Girlfriend is talking about possibly joining the air force...and I don't want her to

[HyruleGuardian]

I went over my girlfriend's house tonight and she was talking about her future plans. She was saying that if she doesn't get accepted into a certain college, which is also the one I go to, then she is going to join the air force. Then she went on saying she's going to do a placement test for the air force and see how well she does. If she scores high, she might consider going. Now I was sitting there wanting to jump out and yell no, I really don't want you to do that. But what kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn't respect her decisions? I just told her if I were in that situation, I'd go to college, but to do what she wants to do.

 

I really don't want her to go. I look at the situation as only a bad thing. Even though we've only been dating a month, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I think about our future and how it would hinder it. I don't want this to mess up the relationship.

 

I don't know what to do...

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

I'd discuss with her the pros and cons of doing this -- just to open her mind to some things.

 

But in the end, it's her decision, it's HER life, and it'd be messed up if you try to change what she wants. How would you feel if she goes through life regretting not going into the air force because her boyfriend back then (or husband) didn't want her to? She'd resent you forever.

 

Let her do what makes her happy.

[isidore]

There's always the Air Force Academy- then she could still join the Air Force and go to college.

 

My brother enlisted in the Air Force and has served several tours in Iraq, from what he tells me they have him working 14 hour days, and that doesn't leave a lot of time for studying.

[Akatea]

It doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is doomed hun,

My Bf is looking at going into the Terrortorial Force here in NZ. I know that this is something he has always wanted to do. At first my reaction was much the same, but then I thought about it a bit differently. It is something that he will regret NOT doing when we are old and grey and sitting in rocking chairs. It is something that he will be able to tell our grandkids, and kids of course, but it would be such a shame to hinder something your Gf obviously really wants to do... I know you'll miss her and believe me I will definitely miss my boy, but think of the converstaions you will be able to have

[heloladies21]

But what kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn't respect her decisions?

A guy that sticks up for himself and what he wants? This kind of holding it all inside is gonna ruin relationship after relationship for you if you don't change your view on this. By not reacting like you normally should, she gets the impression that you don't really care about her. Think about, she got the impression that you support her leaving. How much can you care about someone that tells you they're going to leave you and you have basically no reaction?

 

I really don't want her to go. I look at the situation as only a bad thing. Even though we've only been dating a month, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I think about our future and how it would hinder it. I don't want this to mess up the relationship.

Address it. Say something. Tell her sternly and confidently "Well then where does that leave us? Don't you think that's going to make a relationship too difficult? I'm only interested in being with someone who's serious about me because I'm not just looking for someone to pass time until the next one, or someone to just use for sex. Either you are for real about this or then we are wasting our time."

 

This is the way you really feel about it, I can tell. You need to communicate this to her. This isn't about telling her what to do, this is telling her what you want.

[BellaDonna]

I was in this exact same situation myself once...right at your age too. My husband (then boyfriend) was thinking of joining the airforce. This may not have been the nicest way to handle it- but I essentially told him there was no way in hell I'd support the decision and I would not continue to date him if he joined because I felt it was too dangerous and I did not want to deal with an LDR if he was away and had to travel a lot.

 

In the end he did not join- a lot of people (not just me) talked him out of it. I'm so glad he did not join. Had he joined, who knows if we'd be married today- or if he'd even be alive right now, given the current state of the world....

 

If you feel strongly against it- speak up.

 

BellaDonna