She's vietnamese, and I'm confused. Dating advice?

[Picotazo101]

Well, I could write an essay here, but I'll try to be as brief as possible while not losing any of the message.

 

So, I'm in college, and I've known this girl for over a year now. We met in a class, and took a second class together the semester afterwards. She invited me to an Asian New Years show at her old high school and introduced me to her sister and her younger brother. We went to lunch a couple times, got coffee a couple times, she brought me this mexican hot chocolate that she knew I wanted when I found out it was sold at the store she works at.

 

Basically, I could never figure out if she was interested in dating, or just being friends, or what. That second semester there was a lot of tension between us. I did in fact ask her out a couple times. The first time I had thought we would go downtown but it wound up being changed to grabbing a bite at a restaurant near her house because she had to pick her brother up (she has seven sisters and two brothers). The second time she called me at the last minute and told me that she had to work late but proposed we get some drinks and we did.

 

We hadn't talked for a while, but I called her a couple days ago. She was driving home from work. Whenever she and I talk, she never seems to run out of things to talk about and we chatted for a little bit until she got home and then had to clean up because a toilet had backed up. But she asked if I wanted to get together for some drinks and said Sunday was her only day off. That was today, and it was nice to see her again. We wrapped up because she had to pick her mother up but said she and her brothers might go play Bingo and would call me if I wanted to come along.

 

The answer is probably staring me in the face, but I have never been much of a dater and I suck at reading the language of male and female interactions. I am crazy for her and I have been since we met. I know that, when it comes to Asian families like hers, family comes first and I'm fine with that, but I am wondering if anyone has ever had a similar experience? Any advice would be appreciated.

[kellbell]

Ask her out, ASAP. On a proper date. The reason why I am telling you this is because when things do not go as originally planned, she offers to meet up sometime later or with something else to do and follows up on it. To me, she seems very interested.

 

Come on dude....BUST A MOVE!

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

It sounds very possible that she IS interested in you "in that way," but she has truly been too busy.

 

On the other hand, what if she likes you just as a person to "hang out" with once in a while (and nothing more)?

 

Or, maybe she does like you, but doesn't want to get too involved with you because her parents will not accept you (being non-Vietnamese)?

 

They're all a bunch of possibilities, and you'll only know what the deal is unless you ask her.

 

Tell her that you're interested in being more than friends. If she rejects you, then so what, you'll have a nice friend on your hands (sorry if that's no consolation).

[Picotazo101]

She sent me a text a little while ago:

 

"Hey i forgot to say thanks alot for the drink and it was nice chatting with ya talk to ya later."

 

I think the only reason I've had so much trouble in the past is because she's a very busy person. She's kept busy with the family and she works a lot at her job. I guess one of my biggest worries is that she's already got so much going on right now that she might not be too interesting in a possible relationship. I'll probably call her tomorrow and try to ask her out. Thanks for the words of advice.

[kellbell]

Yes, ask her out. That was a very nice text. Although she is busy, she takes the time to show she appretiates the time you spend together, which to me, that is a very positive sign. Go for it buddy!! Good luck.

[p_fred]

Do it! She is calling you.... that is a clear sign she is in to you! Trust me.. if she wasn't she wouldn't call you or send you text messages like the one you described.. She is a busy girl! If you like her go for it!

 

Next time you are together (just you two alone doing something) walk her to the door or car or whatever and kiss her on the lips (don't ask before.. just go for it! say her name first if you need her to turn around to face you) if she likes it you are in! if she turns her head away and you kiss her cheek instead then not so good.. back to being friends and now you know! Say you just saw a french movie or something and say you are supposed to kiss her other cheek too... hahah

 

Lucky guy. Sounds like a win-win situation for you.

[charley]

She sounds nice. She defineately likes you. She's trying. You like her too. What more do you want?

 

Since her family is a big part of her life, do some things with her and her family. She already suggested that with the bingo right? In a way, think of it as a family date, because you'll want to get along with her family.

