Sex and Lack thereof

[Liam Weic]

My gf of 1 year and I seem to have a bit of an issue with sex On both our parts I guess it would be.

 

I would very much like sex more often than we already have it (about once every two weeks) and it drives me crazy some times. I feel that I'm always the one trying to initiate and she just gently pushes my hand away. It makes me feel like a bother.

 

She has roommates, and she says that she doesn't want us to get caught by them, so she refuses my attempts. This one time, after her roommates had gone for the week I of course took the time of solitude to try and initiate and, again, she kept batting my hands away from her. When they finally came home....she started to initiate herself, to which i responded in shock: "So you wait till they come home so you can start anything?" and she just quickly responded "Do I always have to initiate?" My jaw dropped and I just left the room.

 

Granted I did come off a bit accusatory, but i couldn't hold it back anymore. She makes me feel so unwanted sometimes. I've been overweight my entire life (up until recently have i started working out and losing quite a bit of weight), so my confidence levels aren't as high as I'd like them to be.

 

Just today, she came home, ready and willing to go. But as I was on top of her (prior to any nudity), she had her eyes closed. I couldn't help but think she was thinking of somebody else (since i've noticed that she always closes her eyes when we do have sex). Of course this put me off any mood, and I got semi-depressed.

 

I would want to talk to her about this, but i can't help to think about the outcomes of me doing so would be. I feel she would feel more obliged than anything to have sex with me, and honestly, that would make me feel much worse than no sex.

 

I'd like to get my confidence levels up, since i'm sure all that nonsense is just in my head (about her thinking about other people), but i just don't know how. I've tried talking to more girls lately, but I really feel like i'm doing her wrong in me doing that. I know I'm not, i just feel like i do.

 

*sigh*

 

I don't know what to do.

[kr356]

i honestly think you need to talk to her about it, it doesn't have to be directly about sex, it seems you both have a completely different view with how your sex life is, from her comment about her always being the one to make the moves.. maybe she doesn't see what you are doing as trying to initiate sex? so she feels like she is doing all the work, when you are trying but she isn't picking up the signals.

 

maybe if you ask her about what she meant by that comment and explain that you do try to make the first move but sometimes feel like it is unwanted and tell her how it makes you feel

 

I think because of what is going on, you are feeling more self conscious and thereforeeee picking up on a lot of other things, that most likely dont mean anything, yet you are analysing them and looking at them in a complicated way

 

personally, when I am having sex, the majority of the time I have my eyes closed, because I can concentrate and enjoy it more that way.

 

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you

[valiantv]

I don't think that having her eyes closed necessarily means she is thinking of someone else... Some people just prefer it that way...

 

Subconsciously, blocking off one sense can open up the rest of the senses... Or maybe I'm talking BS (but if so, it still doesn't mean she is thinking of someone else)