never feel so alone in my life

[longhaircats]

I found out 6 days ago that my ex boyfriend of almost 3 years is already living with someone else. We ended 4 mo ago. He wanted to settle down and I wasn't sure if he was the "one." So he broke up with me. I am hurt because he replaced me so quickly. I feel like our 3 years didn't mean anything to him.

 

I was dating a guy for over a month, but he pulled away all the sudden and I am hurt again because I though that he was someone I could trust.

 

I am scared that I would never be able to find a man I could open up my heart again. I am scared that I might be single forever. I'm 37, divorced, no kids. This evening I was trying to fix a home appliance in my flat and I spend two hours in vain. It hits me because I am so alone. I moved to a new city to start my PhD, and am still trying to adjust myself to the new environment. I am so depressed I haven't been able to focus on my research. I miss my friends, my cats, my family, and memories of what I had with my ex. I am just sitting here in front of my computer, crying, feeling all alone.

 

Just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading.

[LukeHarper]

Do not worry. Almost everyone has been through heartache in their lives. I can definitely relate--I had a girlfriend for 2 years break up with me and suddenly, she was with some new guy 2 months later...Just be kind to yourself, don't rebound. There is someone out there, and you will find him, just be patient.

[Batya33]

I am sorry you feel lonely. Ask yourself why you thought you could trust someone in a romantic sense after only knowing him for a month? Is it because you were reacting to your fear of being alone that you convinced yourself that it was ok to trust someone intimately when you only knew him for a month? Perhaps he sensed that you were getting too attached too soon and that scared him. It would scare me.

 

It is time to count your blessings - I have a friend who is 40 - she is married to a wonderful guy, two lovely kids. Her mother died last summer of breast cancer and she was diagnosed a few months ago with breast cancer, had a double masectomy and is now undergoing chemo. So, I know that it's not so productive to compare, but please just give it some thought.

[rosie76]

Hey - hate to think of you sitting there alone, but have nothing helpful to say except I am sitting here too. I also dumped a guy who I wasn't sure was the one - pretty sure he wasn't actually - but was hurt when he moved on quickly. And I also fear I'm not going to find anyone and gave up my best chance to be with someone, have kids, etc. I moved from the US to the UK for a PhD and it took me a long time to feel like this was my home, that I had my own friends here, and that that made up for missing what I'd had before - family, cat, not feeling out of place. So maybe I understand a bit, but maybe I don't - do know very well what it's like to be looking at the computer with no email in the inbox thinking I've no one to talk to or to look to for comfort, though, and just wanted to say hello.

 

Have you moved from the US to the UK or vice versa? I think you say the former, but then you use 'flat' instead of 'apartment' so it couldn't be too recent a move? What's the PhD in?

[Wandering_Sword]

You're in good company I'm sorry to hear about the loneliness that you're going through, for me I dealt with it by going to the gym, walking around a mall (not to shop but for the ambient noise of other people) or watching something really funny (for some reason hearing my own laughter helped).

If nothing works for you, were here as a sounding board.

Hang tough, you WILL get through this.

[Jeff777]

Hey - 37 is young girl!

But,We all go through these times of lonliness and despondency. Funny - but sometimes it helps us. Hang in there - it does get better you know.

[need2bme]

I am right there with you...RIGHT THERE!

 

The GF of a VERY LONG TIME, decided to call it quits last year. She now has a new BF that is moving in. We have been separated with me working in another area, for about a year and broken up for about almost 8 months.

 

Now mind you, this guy is moving into the apartment that I had with her. It really eats at me. But, ya know what? I cannot change it. I would like to have a chance with her, but I don't have it. I will not miss trying to convince her to talk to me though.

 

So, in November of last year, a beautiful woman asked me out. She was 37, had no kids (but wanted them) and was (I thought) a woman who had it all together. Needless to say, it went really fast and she bailed. I think if she would have given it a chance, it might have developed into something.

 

I must admit that now with the feeling I have for my ex, who knows.

 

Look at it this way;

 

You are not stuck with someone who secretly does not love you. Most of the time when someone finally leaves, they have been thinking about it for a while. In fact, it is said and I believe that they leave the relationship mentally, long before they actually tell us.

 

Also, you can fix appliances girlie AND you are going for your PhD. Say it with me, "your PhD". I am still working for my degree right now and you are on your PhD.

