What should I think about this?

[agualibre777]

In particular I would like advice from men on this!! So... I posted some threads about this guy I'm dating... it was super cool, and then I got anxious one night about why he didn't call me back and worried about his safety and then contacted him too much about it and he didn't talk to me for five days.

 

He called me when he got back, we talked for two hours, joked about what happened. Agreed not to see each other cause the sexual tension was too high and we wanted different things. But I wanted to give him this picture I had drew that he really liked, so I came over to give it to him. And within minutes he was touching me and flirting with me and I kept telling him to stop.

 

And he said. can you explain this connection we have? Its so different than any connection I've had with anyone else.. And he wanted me to explain it and I told him he should try to explain it and then he kissed me and we didn't stop...

 

Sigh.

 

The thing is we ended up having sex again. But it was soooo strange. Usually he is a really good lover, this time I felt like he was using me for personal masturbation. He didn't really try to pleasure ME at all and afterwards I was left feeling odd. And we talked afterwards for a long, him encouraging me to go to med school, while but he didn't cuddle with me like he normally does and had the blanket on him forgetting I was without it. I had to tug it from him.

 

And during sex, he kept getting near me without a condom, but I wouldn't let him, I kept pulling away. I don't want him to even RUB on me without a condom. But he kept doing it. So I got off of him and moved away from him and he asked what was wrong, after a moment of silence I told him it made me nauseous that he did that, that I needed him to be on the same page with me about condoms, that it stressed me out.

 

In response he said "believe me, if i wanted to have unprotected sex with you, i would...... the reason we are using condoms is because i want to too"

 

it felt really weird he said that to me but I didn't address it. We kept talking but everything seemed so off. So I said to him "are you really introspective today" and he said he was, he was every new years. and would be the following day too. i said oh. and kept laying there, feeling empty about the whole thing. and i said... "something is wrong. something is off" and he said "what?" i said (sadly) "everything, everything about you tonight is off. i think i make you uncomfortable". and he said "is your feeling radar always really high?" and i said "i have a really good sense of intuition. whenever i don't follow it i get in trouble" and he started talking about the avoiding trouble thing, which to me was avoiding the topic. i quickly put the rest of my clothes and boots on while we were talking and announced i was leaving to go to a ny party (he knew i was planning on doing so already).

 

i said did he want me to lock the door before i left? he said, no that would be weird, he'd walk me out and he followed me. he had a strange look on his face, sort of goofy, gave me a hug. and i left.

 

so i sent him a text as i was leaving "sometimes words aren't needed" and went out. it was new years. started getting upset about what he said about condoms and called him left a message on his voicemail that it upset me he said that to me.

 

i sent him an email the following day/yesterday morning expressing my feelings about how maybe i talked too much and had revealed too much about myself, maybe it made him uncomfortable and i was sorry about that. that he was really an amazing powerful intelligent person and i wanted him to be one of my best friends over the long term. maybe for that end we shouldn't be sexual anymore so we can perserve something that was more important. that his energy was off the night before and i wanted us to get together and reach an understanding about what had happened.

 

i've left my phone off. cause i don't want to think about if he calls me or not. i don't want to feel bad when he doesn't. so i just leave it off. he never leaves me voice messages. he hasn't emailed me back.

 

i don't know what to think. i mean, i know what i have to do. not contact him. something was wrong. and he is really bad at communicating these sorts of things. it was sooooo strange. it really was... did i embarrass him by calling him out?? is he just not contacting me because friendship isn't really important to him? i know he avoids things, that's obvious... but maybe i contacted him too much afterwards, but i had a lot to say about it... and still do...

[birdgirl]

I don't like that cocky, "If I wanted to have sex with you without a condom, I would." I'm not saying he would force you, but it seems to me that he was implying that he feels he could convince you to do something you didn't want to do. Whether he thinks he's very convincing, or whether he thinks you're weak-willed ... that comment alone worries me. He doesn't seem respectful at all. I dated someone who made a comment like that once, and he turned out to be a controlling jerk.

[agualibre777]

yeah. i called him out on it and he hasn't contacted me back. it really hurts because that was the first and only sign i've had of being a jerk. i'm hoping he was just embarrassed i got off of him during sex and was trying to save face, while not really meaning it that way. but yeah, i dunno. i don't want to think of him as a jerk, i really don't. but maybe he is.

[kermit]

"If I wanted to have sex with you without a condom, I would."

 

That's not normal. That would worry me. And I'm an insensitive guy.

 

If I wanted to xxxxxxx you I would. Fill in the blank now, because that's what he'll say next....

[LittleLion24]

I think this guy sounds like a jerk among other things. I think you need to stop worrying about what "you" did wrong because I don't think you did anything wrong. Sometimes we women have a bad habit of over analyzing everything to the point that we drive ourselves nuts! So stop driving yourself nuts and kick this guy to the curb!

 

I think his whole "wanting an explanation about the connection between you two" and how it's different is nothing but a line, and he kissed you at that moment because he just wanted to have sex with you. From what you described his behavior screams he's just looking for a piece of you know what. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

 

Do yourself a favor. Get rid of this guy. He isn't worth your time and energy. Let him find his piece with some other girl. You're obviously smart because the condom thing freaked you out, as it would have me. thereforeeee, be smart and get rid of him, delete his number from your cell. Trust me, you'll feel much better!

[agualibre777]

yes, it's really hard to believe it. it really is. wow. he was a really, really smart player. the ****er.