A lil' confused

[diren grey99]

I hardly know where to start, i've been seeing this girl for 2 months now and its been great, i think tbh i was a lil too excited about it all at the beginning (first proper g.f ...aww ) but anyways, a little while ago we had a...well not an argument of sorts...but tension in the conversation was sorta bubbling up...she's going through a hell of alot in her life atm...sadly i learned that AFTER this encounter...so if ever she's upset when im with her now i purposely avoid provoking her with jokes, deep conversations etc.

 

After the incident however, i was stupid enough to wonder why i liked her...it sounds petty...it was...its just i couldnt see what i had done to provoke her (obv now i know) i started wondering if i did like her at all...jokingly at first. But then the thoughts got worse...its almost as though i'm able to relate anything of sadness in general to my relationship, for instance, i might miss her and it would upset me...but i stupidly start to wonder if im deep down just not enjoying myself. If only it were that simple

 

When im with her its terrific, just being with her is amazing, even just talking to her in on the phone or texting (not so much msn...i find it kinda impersonal and easy to accidently start a...tense conversation...in fact the first tense convo i ever had with her was on the internet) When she's gone i miss her, and obviously these thoughts come back.

 

To try and resolve these thoughts i tried to think of how i'd feel if we broke up. Now i KNOW i'd be upset...but i cant...y'know bring that feeling up on call...sometimes if i think of her and i dont get all butterflies or happy feelings i feel hollow...even though those butterfly feelings are expected to pass...right? Basically when i'm with her everything is good, when im not its not and i wonder if thats the fault of the relationship. Alot of the time i can beat these thoughts with reason...but recently i'v looked from a different angle: even though i know i love being with her...i fear that i dont and...i know what shes going through...she doesnt need some loser hanging around wasting her time...i feel guilty and that leads to sadness...which once again leads to me questioning the relationship...its like a constant loop. And it doesn't help that i'm mildly obsessive/compulsive...icing on the cake...these thoughts can come up randomly and bring my mood down...

 

I don't wanna leave her...i think...ugh its so confusing... has anyone felt like this before or...does anyone have any advice for me? i sound pretty lame...but its starting to get to me.

[Meow18]

I think that if you are having these doubts this early on, then it's a bad sign.

 

It's normal in the beginning to wonder how the other person feels. But when you are trying to figure out whether you even want to be with her, that's a problem.

 

Honestly, if you aren't happy with who she is, or anything else about the relationship then it's better to just break things off. It's only fair to her.

[diren grey99]

Ty for a reply i really had trouble writing this, its hard to explain...you see she is an amazing person, i love who she is. As for my own doubts, they arnt so much if i want to be with her...they are more...why am i with her...i think of her and smile, but then the old "do u like her" thoughts step up and i feel bad again...there isnt even an argument to those thoughts anymore, the words "do u like her" enter my mind and i feel bad even though i KNOW i like her. it looks as though im trying to convince u to say "stay with her" because...tbh i do want to stay with her...i might get on any readers nerves soon because of how im...assessing everything. when i meet up with her i look forward to it... i love talking to her...i run up phone bills of £70 a month...lol. regardless of how many people say otherwise i think im gonna stay with her...ive pretty much worked through all the feelings now and i just feel guilty that i could ever feel this way...i dont deserve her. i know im attracted to her too...lol we went out yesterday with some people and she wandered off to talk to some others for a lil while...i felt so stupidly jealous hehe.

 

So Meow basically i love being with her, talking to her, thinking about her even... its so difficult to explain how i feel... but i've had the thoughts about other aspects of my life too...for instance...i used to think i was incredibly unnatractive even though others said otherwise...im actually kinda handsome (sorry to sound up myself) the thoughts are...ugh...hollow? if that makes sense...its basically: "do i like being with her" "yes, a hell of alot" "but why?" and then i feel bad...i dunno why i like her...i just do... so after thinking like that i feel bad

 

my brain is so messed up lol

[Juliana]

Good Lord. What are you expecting from this relationship? You like being with her. When you are not with her, you seem to expect that some angelic choir is going to appear from the sky and sing her praises.

 

This is a first relationship. If you're having fun with her, continue to have fun. There is no "why." Why not.

 

Personally, I think you want this relationship to change something fundamental about your personality, and that isn't going to happen. If you carry on like this, I fully expect to see you here in six months wailing about how you blew off "the best thing that ever happened" to you, and you don't know why. You need to stop trying to derive the meaning of life from this relationship, and get on with living; do other things besides being with her, and you won't expect being with her to alter the nature of your existence.

[diren grey99]

Juliana i appreciate your advice made me smile, its so true and ive been vair dumb. Feeling muuuuch better now, thankyou very much.

 

Thanks again, and i'll cu around (not in 6 months, heh )