Is he ok?

[lolalolaray]

My boyfriend is absolutely perfect but he gets upset over me staying at a friend and his boyfriend's house. I understand that my boyfriend may not think that my friends are truly gay but I have been friends with them for a long time and have stayed over before and know that there will never be any funny business going on. I try to tell my boyfriend this over and over and yet he is still not ok with it. I promised never to stay over at my friends' house again and not to party, but I once made a joke about having another lover, which in my mind would never happen and is out of the question and he gets upset again! He jokes about and stares at other girls all the time which I have always taken lightly until he got upset about me saying the same thing and now he censors himself. I take all this in as a compliment that he cares about me a lot and he is the only one I can think about and even look at, but I am not sure at how to look at our situation. Am I not being careful and considerate enough? Or is he being insecure? He's also my first serious relationship so if I sound a immature about all this, that is why.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Are you saying that you have two guy friends who are gay and sometimes you stay at their place and your bf gets suspicious and jealous?? Is that right??

 

SO...you've told him you will stop doing that and he's fine until you jokingly mention taking another lover - then he gets upset and jealous again?? Am I understanding this right??

[lolalolaray]

you're right. sorry if I'm confusing.

[mysteryman]

Well almost any guy would be insecure about a girl spending the night at 2 guys house, gay or not gay. Because it worries guys that the girl will cheat and also he probaly finds it weird. I mean how would you feel if your bf was spening the night at 2 lesbians home? Atleast in my opinion he isnt being too insecure.

[laboheme]

Has your boyfriend met those two guy friends of yours? Seeing you around them may give him a sense of security because he will see that they are devoted to each other and that there is no possibility of anything happening with you. So I'd maybe suggest hanging out as a group -- having a double date of sorts. I don't know if anyone would be open to having a double sleepover, but that could also be a possibility...

[Momene]

I think that situation would make most people feel insecure.

[anggrace]

I think it is understandable that he feels jealous. I also think making a joke like that is in bad taste knowing that he feels the way he does. But I know sometimes things just come out before you think anything of them. It says alot that hes tried to be more carefull about looking at and making comments about other girls. Hes in touch with your feelings and cares about them.

 

Sometimes it really sucks to have to give up certain things when your in a relationship, but your bf should be your priority and you should let him know that by not staying at the guys house any more. I work with alot of guys and have developed friendships with some of them, Ill occasionally have a drink with them after work, but thats it (when I was with my bf). I know he says he trusts me, but I also know that I would not like it too much if he spent the night at a girls house, gay or not... unless I was there. Have you invited him to stay the night?

[lolalolaray]

Thanks for all who answered. It seemed very natural to make my boyfriend a priority but these friends of mine said that I should balance friends and other relationships which I agree with but perhaps they want me to hang out with them more and more as I become more involved with my boyfriend because they don't really like him as he said that he did not want to meet them.

 

My friends complained about how all their friends (straight girls) "ditched" them once they got a boyfriend so perhaps their clingy behavior is due to patterns from the past.

 

I didn't even really want to go out and stay overnight with my two friends, it was just that it was my friends birthday and his boyfriend made it seem as if it was devastating if I didn't go and my friend played the "then I guess you don't care about our friendship" line. Also warned me that if I don't keep good ties with them, if one day my boyfriend leaves me "falling flat on my face" then I will have noone there to help. That also scared me a bit.

 

I don't think my friends were trying to be cruel or manipulative though, they just thought that since girls try to make passes at my boyfriend even when I'm around that perhaps our relationship isn't strong and they are merely trying to keep me from getting myself entirely involved and too vulnerable (my boyfriend and I are close, I think it's because my boyfriend and I belong to different races and classes so perhaps they don't trust his intentions and outsiders don't respect us so much and look at me as "stealing" him away from his people and so think that their behaviour is acceptable... I really don't know... or maybe this is simply a problem for all relationships).

 

I talked to my boyfriend about it and he seems to have gotten over it it as he knows that even apart, I'm still thinking about him and that my friends are important to me not just for fun but I also need them out of fear for one day of possibly not being with him. Either way, everything's about him and that makes him happy. haha

 

Perhaps I worship him a little bit too much and it annoys my friends?

 

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

 

Serious relationships are so scary!!! lol

[lolalolaray]

I also realize just how much I talked about myself up there in that post...

[Momene]

Tough one but friends have to accept that they will see less of their friends when they are in a relationship.