How comes every now and then...

[chirp]

Right ill start at the beggining. Im with a wonderful girl who is everythink i have ever wanted, shes my childhood sweetheart from years back and we got back together and put our past behind us and started again. Its been nearly 7 months and its been great but every now and then i feel really bad. I think to myself she wants to finish it i think to myself she doesnt want me and wants other people, i have no reason for feeling like this beacuse im always reasurred by her loveing ways but i do. Weve talked about it and she says i need to be more laid back which i used to be but recently im finding it hard to. I will get itchy if she doesnt txt me before work in the morning which is stupid, ill get annoyed if we go two days without seeing each other but 3/4 months ago i wouldnt mind and would look forward to out next meeting. I wish i could go back to the old me but im finding it hard to relax. I know that eventualy it will put strain on our relationship because who wants a man who isnt really a man. Any suggestions about how to be more laid back, play hard to get but not to hard lol, anything to be the person thats would never be moody, never have a care in the world, the person my girfriend fell in love with.

[chirp]

one more thing, what could i put in a text message to her to apolagise for the way ive been lately. Thanks.

[Parsley]

I think it's one of those things you have to 'fake till you make'. Force yourself not to feel like that by distracting yourself when you feel it coming on. Eventually (hopefully) you just won't feel those feelings anymore.

 

I know how hard it is to worry that you're overanalysing and putting your relationship on the line because of it. Unfortunately, in my case I wasn't overanalysing...I was being led to believe I was.

 

But before I found out the above, I sent plenty of apologetic texts and emails about the way I was acting. Just put in it what you feel...

"I'm sorry for being so paranoid recently, I don't know what's brought it on. I'm going to try to get back to who I used to be! I love you xxx"

[anggrace]

I think the most effective wat to change your clingyness would be to try and figure out why your feeling this way. Its good that you recognize it, thats a start. But I don't think real change can happen until you understand it better. Do you think this might ruin your relationship? How long have you been together?

[karvala]

I think the most effective wat to change your clingyness would be to try and figure out why your feeling this way. Its good that you recognize it, thats a start. But I don't think real change can happen until you understand it better. Do you think this might ruin your relationship? How long have you been together?

 

From someone who's been there (and got the t-shirt!), I can tell you that's a double-edged sword. Sure, the real reason why you're feeling like that, some deep-seated insecurity that's triggered by certain situations for whatever reason, is worth knowing in order to be able to develop ways to overcome it. But for someone in that frame of mind, it's all too easy to invent 101 other reasons why you feel like that, and how if only the other person would just do x, y or z, then everything would be alright. I'm not saying don't do it; I certainly agree that analysis can be useful here, but just warning that it can also be dangerous.

 

Chirp, I'm heartened that you've done the hardest thing, which is to acknowledge that it's your problem rather than hers, and to acknowledge that it will become a problem for the relationship, and that you would rather remain as/return to the person she fell in love with. When you find yourself in an insecure moment, and wanting to raise it with her, or seek reassurance, give yourself a challenge, such as not contacting her for the next x hours, or until you've achieved a certain thing, or a challenge to have a conversation with her at that time but not mention it etc.. With practice, it can become easier, and with positive reinforcement from her, i.e. for you to see that she's just as much into you without any need for you to seek it, it will hopefully decrease over time.

[heloladies21]

You've identified the problem as your own insecurities and the onlt solution is to squash them in her presense and always think about how what you're currently doing is going to show her. Like if you stress in a clingy way and she sees it, obviously she's gonna get the impression that you're clingy.

 

Also I'd stay away from the text apology and do it in person or at least on the phone and unless you have something specific to apologize about, don't apologize at all. If you apologize in general in that way, it just tells her you have doubts in your ability to handle the relationshi with her and she's gonna equate that with one thing...having doubts in your relationship with her. You don't want that.