 

Any time you feel lonely, just come on here and post. {HUGS!!!}

[flutterbywngs]

I'm sorry... I know how you feel. I've been feeling alone too. I just posted about that same feeling a few days ago.

 

Sometimes I just miss knowing he's going to walk thru the door after work, or sit down to dinner with me. I know our relationship had to end... he wasn't good for me, but there is still that longing for familiarity. We were married for 15 years, together for 17 and our marriage officially ended last spring. He got engaged to someone we use to work with just 6 months after I left. OUCH!

 

This is a great place to vent. I've been given lot's of great advice and words of support.

 

Hang in there. I have faith that things will get better

[Fallback guy]

I can relate,im 37,never been married and no children.I know thoughts of will i ever meet someone again or will i die lonely cross my mind as well,and yes it dumbfounds me how easy some folks can move on like it meant nothing to them.

 

I believe in a higher power and that something good is around the corner for both you and everyone here going thru this pain,meanwhile try and focus( I know easy to say and hard to do) on your PhD and remember that there is someone out there waiting for you to love them the way you want to be loved.

[Batya33]

I believe in being proactive in finding someone to love and share a life with. It's sweet and romantic to imagine that someone is out there waiting for you but not realistic particularly if you live in a larger city and are not in school or in some kind of social environment with other single people. Sure some people find love when they least expect it and others decide to put themselves out there- answer ads on the internet, tell people they are open to being set up with other single people, do activities that attract single people, etc. and find someone to love and to marry. The former sounds more romantic but to suggest that all we need to do is "wait" is not good advice, IMHO. We don't give that kind of advice about finding work we love or friends we love, right?

[longhaircats]

Thank you everyone for giving me your kind words. It means a lot to me.

 

I've been feeling like this since my ex called me last Saturday and the new guy bailed at the same time. I hate the fact that I came here for my research yet I have not been able to do anything because I am so distracted. I always had a confidence in me in the past: I am fairly atractive, look young, smart, am a good cook, and I don't cheat. But that confident wonan is gone. I meet people 10 years younger than me in school and bar/clubs, but I don't feel confortable dating a young man.

 

rosie76, yes I moved from the US to the UK about 3 mo ago. I don't feel like home at all, because the flat is a temporary place and I have to go back to the US in 2 mo to decide if I want to be based in the US or not. I'm not a US citizen, but I still have a part-time job there. My original plan was to go back to the US and live with my ex and my cats, but now I don't have to be there.

 

need2bme, I feel your pain. I was left alone in the apartment we used to live together, so I didn't have to go through the situation you are in. But still it eats at me too.

 

flutterbywngs, I totall understand what you mean. It is our memory that haunts us. You put your heart and soul to a parson for a long time, and it strikes me that our old partners can move on so quickly. I though, believe that they rush into a new relationship out of desparation, and that would explain 70% divoce rate of the second marrige.

 

Betya, I was proactively looking someone in the past 2 mo or so, but it wasn't fair because I wasn't over my ex. However, dating new people made me realized that I am capable of loving someone again. I will keep looking.

[Pisces_Princess]

longhaircats,

 

Hi, where in the UK are you?

[longhaircats]

Hi Pisces_Princess,

 

I'm in SW London. It's my first winter in the Europe. The weather really gets me! Where is the sun??

[Batya33]

Sorry - that response wasn't meant for you - it was just meant to argue that simply "waiting" for a "true love" is mostly romantic nonsense. Meaning, "if" you were ready to date then "waiting" is not a productive approach.

 

Consider reevaluating your life so that just because you aren't dating someone doesn't make you that lonely. I realize hearing about your ex is painful and I realize you jumped in to fast with the new guy and got hurt, but when that hurt subsides, you need to make sure you have activities, friends, maybe even volunteer work - so that your core well being doesn't depend on whether some man calls you again after a few dates or whether your ex is dating someone else.

 

Perhaps a one or two day pity party but to go from feeling upset about that situation to feeling that lonely means that you haven't done the work of creating an independent and fulfilling life for yourself. It's not easy particularly after college or grad school but it can be done. I did it.

[flutterbywngs]

I hope you find happiness again soon. Take some time for yourself. Date, Don't Date...do whatever feels right to you at that moment in time