I dont know anymore

[iceman85]

I dont know. I just dont know.

 

Me and this girl have liked each other for months now. Because of the age difference shes 17 im 21. We havent really been together other than a short period of time when she thought I was younger than I was. I was stupid and kept my age a secret. She found out and that was that.

 

But things recovered, we still liked each other alot, of course we couldnt be together, but we still sorta were. We saw each other very infrequently, but I work with her so we would see each other there.

 

The other night she comes to see me at work. I was really happy, we hugged and kissed. This group of girls then comes up to me after she had left and is talking with me. They wanted me to do a favor for them so I did. There was one girl in particular that really seemed into me. I was getting in my car and she jumped on my lap to take a picture. I guess I got caught up in the moment and just held her while the picture was being taken.

 

Last night the girl that I am sorta involved with tells me that she is going on a date later this week. I am pretty upset and overreact. She tells me its nothing really but I dont believe that. I went to see her last night and even spent the time to get her a little something. Something that I never do and that she asked me to do. She also found out that I had been drinking last night because I was upset and this just made things worse.

 

Today she calls me and flips out because someone told her about the group of girls the other night and they had the picture that they took of me and one of the girls. The girl I am kinda involved with (or not, i'm not even sure) says that the look on my face is telling. I tell her thats not true, that i care about her and that any guy will probably smile in a similar situation.

 

I know I probably sound like a buffoon to most of you. And I have been. What I want to know is what do I do now?

[engagedkitty]

Where do you live? It is legal to pursue 17 year old girls where you live?

 

That's my first question, before I make an attempt to advise.

[iceman85]

I'm not exactly sure. Probably isn't and im an idiot

[flower99]

You're not an idiot....you're human (: we've all done things we shouldn't.

 

But honestly I would leave it alone. And trust that if it's meant to be it will be. Because nature, God, fate, (the law)...whatever it is seems to be keeping you two apart (even before this issue). And It's Probably for a good reason. Let it be.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

You're not an idiot, but.. I would be very careful when pursuing a minor.

 

I personally am against it and feel that it's wrong. I'm not going to sugarcoat it; I think it's a law that is WORTH not breaking. If you like her this much, is it possible for you to chill out a while and wait till she's at least 18?

 

You can see how she 'flips out' over some picture, when you two are not even together. This demonstrates her maturity. She has the maturity of a teenage girl because she is one; what more can you expect? You're a grown man in his 20's.

 

Tell the girl the truth. That the girl in the picture was interested in you but it was a simple spur of the moment picture. You're not dating so you don't have to explain things to her anyway. It seems so high schoolish. And though I can't force you to conform to my opinions, I'd recommend at least finding a girl 18 or older.

[iceman85]

I respect your opinion engagedkitty. I thought the same thing myself. But I cant explain it, when you care about someone and someway somehow the age doesnt break the deal for you. I mean I think in my situation its reasonable. But i respect your opinion. And yes we talked about down the line if things were like they were that we would revist things at 18. I guess we just really liked each other and all. I dont know. Its a pretty confusing thing.

 

Your right though, it is hard dealing with the high school stuff when Im beyond it. I have looked for girls my own age, and my ex was, I just was so depressed after my ex left me that I just sort of opened up to anything, and this is what came.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I respect your opinion engagedkitty. I thought the same thing myself. But I cant explain it, when you care about someone and someway somehow the age doesnt break the deal for you. I mean I think in my situation its reasonable. But i respect your opinion. And yes we talked about down the line if things were like they were that we would revist things at 18. I guess we just really liked each other and all. I dont know. Its a pretty confusing thing.

 

Your right though, it is hard dealing with the high school stuff when Im beyond it. I have looked for girls my own age, and my ex was, I just was so depressed after my ex left me that I just sort of opened up to anything, and this is what came.

 

As much as I hate to say something that even appears to go somewhat against my values, I'd slightly agree that in your situation it's not too unreasonable. (You being 21, her being 17. She's probably going to be 18 soon?) I wouldn't say it's the worse crime in the world.. it's not like you're 25 chasing after teens or anything. I'm not trying to make you feel disgusting or anything for liking her. You do seem to like her for the right reasons, not just because you're an older guy trying to manipulate a teen for sex. And like I said, it's not like you're 25 or anything. I just recommend approaching such a situation with caution, that's all.

 

 

What are you planning to do? Is she angry at you right now because of the picture?

[flower99]

I just was so depressed after my ex left me that I just sort of opened up to anything, and this is what came.

 

it's good to open up to anything but don't settle for 'whatever comes along.'

Regardless of age, There are so many issues here (lies, jealousy, date with other men,insecurities over a picture and that just the beginning cause you aren't even in a relationship yet..how will you get past these?)....i believe you might be settling.

Maybe all these issues are natures way of saying, get out before it's too late? just something to think about

[valiantv]

Yeah when she's 18 it'll all click into place and she'll know all about the world.

 

Seriously though what is she doing going out with another guy while she is going out with you? And it was only a picture! But are you in the US? AFAIK there is a fairly formalised approach to "dating" over there (as opposed to just "going out"). But IMHO, going out with someone on a "date" is worse than taking a photo...

 

Look in the face... I don't know either, but before pursuing her, that's one thing that you should sort out, that sort of "emotional blackmail" could come back to haunt you later in the relationship, and should probably be nipped in the bud...

[annie24]

It's not illegal for you to pursue her, it's just illegal for you to have sex with her. (depends on where you live though). When does she turn 18? when I was 18, I was dating a 24 year old man. so, it happens. i don't think 17 and 21 is too bad of an age gap. if you like her, keep in contact with her, but don't really start in on the full romance until she turns 18.

 

I find it odd that she flipped out about some photo, but yet she is going on dates with other guys? seems to me if she is dating other guys, you should be allowed to do the same.

 

good luck

[Joneysnai]

why would u want to persue something with someone who is SO YOUNG? she obviously doesn't know what she wants because if she wanted to b with you she wouldn't be going out on dates with other guys. period. you already sound like you are stressed out over this "relationship", i don't want to be mean or anything but u should break it off. her dating other guys should be a clear sign to u that she isn't all into u as u think she is.