 

This is very much the same as when I've dated a woman who has a kid or two. Single moms don't have much free time, especially if they are working or college students. The solution is easy. Family dates. Do something with her and her kid(s). Besides, I want to get to know her kids anyway. I can have fun with them as a group like we're a family. We can still have private dates sometimes when she gets a baby sitter.

 

You situation isn't that much different. You can do things with her and her family and have fun. You'll build repoire with them and that will increase your repoire with her. You need her family to like you anyway because I can't see an Asian girl dating someone her family doesn't like. Doing fun things with them will be fun, and build repoire and trust. That will make your occasional private dates (just two of you) much better. If you want to date her, you must become part of her family.

 

No, I've never dated an Asian girl personally (though I'd love to), but I've been very good friends with two Asian women. I've also been very good friends, almost like brothers, with two Asian guys and their families. So I have some idea what I'm talking about. If you want to date her, you'll have to also date her family. It'll be great fun for everyone and you'll become like a family member.

[Picotazo101]

Well, I know what I want. The signs I get, I feel, are all over the place.

 

Most every time we've ever been out, it's been for coffee, for a drink, a quick dinner, and so forth. It's always between classes, for lunch or before something else that she has to run and do. What I'm trying to say is that we've never been on something I would really consider a "date". Meaning I pick her up, or we even meet somewhere, and really spend a few hours talking, doing stuff, really getting to know one another. A place where we're there isn't a class looming or she has to take off to pick up her mother or something else.

 

When we're together, we talk a lot. Never run out of stuff to talk about but I really don't feel like I'm crossing that threshold and learning stuff that people who aren't close to don't know. When we part to go to our separate classes, there's never an opportunity for me to really go in for a hug or a squeeze of the arm or anything. If I really wanted to go for it I'd have to tackle her or something, in a manner of speaking.

 

She always seems up for meeting up, she counter-offers if she can't get together when I propose we do, and she's even gone and asked me a number of times. I don't feel like I'm ever given that chance to really make a move.

 

THis is driving me insane! I'm so crazy for her but I can't tell if we're just friends or what.

[Picotazo101]

Ah nevermind it. I've thrown out the phone number and I'm calling it quits. I can't take it anymore; this banging my head on some invisible wall. I can't take the mixed signals anymore. She must just want to be friends and I'm reading into it more than I should.

 

Thanks anyways for the advice.

[need2bme]

No, I've never dated an Asian girl personally (though I'd love to), but I've been very good friends with two Asian women. I've also been very good friends, almost like brothers, with two Asian guys and their families. So I have some idea what I'm talking about. If you want to date her, you'll have to also date her family. It'll be great fun for everyone and you'll become like a family member.

 

This seems true with most cultures, othere than American. My ex is from a Hispanic country and it was exactly the same way and was sometimes cause for major stress.

 

Ah nevermind it. I've thrown out the phone number and I'm calling it quits. I can't take it anymore; this banging my head on some invisible wall. I can't take the mixed signals anymore. She must just want to be friends and I'm reading into it more than I should.

 

Thanks anyways for the advice.

 

Did you ask her out on a proper date? Man, I see more people on here that don't ask for what they want. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand and I have done it, but ya gotta ask her out and tell her how you feel.

[Picotazo101]

I've tried, man. Between her busy schedule and God knows what else, it's been abosolutely impossible to get into a position where I can really tell her how I feel.

 

I'm not hoping for a moonlit stroll on a beach somewhere, but a quiet, collected moment where I can really look her in the eyes and tell her how I feel would be great. I just can't get it. It's always in a busy coffee shop or crowded student union, walking to class or a quick conversation on the phone as she drives home from work before she has to hang up to do something with her family.

 

At this point I wouldn't have even wanted to see if I could be certain if she felt the same way, or let some worry about getting the "just friends" runaround stop me. I've been crazy about her since I met and I can't keep it bottled up anymore, but now I just need to vent it some other way. I don't have her number anymore. I was pretty thorough.