She's satisfied i'm not.

[Hootz]

I have a couple of issues, as far as bedroom activities are concerned.

My wife is quite happy indulging in sexual activity once a week,however (as most relationships are concerned) I would like it more often. I have tried all the romantic ideas, but if she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it! She tells me that she really enjoys having sex, she just finds it hard to get motivated. She doesn't want to use anything to increase her libido, as she thinks that once a week is enough. The other issue I have, is that I am always the one doing the seducing, the pleasing, the initating etc. and then we come together at the end. I have asked her if she can initiate sex every now and then, but she says that she is too shy.... she has tried a couple of times, but her idea of initiating sex is "feel like fooling around?", and then I still do all of the "work". I love my wife dearly, and we have a great time when we have sex, I would just like it more often, and for her to "pamper" me once in a while....

[Scout]

Do your wife and yourself a big favor, and buy this month's issue of Good Housekeeping. Don't laugh! The whole focus this month is marital sex, and you'll be pleased to know the authors advocate people just going ahead and doing it even if they think they're not in the mood. The reasons why are outlined in the articles, and they make a heck of a lot of sense.

 

I was really impressed with the articles...they were frank, candid, realistic, and hopeful in their advice and hints. You're not alone. People in long term relationships almost always end up in this situation for some very good reasons. The articles give a lot of insight into this, and again, some great strategies for injecting physical intimacy back into the marriage.

[zerohalo]

In fact, as much as I hate to say it, it sounds like that good housekeeping article might not suck. I've read from many different sources that sometimes the best thing you can do with marital sex is to just do it sometimes even when you aren't in the mood. Sex isn't just about one person and what they want, and sometimes you have to make that ultimate sacrifice of having an orgasm or twenty for your partner.

 

That being said, it's a two way street. You'll have to respect that sometimes she just absolutely won't want it.

[Scout]

Good Housekeeping has gotten very modern, lol. They've probably just kept the name because it's a recognized brand. But it's a woman's magazine, and it would be telling his wife what he wants her to do, anyway. There are numerous articles in this month's issue about sex and marriage, it's kind of the whole focus of this issue.

 

It's not that I'm trying to duck out of giving you advice, Hootz, but your wife might think more deeply about this stuff if she's hearing it from professional marital counselors in the form of an article, you know?

[TiredMan]

The ironic thing about is that I would bet that if you followed her lead and never tried to initiate, she might think you are cheating.

 

If it were me and I tried explaining (which you have) and it doesn't change anything. I just wouldn't initiate at all for a while. If she asks about it, I would say "im shy". And if she tries to initiate, I would turn her down. I always feel when people get a taste of their own medicine, it usually changes their behavior.

[Hootz]

I tried not initiating for a while, and we didn't have sex for 3 months!!!!! I think that even though she really enjoys it, she could probably live without it. I don't know, but that's the impression I get.....

I don't think we get "Good Houskeeping" in New Zealand...

[Scout]

One of the articles talked about how we start to view our long-term partners as "family." And of course, we don't typically identify feelings of passion and sensuality with family (that is, if we grew up in a normal household). In fact, the article says the longer people are together, the harder it gets for them to share their fantasies with each other. That's one reason people start to look outside their marriage for validation that they are sexual.

 

And the plain truth is the butterflies and passion don't have their own momentum like they did in the early stages of a relationship. We have to make an effort to keep both "alive." And some people get a little lazy and stop making that effort. Perhaps your wife's eyes would be opened a bit if she read this stuff.

[Scout]

Gee, Hootz...I just looked back over your other threads. It seems your wife's lack of interest in sex is a symptom of something bigger going on in your marriage, not the actual root issue. I wish you both a lot of luck with your counseling.

[Hootz]

We have sorted a lot of our other stuff out, and this seems to be the only issue that we can't resolve, along with her not wanting any romance or affection....

[TiredMan]

I tried not initiating for a while, and we didn't have sex for 3 months!!!!! I think that even though she really enjoys it, she could probably live without it. I don't know, but that's the impression I get.....

I don't think we get "Good Houskeeping" in New Zealand...

 

Then she is clearly just a selfish person. Maybe you need to be with someone who actually cares about your feelings as well as their own.

[Hootz]

Hey Scout, is it the February issue of Good housekeeping?

[candy604]

can u buy her some books on how to be romantic? is she busy around the house or has a job that takes up her time?

 

perhaps she might be the old fashioned lady that the man does all the intiating and likes that

[Scout]

Hey Scout, is it the February issue of Good housekeeping?

 

Yes, and it has a picture of Marcia Cross on the cover.

[Scout]

We have sorted a lot of our other stuff out, and this seems to be the only issue that we can't resolve, along with her not wanting any romance or affection....

 

Hmmm, you had put another thread up on the same day you put this one up that indicated otherwise. However, that thread is now deleted so I can't quote from it.