Can't stop crying... why does it hurt so much

[RoseKnight]

I just recently broke up with my GF of 5 years. We ended it mutually because she wasn't in love with me and had feelings for someone else and she had also cheated in the past. I broke up with her 4 days ago and during those four days i haven't been good at all. I'n the middle of the day im ok but when night comes i get anxious.. my stomach knots. and i can't sleep.., and even start crying. It was my first long term relationship. At the moment my car is broken and i don't have a way to get out and do things.. and i live waaaaay out in the sticks and all of my friends live at least an hour and a half away. And late at night i can't really call anyone cause they are all asleep, the only time i go out is for work.. other than that i don't do much right now and everything just seems so hard. Having trouble sleeping.. eating less than normal. and constant crying and feeling so alone. Anyone got any advice?

[Dako]

Sorry you're hurting so badly.

Night time is the pits when your heart aches. You may already have lost yourself in TV but that's hardly an answer. Could you move in with a friend?

 

I found walking long distance to help me think clearly and did some crying and a bit of ranting along the way. Whatever passes the time until healing comes. Time will serve to reduce your pain.

 

Your appetite will return, since your body will eventually take over and make you ravenous. It might be good to stock up on handy foods.

Drink lots of water. It's easy to get weakened by dehydration.

 

You will feel better, but only after the passage of time.

Hang in there and try to look into the future.

I know how hard it is, but you can do this.

[RoseKnight]

Thanks Dake, oh dehydration wont be a problem i still drink like a fish, and one of my friends is supposed to be looking for a place closer to her job and when she does im moving in with her, but thats not gonna be till next month and even then thats only her starting to look.. not necessarily moving yet And taking walks doesn't help because i'm still alone.. i have a fear of being alone. not necessarily a phobia im just in a rut and want someone to hold. i know its not the usual guy response but i would give anything to hold someone and just cry and talk to them

[Dako]

It's good to have something, anything to look forward to.

It's too easy to dwell on the past, so anything that puts your interest on now or tomorrow can help. I wish there was a faster way to recover.

It's like having a huge case of the flu, and takes longer to beat.

[applejack]

If you are not eating, and you are having trouble sleeping...then my advice is to go and see a doctor. If it doesn't get any better and you are obsessing about it at night, see a doc and see if you can get something to help you sleep. Perhaps antidepressants would be beneficial. Just make sure that if you decide to take them that you do the follow-up appointments, as they sometimes have the opposite from intended effect.

 

Go talk to someone, and stay busy. Take up a new hobby...one where you will have the opportunity to meet new people.

 

I know that it feels like your life is over right now, but I promise you that you WILL heal. And when all of this is over with, you will be a stronger person. You will meet another wonderful woman. The world is full of them.

 

Give yourself time to mourn, and then get yourself out there and meet some new people!!!

 

Hope this helps.

[RoseKnight]

the hardest thing for me is not having anyone to talk to hardly, i mean i talk to people on the phone here and there but noone is usually around when its the worst which is around this time of night

[applejack]

Remember that there is someone out there that will appreciate you, love you, and will be faithful to you. Keep you chin up. The sun will shine again!!!

[applejack]

Do you work nights?

[RoseKnight]

no i work days, im off tomorrow

[RoseKnight]

and my loss of apetite isnt like massive or like im not eating at all or anything... just not quite as much as normal, and i do sleep, just not as much

[applejack]

Jeez guy...I can relate...I've been there. What do you like to do hobbywise?

[applejack]

WHat do you like to do hobbywise? Do you play music, work on cars, yoga?

[RoseKnight]

well i draw, thats my main hobby

[applejack]

I cannot get you message....it has something to do with a popup blocker....

[RoseKnight]

go up to the top and click on private message, right under your login name, that should do it

[FrancisHouseman]

There is a poem that i liked, its painful, i love poetry though and its what i used to recite when it felt like time was not healing:

 

Time does not bring relief: you have all lied

who told me time would ease me of my pain!

i miss him in the weeping of the rain

i want him at the shrinking of the tide:

the old snows melt from every mountainside

and last years leaves are smoke in every lane

but last years bitter loving must remain

heaped on my heart and my thoughts abide!

there are a hundred places where i fear

to go - so with his memory they brim!

and entering with some relief some quiet place

where never fell his foot or shone his face

i say "there is no memory of him here!"

and so stand stricken... so remembering him

 

 

I dont know who wrote it, but i love it.

 

When my heart was broken, I cried until I vomited and I screamed and felt lke i was going mad. I couldnt imagine tomorrow, or the next day, i couldnt see my future, my life. I felt like i had lost point and could see no joy in anything. I felt the most tremedous pain ever, and worried it would never subside. I drank large quanties of wine and chain smokes cigarettes saying "I dont care if i get cancer, im dead anyway!"

 

My friends rallied round but i found i wanted to sit with them, but not actually speak. i wanted people around me, but to leave me alone. and i would wake in the night crying and remembering the reason i felt so bad.

 

I dont remember the point where it became easier, i dont remember 'getting over it' but it did eventually fade.

 

THe thing is, that was three years ago and i have been in my current relationship for 16 months. Although I totally adore the guy I am with and love him. I feel sometimes that if i remember how bad it felt to be heartbroken, my eyes fill up. We can get over the person and love again, but i feel the scar from the hurt stays with us always in some capacity, on some level, we are always more guarded, more careful and less free after coming out the other side.

 

You will love again, but it will take time.

[AintittheTruth]

FrancisHouseman-Wow- I had to read that poem several times. Thanks for posting.

[AintittheTruth]

RoseKnight

 

How about writing out your feelings in a journal during those times you need to talk and no one is available?