I wonder if its me...

[Ladydragonflagg]

Ok, well, I suppose this is more of a rant than a question, but maybe your insights will help...

 

I have trouble keeping friends. I dont know if its because I am a bad person, or if I am annoying or what, but let me give you a typical scenario in my life...

 

I talk to someone, make friends, I am a really nice person and will always go out of my way to be nice to someone, offer help when needed and stuff like that, maybe that makes me a push over. But I will have these friends, but no one ever calls me, I am always the one that has to make the call, always the one who bends over backwards to make plans, and then when plans are made, to say meet somewhere for lunch, the other person never shows. I can not tell you how many times I have driven to a restaraunt to just sit in the parking lot and wait for an hour and drive away disappointed. Its weird, my husbands friends always label us as the "nice couple" we always help anyone out, and no matter what, if one of our friends called us in the middle of the night and needed us we would be there. But I can honestly say that I dont have a single friend that would do the same for me.

 

I dont know if its me, or are people just so damn inconciderate that breaking plans isnt a big deal to most people? Maybe I am just making friends with the wrong people, or like I said before, maybe I am just a pushover.

[ElektraHere]

Well first off you are not a bad person. Secondly, are your friends just very over commited? With kids functions and/or sports, running a household, etc? I have felt the same as you at times but you just have to do things you enjoy. In doing that you run into those who you share a common bond with and hence new friendships can start.

 

Its harder to make friends as we get older but it can be done. Don't give up and don't get down on yourself. I would say don't give more to the friendship than what the other can or is willing to give. It will only leave you upset with dissappointing expectations.

 

Good luck.

[emma34]

I've found myself in a similar rut...in my case, my boyfriend has lots of friends, and i find myself without - even though i try and try. It can be really discouraging when you try and try to make a connection and it never comes.

 

Personally, I think it's just the wrong ppl. I mean, some ppl are so busy and have lots of friends, or enough anywasy, that they just don't have room for more...don't take that as an insult. On the otherhand, when ppl stand u up or something without a proper apology and excuse...don't take that. you don't deserve it. there are lots of ways to meet ppl, so keep trying.

[renaissancewoman101]

Maybe people can tell that you are too nice and desperate to have friends. I can empathize with you. I tend to be like you in that I am really kind to people, understanding and I try to be there for my friends whenever they need me. That has led to me becoming a doormat to some of my friends and them taking advantage of me when they want to.

 

Lately, I've learned that I have to watch out for myself and if I stand up for myself, and dont take crap from people, people will respect you more and respect the friendship more.

 

If you just take it and not react, people will just step all over you.

[annie24]

that used to happen to me, but doesn't happen to me anymore. I've started being more assertive. If you are waiting for 15 minutes, and they don't show up, I would call them and be like, "Hi - I'm here, where are you?" If they don't pick up, next time they call you for a favor or whatever be like, "Hey - I realize that you're busy, but so am I! If you can't make it, fine, but you need to tell me in advance."

 

stand your ground, woman!