Has Anyone Actually Got Them Back?

[TWIS7ER]

I see all these post about doing the NC thing and Everyone asking advice, But the Question Is! Are there any success stories out there of Getting Back Together?

 

How long did you Do the NC?

How did the Contact go when you started all over?

Has It Worked Out?

 

Please share your stories. Give the ones on here hope that there really is "Getting Back Together"

[DonMiguel]

I've heard stories online and in real life of people pulling it together at some point. My gut feeling is, if the love was strong and there were issues that needed to be addressed, it can work if those issues are addressed. My perspective on my relationship, which ended 18 months ago, is that if we can be friends -- and I mean real friends who give without it being in the hope of getting something in return -- then maybe one day. But I also believe that at some point you have to completely let go on every level and accept that what once was is over. Anything that happens from then on will be new. And that gets back to my point about offering friendship unconditionally. If you are willing to be friends (and just try to imagine two people getting back together when one of the two is trying to manipulate the situation by withholding affection), I think it's a good starting point even if that goes against the whole no contact concept. I think no contact can be very helpful especially if you're upfront that you need some space and that it's not a tactic. You DO need space if you are to get yourself back, and at least in my situation, that's what I needed to do.

[GoingForIt_77]

I agree 100% with you Don and YES, I got one of my ex's back 3 times through HELL or HIGH WATER I never gave up.

 

What I did was go into hiding for a month to a month and a half and reappeared as a new man in every way. She had been unsuccessful with the men she had been dating and YES, she had put herself out there like my current ex is. That did NOT stop me.

 

There are two twists to the story. That ex is now married to her first ever boyfriend who she VOWED she would never talk to EVER again in her entire life.

 

The second twist is that that ex's younger sister is friends with my current ex's older sister and I fear that she got the dish on me, which won't be winning me any brownie points with her.

 

My point is that it IS possible to get them back, but you don't even want to know what lengths I went to to make it happen 3 times! It drains you man of your life. Well at least it does if you do it the way I used to. This time is different for me. I've grown up and I won't try and be someone I'm not when I contact her. I'll be ME, without all the rest of the crap I carried with me.

[finalcloud13]

GoingForIt_77,

when you went into your NC, did you tell your ex that you were going to do it or mysteriously disappear? And did your ex contact you first after you started the NC or you contact her when a month - month and a half passed?

Has anyone had their ex tell you that they have no more feelings for you, yet have been able to get back together?

[GoingForIt_77]

Final Cloud,

 

That former ex of mine left me EVERYTIME. The first time, I groveled, pleaded, begged and chased chased chased. She wanted nothing to do with me and SO, after like 2 weeks of this, I stopped. I left her alone for 12 days and then called her. She HU originally (these are the days where not everybody had call display). I called right back. I acted cool, confident and everything she didn't think I had in me. She didn't know what I wanted from her. I was vague, aloof and confident (I pretended to be). For the next month or so I didn't give up on her. At times I would lose my composure, but I stuck to her like glue and showed her that I was making strides in my professional life and I just seemed to be growing much stronger. Well, it worked, because after a month of the LC she did come back to me, only to leave me 3 months later. This time I chased her even more and would call her day and night crying, pleading (not proud of this) and it got to the point that she was going to get the cops involved and so I stopped. I left her alone for a FULL 25 days. During that time I improved myself in many ways (or so I thought). After 25 days of NC I went to her work as a different man (or so I pretended...NC DID make me stronger, but I had not worked on my personal issues). She was shocked to see me, but did not ask me to leave (like my current ex did last weekend). We spoke for an hour. I was very aloof and vague and confident above all else. She cried several times (she had been trying to move on as my current ex has been doing since last Monday). I asked her if I could call her. She was hesitant, but accepted. She told me that she didn't think she could ever trust me again. Well, I waited a week and a half to call her, which worked wonders. It kept her guessing and I had regained the mystery. When we started talking at that point, it was obvious that she wanted back in (only a month a half earlier she NEVER wanted to see me again). She left me again 3 months later. This time I was destroyed and gained 48 pounds and stopped working for 6 months. I fell into a depression, but I finally got myself out of it. I tried to keep her in my life as friends, but she wasn't having it. She wanted to move on and she wanted me to let her go (as my current ex said to me the day she broke it off) and so I did for 38 days. When I called her up after 38 days, it was for a legitimate reason. I wanted to pay her back for some money she had lent me when we were dating. I told her that it would be monthly installments and that we would have to meet up once a month. After much hesitancy, she agreed. She brought a gf with her on the first visit and then 2 weeks later I called her up telling her that I have some of her stuff at my place she could pick up. She came over and I acted completely over her. She cried and I could tell that she STILL wasn't over me (had not found someone to replace me yet I guess). That went on for another few weeks, during which time I played it REALLY cool and she came back. She left me again 2-3 months later. We tried to remain friends for the next few weeks (big mistake). She stopped all contact and she went back to her first ex. They got engaged and got married last year.

 

Here is the thing. Nothing is impossible. It can happen, BUT, you must really understand WHY they left you and once you understand that, you must work on it on your own and never take them for granted when they come back. Don't be resentful towards them that they left you. Be happy to have them back and give them what you had not given them the first time around.

 

That was my story with that old ex of mine.

 

As for where I currently am, well, I have grown a lot in myself. I have respected my current ex. I have not ONCE ran after her. I have NOT tried to change her mind. I have shown remorse and AM going for professional help. I am giving her the space she requested and I am NOT imposing my NEEDS on her. I am also not losing it, knowing she is on 2 single chat lines, trying desperately to move on. In the past, I would have called, crying, pleasing, asking her how she could do this to MEEEE. I don't think that way anymore. I am thinking of her and I am thinking of what's good for me right now as well. I am giving her space and letting her live her life, without disruption. I will have to call her to arrange a time for us to meet to exchange our stuff, but I will not do the same thing I used to do with my other ex. I will be real this time around, knowing my own self-worth this time around.