Yeeahhhhh....I could use some help [=

[Allie.]

so there's this guy...and he's liked me for the past two years...and I never quite felt it for him back until a few weeks ago, when I had a boyfriend...he was just soo sweet and understanding that I started to like him.

 

I noticed he was acting strange and stranger after I broke up with my boyfriend and I asked him what was up and he explained to me about he liked another girl so much and how she's absolutely perfect and about how "HE's SORRY but I could never make him feel the way she does."

 

So we talked that night and the first hour, he was talking about this girl...lets call her sally for our purposes. About how wonderful sally is...etc and afterwards he's talking about how all he wants to do is just "have me in his arms". I didn't put in any effort to flirt back because I was confused all on my own.

 

Then, we met up for lunch the next day [as friends of course] and he was ALL over me....that night, he told me that sally could go to hell...he loves me.

 

I've already told him that I do not want a relationship because i'm NOT ready for a relationship. I have way too much going on--college and work and its crazy. I just can't. I would feel sorry for whoever went for me because i would never have enough time for them. and I really want to maintain myself right now--which takes a lot of hard work in my college...etc. so thats my priority right now.

 

He told me it was fine and a few days ago he asked to hang out...and I explained how i couldn't hang out because i'm booked and i don't feel comfortable hanging out with him now that we've established that we like eachother because I KNOW something would happen and currently, I do NOT want that because...i still am not over healing from my last relationship.

 

two nights ago, we were talking and he told me how he's not even sure he LIKES me and told me that he's scared that he's going to start liking Sally if he keeps hanging out with her...and he hung out with her yesterday.

 

WHAT he said was a complete turn off for me and I HATE when people choose between two girls...so i don't let them choose because I walk away. I do not admire being treated like an object. compared to other objects to see which one is better...

 

He told me that he doesn't like her and he only likes me...which i thought was contradictory and yessss...i told him i needed some time to think and to give me the weekend and he seemed upset.

 

I'M SOOOO JEALOUS right now because I can't help thinking about what went on last night and I don't want to call him at all. Does anyone know how to get rid of this jealousy feeling? i mean, I KNOW i'm pretty, smart and nice and i'm not feeling jealous because insecurity..I'm feeling jealous because my PAST experiences have shown me that crap like this ALWAYS happens to me so its kind of like i'm expecting it to happen.

 

How can I get rid of this feeling? And please don't say communication because thats not an option right now. I'm confused about him in the first place after what he said.

 

Adieu,

Allie.

[DN]

Which feeling do you really want to get rid of? The jealousy or the feelings for him?

 

I have to say you do seem to be sending him a whole bag of mixed messages and that is really unfair. I think if you really don't want a relationship you should stop seeing him all together. That way you can get on with your life and he can concentrate on seeing if a relationship with Sally is viable.

[Allie.]

I knowww....but i really really like him. I'm just not RDY for a relationship. I want one but I can't have one. My schedule doesn't allow it. I really want one but there are things such as college and work that are helping me get closer to the goals i want MORE.

 

and...i dont' want to because I'm getting over the healing process of my relationship that ended 9 months ago...the relationship lasted for a year and a couple of months long with my ex and i'm over HIM. just not done healing.

 

and this guy told me that hanging out wasn't a problem and that it was fine. So...i dont know. i have no clue whats wrong w/ me.

[avman]

You're going to have to make a decision one way or the other. Keeping him on a string with something like "I really like you but I just can't right now" isn't fair to him. If you truly aren't ready for a relationship, then tell him that and let him go. Otherwise it will drive both of you nuts.

 

On the other hand, your other relationship ended 9 months ago. That's a pretty long time. If you truly like this guy, why not give it a chance and see what happens? You might find that your healing finishes up pretty quick once you are in a new relationship that is healthy. You've said you are over your ex, so that's good. Is it more the case that you are afraid of getting hurt again? Because that's not part of the healing process, that is a totally different issue.

[Allie.]

I made the decision. finally. i told him the truth and i told him that its better if we didn't talk any longer for a period of time so we could both have time to move on and then we may become friends again....we'll see how the "dice rolls". The whole time, he was telling me how much he loves me...etc. I got a bit teary and I think he noticed that...but, I stuck to my decision and i mean....

 

its not like he's making it any easier. He keeps telling me that hes not gonna ever forget me...which for gods sake, i'm not asking in the first place...haha...but that he refuses to date any other ppl...which i think, if i ignore him long enough he will....but...the ignoring part...and doing something that you NEED instead of WANT is pretty tough.

 

do you guys think i did the right thing?

[avman]

Well you aren't responsible for his behavior. It's not like you told him to never date anyone else and to dedicate his life to you. That's his own doing. You can't hold yourself accountable for his actions.

 

If you feel in your heart that it's the right thing to do, then it's the right thing to do. If you need the break, then take the break.

[dw_rc...Confused]

Does anyone know how to get rid of this jealousy feeling?

 

You've gotta make a decision, you either want to be with him or not. I was in this situation with a girl once and it drove me up the walls. ](*,) It'll play on your mind even more the longer you leave it