getting over those lingering feelings...

[ariyadhana]

So I feel like I am for the most part over the guy I dated in the fall. I don't have any desire to go back to him or be treated the way he treated me again. Unfortunately there is this one little problem. I still seem to fantasize about him. How do I stop doing this when I haven't met someone new yet? I'm finding I always have to have someone to think about, and I don't know how to train my brain to get past that and to be truly happy with my independence. Any thoughts?

[redding500]

You are fantasizing about him because "nature abhors a vacuum." Meaning, when our present is empty, we fill it with the past. So, when those thoughts start to creep up, as comforting as they feel, drive them out by focusing on his least desirable qualities. And, yes, it does help to get out there and find a few new "projects."

[Heretic]

Wow female, 24, Canada and a nice avatar! A match made in heaven

 

Seriously though, I didn't stop fantasizing about my ex for a long time. I was even in another relationship and still found myself thinking about them. It wasn't often but I still did. I felt very guilty about it. Then one day I just stopped. Nothing had changed it just didn't come into my mind anymore.

 

So sorry I don't have any hints as to how to stop those pleasant fantasies, but I can tell you they will stop. Just don't try to get rid of them by starting another relationship. I think when you stop fantasizing that might be a sign you're ready to move on.

 

I hope this helps.