Breakup leaves me feeling used

[infaith]

my ex of 5 years left me without any valid reason...

gave so much to him...

i worked part-time while i studied (but he didn't)...

as i was more 'financially' well off, i paid most of the time we went out...and paid for many things he wanted but could not afford...

 

and as he was struggling in his studies, i coached him dring exams...

i also spent years trying to encourage and reassure him to boost the low confidence he had in himself...it was mentally exhausting...

 

i tried to keep the relationship exciting by thinking of new things to do and places to go and gifts to surprise him constantly...

he studies and self confidence improved so much...

he experienced so many new things in life that i exposed him to - food, culture, activites, lifestyles...

and he was so grateful..

 

then, one day, he just leaves without any valid reason...

just the cliches - 'we're not compatible', 'i don't deserve u', etc...

 

i feel so used...invested so much...and he reaped so much from it...

i was truly happy too...thot the relationship would end up in marriage...

he was the most wonderful guy...good values, charming, well-mannered and all the time he behaved as i was 'the most important person in the world to him'...

 

was the investment worth it?

anybody feel used and cheated cuz they were the ones putting more effort in the relationship yet end up the one getting hurt?

[Teal]

Yes, you've invested a lot. It sounds like you've invested in him, more than he's invested in you...

 

I don't mean to be blunt about it, but the sooner the better right? If his heart isn't completely there for you, at least you know now. Rather than to the extreme, you guys get married, have kids, and he cheats on you.

 

Better now than later right? I hope that you'll be okay. Someone else better will find you!

[mfurb33]

infaith, I'm not sure why, but your post brought tears to my eyes....

That was such an honest post...I feel your pain, as I too invested a lot emotionally and financially in a 3 year relationship that I thought was going to end in marriage. And I, too, was left with seemingly no remorse or regret from my partner. I'm sure she hurts every now and then, too...and I know she gave a lot emotionally and what she could financially to our relationship, and I appreciate that. But I guess it's a natural reaction to look at all you put into something that someone else 'throws away', so to speak. I know I did. My apartment, the money I had in the bank, was all for us a mere 9 months down the road for when we moved in together. But I realized that no matter how much I had given her, how much I had thought I'd sacrificed emotionally and physically...it wouldn't of changed things. Sometimes things just don't work out...and I like to believe that there's a reason it didn't, and that something or someone better is out there. Just keep your head up....go through these emotions and get them out...you weren't used, infaith...it wasn't like he didn't want to be there all 5 of those years. I'm sure all you did was appreciated by him at the time, and you're just a sweet, kind person to do all that for someone else. Someone will come along who truly deserves that kind of treatment from you...take care...

[RedHeartPillow]

You gave him everything, and he left you. What the heck happened? Maybe he was just not ready. I'm sure he appriciates everything you've done for him, but maybe he was telling you the truth, maybe he isn't good enough for you. You see, when guys are not ready, they're not. And there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. He might be feeling guilty about taking so much from you, and realize he can't return you anything, or marry you.

 

Now what? Hey, you invested a lot in him, why not invest in yourself? You obviously know how. Ok, so you created this confident, well-educated man, but in the process, you have become one hell of a woman, too. I'd say it was definitely worth it. It may seem like you've been used. But you'll learn a lot from this breakup. Right now it may only be heartbreak, but you'll grow stronger. You'll know that the give-take in relationship should be more equal. And I know you'll make a GREAT girlfriend.

 

The right one will come along. Everything on the way is just preparation.

 

Wish you all the best. And remember,healing takes time. There's no need to rush. Cry all you want, go run miles, or bang on the treadmill. Go take a vacation if you can. DO whatever to make yourself feel better (Shopping has some bad side-effects, use with care)

[Ccian]

WoW, sounds like me but i invested it for 6 years. I must say, its been almost 5 months since we broke up and i realized that during those 6 years, she was all i focused on and forgot about me. Now I am putting the energy in me and i feel fantastic. I work out, spend time with family and friends and work on hobbies that went to the way side while i was developing this young woman. She thanked me for everything I taught her as she was walking out the door to her new thang that she aquired before she left. She too told me, i was too good for her,, etc. The truth is now i know she is right. As you will see too. I spent 6 years wrapped up in her and helping her with confidence, career, and culture. But thats ok now i am concentrating on me. We barely talk, because that is how i want it. I wont add anymore to her education for someone else to enjoy her. I wont do that for anyone again. We need to find people who are where we need them to be already, and not spend our time creating.

 

A friend of mine told me. You need someone who actually brings something to the relationship. I now she that she was happy just showing up. I now want someone who wants more then just showing up. In time you may see that too.

 

Take care of you because no one else is...........

[kutekat100]

I feel the same too, i think i sent you a message recently to a private you sent me. I feel used and regretful. Coz he said he wanted to marry me but now I'm angry that he gave up on our relationship. i stuck by him at every hurdle but he has just given up. he says love isn't enough. But it was enough for me when i had to forgive him for stuff. More than feeling used I feel like the last three years have been such a waste. That it was a waste that we lived together for a year and got thru so much together. That all the time we spent talking about our dreams and plans has been worthless. he was all my dreams and now he's gone. I feel like he's bailed o me right when i needed him. e mail me if you wanna chat. x

[infaith]

Hey all! Appreciate every single one of ur thoughts...

 

Never doubted that my ex was sincere and true in his love during those 5 years…

Just feel it has been wasted years as I gave so much to a person who would have a change of heart in the end… sigh

 

He has decided to sever all ties with me…

He wants a change of direction and to start a new life…he sees I play no part in it…

This is a harsh reality of life - people change, they suddenly have a need to engage in the pursuit of different things and abandon little valuable things that seem irrelevant at the moment …

They have a picture of life that they see and they will do away with things that do not seem to fit in it…it is sad when such 'things' include people as well…

 

When u realise that the person you loved is so shallow and gets blinded by the false realities of life, you are utterly disappointed…

It is immensely painful to let them go, knowing they have to learn certain things on their own…

 

Used to love passionately…had a playful innocent nature that gets excited by the little things in life…

Don't think I would love so passionately again…my next love would perhaps be more sober and quiet…

Is that bad?