Need your opinion on these confusing events.....

[tray25]

Thanks for reading and your opinions are welcome.

 

Almost two weeks ago I got dumped by my girlfriend who is 20 yrs. old. We had been together for a total of 3 months. For the last 4 weeks she stopped the sex, affection, kissing, and everything else but hanging out and calling. My reaction was what the hell is going on? May have been the wrong reaction. I thought she wasn't into me or that she liked someone else. I kept bugging her about it. She said she was not feeling well. She went to the doctor for migraines, she was losing her hair, no sex drive, and etc. I tried to support her but I would always get yelled at or she would be sharp with me. We were arguing a lot in those 4 weeks but I just wanted to help and know what was going on. Well, almost two weeks ago she dumped me, citing that she was tired of not making me happy, or that she wasn't giving me what I wanted. I said my apologies and said I just wanted to be treated better and that I would always be there for her if she was sick. But to no avail, she would not call me back. I tried for a couple days but no answer. So then I quit. One week later she texted me "I do miss you". Being a normal person who would think that this was a positive sign I said "me too" and called her the next day to see if she wanted to meet. She texted me back this "I don't know what I want to do. Just give me a while. I'm sorry". I was giving up at this point and wrote this back "No worries. If you could give me a chance to show you change rather than tell you, that would be great. If not, that's okay too because sometimes you get one shot and if that's the case then there is nothing more I can do. I hope you let me win your heart. Take care." This was all I said and left it at that. I haven't heard from her since and its been 4 days. I feel guilty for losing this girl but at the same time angry that she wouldn't even call me back after she broke up. Was this my fault? Was I too needy even though I just wanted answers? I just wanted to help if she was sick but at the same time be treated fairly. What should I do now? Anyone think she will have a change of heart? Or is she gone. Did she use her health as an excuse to get rid of me? I just want answers or closure, I can't seem to get it from her. I like her a lot, and just feel guilty if I pushed her too much when she was sick. I have never dated a young girl before so I need some opinions on what the hell just happened.

 

Thanks.

[robowarrior]

A relationship is all about being together, but still being able to do your own thing.

 

You where wrong of expecting her to treat you fairly during her period of being sick. Mood alterations are normal during almost any kind of sickness, and especially with migraines, if someone keeps on nagging you and pissing you off by pushing you around, then your just asking for disaster.

 

If she's having a difficult period its about her and not you. The strong carry the weak, its not that im saying you don't matter, im just saying that it wasn't a good period to press your complaints and issues on her.

 

What you should have done was asking her what she wants,instead of pushing her into the direction you wanted her to go. Is a relationship all about what you want? Its a subtle process of giving and taking.

 

You've closed yourself off, and refused to listen to her complaints while she was asking for breathing space.

 

Imagine if you (honestly) have a splitting headacke, and here i come yelling in your ears.

 

Its not really about being wrong or right, its more about the wrong time, and maby your timing on when you should adress issues is at fault.Its not always a good moment for everything, so be sure you are on the same frequency as her if you want to continue to have a decent conversation/relationship going.

[tray25]

Does anyone else have any opinions? I can't change the past but how can I fix this with someone who won't contact me? Did I do the right thing by texting her back when she said she missed me? Everyone told me that was a mistake.

[need2bme]

Tray: Robo gives some good advice on this one and it rings true in my sitch, as well. Sometimes, we have to just be there.

 

I never learned, until now, to just give. It is normal to feel jaded or unwanted, but if your GF was laying on the couch with a hurt back and in so much pain she was throwing up and had to go to the emergency room; would you sleep in your bed?

 

Of course you wouldn't. You would sleep on the floor right next to her, holding her hand and letting her know that you were right there.

 

I too am not saying that you do not matter. You do. I too used to get very confused at what my ex was thinking and she would never talk about it. She keeps everything inside. So, even when she was feeling bad, I took it as a sign that she had issues with me.

 

Sooner or later, we all have to realize how to put the baggage down and love unconditionally. This is NOT an attack, it is simply advice on what I am learning.

 

Also, just because someone is in pain, I agree that it does not give them free reign to make you feel bad, but you could bring that up at a later time in an appropriate matter.

 

As for texting her, I think you did just fine. You are not a mind reader. Give her the space she needs and let her contact you. I know it is hard, but you have done your part.

 

If you want, then call her in about a week, "just to see how she is doing".

 

It will all be ok. You did the right thing. Now, just remember that you care for her.