jade.green

yes indeed - hope sucks. i'm going through something similar but i assure you it gets better. i agree with lady - i think you should just give her some time and space to think about things, and not calling is best. you don't need to explain yourself anymore or tell her why you're going NC - you've already done this. as for the waiting part, you're right - you can't wait forever. but i think that giving yourself some time and space to think about things too will allow you to figure out to what extent you really want and need her in your life as well. if she ends up wanting you back after it's too late - it's not your problem, it's hers. if you find that you don't want her back anymore, it will mean that you have truly moved on - which is actually a great thing, right? in the meantime, hang in there. hope sucks, but with every day of NC, the hope gets a little bit smaller. and remember, if you're feeling terrible, she probably is too! after all, she is the one who's confused, waffling, etc. good luck with NC! you can do it!

oh and robowarrior, i completely agree with what you said re: being completely invested in the long distance relationship. the problem was that i was and he wasn't. he said the distance changed things. i don't completely agree. i think it was a combination of things including the distance. but we left things so open-ended that i feel like it's possible that my moving could change things as much as i feel like it could change nothing. so yeah, i guess discussing this is best...

many thanks to both of you for your advice! robo, you're right - i should probably just ask him and to get my answer. and carbon, you're dead on when you say that it's better to be in limbo together than to be on completely different wavelengths. i guess what's preventing me from asking is the fear of rejection. but then even if i wait and see what happens in a few months, there is potentially the same possibility of rejection. i would simply be postponing it...

carbon, sounds like we are in kind of similar situations (thanks for the reply to my post in the other thread i guess the thing is, even if he only sees you as a friend, then as a friend, he should not want to cause you pain. and you, as his friend, should not have to hide anything from him. honesty and transparency are important in any kind of relationship, be it a platonic or a romantic one. because if he is currently causing you pain, and you are constantly having to hide something from him (be it because of pride, fear of rejection, etc.) then this doesn't seem like a real friendship. also, from the way you talk about him, he sounds like he really cares about you. you say that he always finds you when he is in need. i'm assuming this is not just a physical need, but an emotional one. so it doesn't sound like he's completely separated the sex (or whatever you're doing) from the emotions. that doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to get back together with you or give things another try, but probably that he is also a bit confused about he wants. which is why you need to ask him where you stand. i'm not sure what the best way to bring up the conversation would be. if he lacks the patience to listen, would an email be better? in my opinion it's still better to do this kind of thing in person. in any case, i definetely think you need to find a way to talk to him about this. it's no use just continuing to feel frustrated! and the same goes for me. good luck!

sounds like he also can't just see you as a friend, since there is still sexual tension, and both parties seem to be acting on it. why did you guys break up? you seem to know what you want, but does he? i think it's only fair to you that he answers this. i don't think it's possible to "just be friends" but also have a physical relationship when there are still emotions involved. i think you need to establish what his intentions are. you say that you get the feeling that he wants to start over. you need to find out for sure, because if things continue like this, you will continue to get hurt.

here's the scoop: after dating for a year, and then spending another year in a long distance relationship, my bf decided to break it off because it was too difficult to continue. admittedly, the distance was putting immense strains on the relationship, and both of us were not very happy with the situation. we were/are also both stressed with work, which exacerbated problems between us. we have talked a few times in the several months since things ended (not about "us" but just everyday random stuff). it has been really difficult, but things are getting better. he says he still wants to hear from me/talk to me/have me in his life so we are kind of living in this weird state of limbo where we are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, but not exactly sure what we are (which is why i wasn't sure where to post this thread). i recently found out that i got into law school in a city that is closer to where he currently lives. i will be moving closer to him in a few months and though i don't know whether or not this will change anything, i can't help but hope that it will. i am not sure if i should just wait and see what happens after i move back, or if i should just flat-out ask him now if this changes anything for him. part of me feels that both of us need space to figure things out in our own lives. we also probably won't really know if my moving closer will change anything until it happens (besides, i'm not even sure at this point if i want to get back together - but i am not completely ready to close the door either). but another part of me feels that in order for me to continue to get over him, i need to be 100% sure that he is not interested in any kind of reconciliation. and i'm not sure if he is or if he isn't. i'm okay staying in limbo but not if he's already closed the door (i'm not sure if has). it's the hope that gets to me. not sure what to do...keep things as is and just wait and see what happens or ask him straight out what's the deal?