Lost first real love suddenly

[Magic_star829]

I trully believe in my heart that I am in love with him. We have only been together for 4 months, but in those 4 months I have fallen so hard for him, I have also invested everything I had for once (because I had a previous pattern of not opening up, putting walls etc..) and today I am broken. I didn't even have a warning except for maybe 2 days when I thought he seemed a little distance but I chalked it up to him being busy with school. One week ago he was sleeping over, we were having fun, life was great. Then last night...he takes me to an Evanescence concert...and walks me home...before I open my door...he tells me it's over. It doesn't work for him, he needs to concentrate on school and we are in different places. I have been dumped before..but have never felt like this.

 

All night I have been crying and crying, and when I tried to sleep the pain would prevent me. I can only discribe it as being in intense physical pain, and tossing and turning and not being able to make it go away. I can't breathe. I literally had trouble breathing, and still have to take large breaths. I'm not in a good place at all. I never thought I'd end up here. I"m a happy person normally, I am not prone to depression...but now it took every ounce of energy to sit up in bed. I have no passion left. I can't stop crying. Everything reminds me of him. I'm trying to kick my own out of this whole but I can't. It's too deep. I've lost my mojo. Thanks for listening.

[bubbles07]

hey magic star, I know how you feel, I too lost someone I love recently. You have to be good to yourself now and realize that it wasn't meant to be between you. You loved him but he didn't feel the same way about you. Maybe in time he might realize different but he also may not. Don't think that this is the end of you being happy because it isn't. It will take you some time to get over this and when you look back you will see that it wasn't as bad as it feels right now. Everything seems hard and bad at that moment but when you reflect upon it in the future, you will see that it wasn't as bad as you thought. Just look after yourself and realize that you don't need him to be happy. He has made his decision and you have to respect that. Only time will tell what really happens but right now you have to realize that he is gone and now you have to move on.

[Magic_star829]

Thanks Bubbles for your encouraging words. I have had a very hard day so far, I'm so raw right now anything can set me off in tears again. I tried thinking about things I didn't like about him to make me feel better but it was to no avail. I even tried to go online to a dating website and talk to guys but my heart's just not in it, and It's not helping much. Anyway thanks again for your kind words.

[Eileen101]

You are in the beginning of what seems like a free pass to hell, I know cuz I repeatedly go through this with my x that has Narcisistic Personality disorder. But just try to think of it this way, I have been seeing the jerk that has been making my life hell for SEVEN yrs. I could beat myself silly for doing that!! IF I could of gotten out at four months I would be in such a different place right now. So that is definitley a positive note. Just one way of looking at it, not to say that you are not valid in the way you feel cuz you are, just be glad that you are not ultra attached to this person. Good luck to you, hang in there. Eileen.

[Magic_star829]

Thanks Eileen for your encouragement. I'm sorry to hear about your ex, wow 7 years I would be destroyed I think! Now I'm kind of angry at him...I mean what a stupid excuse...he had to concentrate on his studies??? If he really liked me he'd make time...besides it's not like I needed to see him every day!! I'm soo angry at how he just used that as a reason instead of owning up to the truth! uhhh!!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it sounds like you had a massive anxiety attack, i hope you are feeling a bit better... it is indeed quite a shock to think everything is fine, then be dumped on your doorstop!

 

lots of people take the easy way out when breaking up, and they don't always give you the real reason for it either... he may have spotted someone else he wants to pursue, or already be doing it... but most people aren't courageous enough to tell the truth in a breakup when it makes them look bad...

 

so that 'concentrating on his studies' could just be something he dreamed up that didn't blame you for the breakup, but still he's not taking responsbility for it either... how noble, he is willing to sacrifice to be a better student... LOL!! i hope you see the humor in that, how silly of him to say such a thing.

 

Anyone, he probably wants to date around and not commit to anybody right now. that's my translation of 'concentrate on his studies...' (and not be responsible to any one girl...)

 

chin up, there are lots of guys out there who will know it is normal to concentrate on their studies, AND their girlfriend...

[Magic_star829]

Thanks Bestrongbehappy for your reply! I do think it was some sort of panic or anxiety attack...it was kind of scary...even when I was in the sort of trance....staring into space and not being able to get myself to move or do anything but sit....that was pretty odd as well...it's amazing how much one thing can affect you so much isn't it? You know I know his excuse was bull and I sure hope there is a great guy out there for me! Kind of strange..I know the steps of grieving but..I'm not sure where this one falls into? Denial maybe? Am I backtracking in my steps? I thought I was doing good...see I've been having these images of him showing up at my door with flowers or something and saying he wants me back, and he really just got scared or something....and I havn't contacted him since and hope to stay strong and NOT...just move on...but these 'daydreams' are quite powerful.

[Ballerina5]

You are in the beginning of what seems like a free pass to hell, I know cuz I repeatedly go through this with my x that has Narcisistic Personality disorder. But just try to think of it this way, I have been seeing the jerk that has been making my life hell for SEVEN yrs. I could beat myself silly for doing that!! IF I could of gotten out at four months I would be in such a different place right now. So that is definitley a positive note. Just one way of looking at it, not to say that you are not valid in the way you feel cuz you are, just be glad that you are not ultra attached to this person. Good luck to you, hang in there. Eileen.

 

I've been doing it three years now after a 4-month relationship as well. I realize looking back that I should have refused to be friends, but he wanted to be so I tried, poorly I might add. He's one of those types that always has to have a girlfriend so he has been in committed relationships with a handful of girls over the last few years. Then when the going gets tough, he comes to my shoulder to talk about serious issues that he says he can't discuss with anyone else. Every occasion we have both been slightly intoxicated has always led to touchy-feely and him flipping out when he sobers up. It's been a yo-yo game for so long just keeping me at arms length. I'm in a bad spot because I mean, I've been putting on like I'm over it for years now. It would be so incredibly stupid sounding to start no contact for no apparent reason when technically we're just friends. I've tried going a few days without talking to him, but then he starts calling and emailing. I really have no idea what to do.

 

My advice to the OP -- all or nothing. Do NOT be friends, at least not right away. It just doesn't work.