I'm at work - she's out partying...

[Bobby101]

Was looking for some guidance on a situation which makes me very anxious.

 

Each month I work 7 nights in a row, my girlfriend likes to go out and have a good time when I'm at work at the weekends. I do not have a problem with this.

 

I do worry about her when she is out though because she usually has too much to drink ( and perhaps other things ) and seems totally unaware and out of control. I'm sitting at work doing a pretty responsible job which can be disasterous if I make one key stroke wrong.

 

I feel absolutely terrified sometimes because I never know where she could be and what shes going to do next. In a word 'erratic'. I start worrying constantly at work.

 

We have spoken about this and perhaps I don't choose my words very well sometimes and I come accross as possesive and jealous.

 

I love her so much but I don't want to feel this anxious, any ideas ?

[Suesser Tod]

Maybe you are just not dating the right kind of person for you?

 

I can tell you if my SO was out there getting drunk and using drugs, I would be single in no time. That is something that simply does not go with me.

[Hope75]

I'm a little confused.

 

First you say this:

 

Each month I work 7 nights in a row, my girlfriend likes to go out and have a good time when I'm at work at the weekends. I do not have a problem with this.

Which sounds like you trust her.

 

But then you say this:

 

I do worry about her when she is out though because she usually has too much to drink ( and perhaps other things ) and seems totally unaware and out of control.

I feel absolutely terrified sometimes because I never know where she could be and what shes going to do next. In a word 'erratic'. I start worrying constantly at work.

So I am thinking that you don't trust her.

 

It sounds as though she lets herself get out of control with alcohol, which, unfortunately you are not her babysitter can not control, and additionally, as an adult- she should know her limits and be able to keep herself under control. But since she isn't.... I wonder if you are fundamentally compatible for a relationship- because clearly you don't trust her.

[zz4ever]

If you don't trust her, follow your gut instinct. I know of a young woman who got married at 19, thought she would be married for the rest of her life to this young man. She is now 26 and getting a divorce. Why? Because she wanted to go out and party with her girlfriends, then stay at home or do things with her husband. Um!!! Sounds familiar. But that person was NOT me. A friend of mine (her daughter). So, although she is trying to blame the young man, she needs to take part responsiblity for her actions too. You can't have a committed relationship if you don't spend time together. Need to talk and communicate here. Find out what is really going on and if there is nothing then put it aside and be happy. If there is something, then let her go and find yourself someone more compatible.

[Desma214]

Well Im never the one to go out much I usually stay at home with my bf because I love him and its what I choose to do. Although I have went out a few times and when I returned back at 3:00am he acted like nothing bothered him but acted mad to when truthfully everyone that had been around said he kept watching for me he was worried wanting to know when Im coming or where Im at which is sweet be the way. I say talk to her about it at first and let her know how you feel and if it doesnt get better then let her know that you are working not for you but for both and at least she can do is respect your feelings about what she does while your working. Take a day off if possible and you go out with her at least you can see the environment shes always in and what goes on and what she does and if it makes you feel uneasy then Id end it because she seems to only want to do what she wants anyway and if your a hard worker like that and shes just a partier then it wont work out. You may be able to trust her even when she drinks but you get too drunk you dont think and the men around that are drunk also will try anything and convince her to do stuff she wouldnt do I mean alchohol is a powerful drug also when consumed too much you dont think clearly or you dont even think good luck.