

 

....guys is it too late to regain what we had in terms of friendship and respect, I know without these two ingredients passion could never be.

 

She tried dating once and so did I, we spoke about it and funnily enough we both agreed that it felt weird. She admited that she had slept with someone and so did I. There were no hard feelings etc. But after that particular conversation it felt like she wants me back, not the guy she dumped.

 

It's weird as I experienced the other end of the stick and cant help but think we will get back together again, I mean after all, there wasnt anything bad between us. I think now I must try NEVER to contact her... I feel like an idiot chasing her and a complete plonker for not heeding the advice given here.

 

I suppose why I am posting this is to update those who know my story and maybe get some motivational advice.

[celene]

I think your best option right now is to maintain NC. Its also important to maintain NC not with the intention that they might come back but with the intention of feeling better. If you are getting too obessive I think you should try therapy. I love this forum and I hang out here all the time but its always a better idea to just talk to an objective person face to face. HAng out here and use therapy. That is what I am doing and I am making progress, bit by bit....

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

I think your best option is to get your self better and let her do all the work. She wants to be alone- meaning she needs space and is confused...so why dont you just leave her alone? She will make an honest effort if she loves and misses you.

[in_love]

LostLoveinLosAngeles

 

This is weird, it will be the first time I have focused on myself since breaking up.

 

What harm can come from it?

 

She loves me... I know it, but she is NEVER gonna be with me full stop unless I get my head out of a**e.

 

I have to stop with the hoping and start with the forgetting... I know now what my ex ex went through, she waited for all that time, patiently... she was not crazy, she was not needy, she was simply in love with me.

[hades]

You siad you got along with her friends and family. Did she get along with yourfriends?

 

Whats so messed up about you?

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

LostLoveinLosAngeles

 

This is weird, it will be the first time I have focused on myself since breaking up.

 

What harm can come from it?

 

She loves me... I know it, but she is NEVER gonna be with me full stop unless I get my head out of a**e.

 

I have to stop with the hoping and start with the forgetting... I know now what my ex ex went through, she waited for all that time, patiently... she was not crazy, she was not needy, she was simply in love with me.

 

That my friend was a great line. You are right on the money. I know its hard man. I'm back with my ex and still have that feeling like I want her so bad. Which is good thing since we are together. From this you will learn one of the greatest thing a man/woman can learn and that is to VALUE the one's you love. I bet the time you spent together seems so minute due to the fact you want her back so bad. Realize that no matter what you are creating an object right now you are making fear come to life. It will only get better from here. Stop analyzing things,let life play it self out for once. I'm not guaranteing that she will come back or that you'll ever forget her. But I bet you'll never make these mistakes again.

[in_love]

You siad you got along with her friends and family. Did she get along with yourfriends?

 

Whats so messed up about you?

 

Yeah she did... its a hard thing to accept. My friends (when they met her - we live 100 miles apart - not an issue, never was) when they all met loved her to bits.

 

Messed up with me? she also has insecurities, we both come from broken families (arguing, fighting etc) and we are both the only siblings to have gone to college and we are both middle sibs with older brothers who are a little "grumpy" and both have/had (my grand father passed away) another relative as a "make shift" father. Sometimes it seems like I'm looking at myself in the mirror only she is kinda like I was 6 years ago (I'm 31 she is 25).

 

I had (still have to some degree) a lot of insecurities, worries, all this kind of stuff... I know it and see it and some days are better than others but like everyone else I suppose I have some things I need to deal with for myself.

[papalazarou]

She has said to me recently "stop calling, emailing, texting and I'll call you.... *my name* straighten out your head first".

 

I'll admit I have called her pretty much every week (once or twice) she has also called me but last 2 weeks I have litterally lost the plot.

 

I think now I must try NEVER to contact her... I feel like an idiot chasing her and a complete plonker for not heeding the advice given here.

 

 

So she has told you NOT to call and you still are?

 

You cant change her but you can change yourself. Do something different and dont contact her. Disappear.

 

I know you have been trying to move on but e I feel you cant let her go and you have this need to talk to her about something, anything.

 

Also I know you have a good group of friends you can surround yourself with.

 

Its obviously difficult to do NC so you can do LC, when she contacts you but be prepared it may be once a week or once a month...! In the meantime you have to move on from her emotionally. Easier said than done I know.

 

With regards to your insecurities. I know why you had them. You must NOT beat yourself up about it. I would as well, always, always, ALWAYS trust your gut man.

 

By the way how did you get on in Brighton? You never did call HA HA!!!!

[in_love]

Its obviously difficult to do NC so you can do LC, when she contacts you but be prepared it may be once a week or once a month...! In the meantime you have to move on from her emotionally. Easier said than done I know.

 

With regards to your insecurities. I know why you had them. You must NOT beat yourself up about it. I would as well, always, always, ALWAYS trust your gut man.

 

By the way how did you get on in Brighton? You never did call HA HA!!!!

 

yeah she will call... I have a gut feeling things will start going right only when I sort this weird mess I have let myself get into... this emotional mess, how it happens so quickly and gets so deep is beyond me.

 

hmm... yeah brighton, well, lets just say I was sober for at least 2-3 hours!

 

Sorry for not calling, I dont think I'd have been much company anyhows man, I really was on a full on piss up... my cousin was pretty shocked and her house mates thought I was alcoholic... hmmm... not good.