what should i do? living in limbo

[jade.green]

here's the scoop: after dating for a year, and then spending another year in a long distance relationship, my bf decided to break it off because it was too difficult to continue. admittedly, the distance was putting immense strains on the relationship, and both of us were not very happy with the situation. we were/are also both stressed with work, which exacerbated problems between us. we have talked a few times in the several months since things ended (not about "us" but just everyday random stuff). it has been really difficult, but things are getting better. he says he still wants to hear from me/talk to me/have me in his life so we are kind of living in this weird state of limbo where we are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, but not exactly sure what we are (which is why i wasn't sure where to post this thread). i recently found out that i got into law school in a city that is closer to where he currently lives. i will be moving closer to him in a few months and though i don't know whether or not this will change anything, i can't help but hope that it will. i am not sure if i should just wait and see what happens after i move back, or if i should just flat-out ask him now if this changes anything for him. part of me feels that both of us need space to figure things out in our own lives. we also probably won't really know if my moving closer will change anything until it happens (besides, i'm not even sure at this point if i want to get back together - but i am not completely ready to close the door either). but another part of me feels that in order for me to continue to get over him, i need to be 100% sure that he is not interested in any kind of reconciliation. and i'm not sure if he is or if he isn't. i'm okay staying in limbo but not if he's already closed the door (i'm not sure if has). it's the hope that gets to me. not sure what to do...keep things as is and just wait and see what happens or ask him straight out what's the deal?

[robowarrior]

Just ask him flat out if this changes anything for him. You already have no and you might get yes so you got nothing to lose. 2 things however

 

ldr's don't work, unless the people involved decide to get together permanently.

 

Second, don't commence a relationship if you do not have time to invest in it.

[carbon]

(besides, i'm not even sure at this point if i want to get back together - but i am not completely ready to close the door either). but another part of me feels that in order for me to continue to get over him, i need to be 100% sure that he is not interested in any kind of reconciliation. and i'm not sure if he is or if he isn't. i'm okay staying in limbo but not if he's already closed the door (i'm not sure if has). it's the hope that gets to me. not sure what to do...keep things as is and just wait and see what happens or ask him straight out what's the deal?

 

That's EXACTLY how I feel (read my reply to your response in my thread). I think robo is right. You need to ask him to to get your answer. It doesn't mean you have to make a commitment, just that you know where your relationship with him stands. Even being in limbo TOGETHER is better than being at completely different wavelengths.

[jade.green]

many thanks to both of you for your advice! robo, you're right - i should probably just ask him and to get my answer. and carbon, you're dead on when you say that it's better to be in limbo together than to be on completely different wavelengths. i guess what's preventing me from asking is the fear of rejection. but then even if i wait and see what happens in a few months, there is potentially the same possibility of rejection. i would simply be postponing it...

[jade.green]

oh and robowarrior, i completely agree with what you said re: being completely invested in the long distance relationship. the problem was that i was and he wasn't. he said the distance changed things. i don't completely agree. i think it was a combination of things including the distance. but we left things so open-ended that i feel like it's possible that my moving could change things as much as i feel like it could change nothing. so yeah, i guess discussing this is best...