The wave of emotions are getting to me

[drum4god]

Its day 7 since my girl broke up with me. I have been in strict NC since then. I was pretty strong the first 5 days. I was stronger than I believed I would be, in fact a part of me was relieved. I didn't have to deal with the guessing games. I didn't have to worry if I was going to see the Jessica that loved me, or the one who was cold and distant.

 

However yesterday a wave of emotion really hit me. I was in church, and she wasn't there. In a strange way I was hoping to see her, but I didn't. For some reason she didnt' show up. It surprised me, because she usually never misses church, and the fact it was the last service of the New Year made it even more surprising. Anyway, I just got really sad. I use to love going to church with her, and not having her sit next to me really hit me. At one point I had to hold back tears. It was very difficult, and I am still struggling today.

 

Last night I went out with friends to a bar/restaurant. I usually don't go out to bars, because I don't drink. I wanted to go out and get her off my mind, but it actually made it worse. Seeing all these couples hug and kiss was killing me. I was looking at the way some men seemed so in control and their girlfriends were the ones that were gravitating to their boyfriends. It made me jealous because I never had that with my girlfriend. I always seem to have initiate everything. It was really hitting on my confidence, because I realize for the most part I wasn't cool with my girlfriend. I realize I was always trying to make her happy and win her approval, and that probably turned her off. Its strange the less I would have done, the better it probably would have worked out. Its so frustrating that I speak hours typing, praying, reading books, talking to friends, and it wasn'tl fruitful. And there will be probably be someone who won't do anything, and she give him everything I wanted. That is what is killing me now.

 

I know its part of the process, but I really thought I was out of the woods. I felt so strong the first 5 days. I guess the reality of the situation just hit me, and I'm starting to see how my actions probably turned her off. Its so hard for me, because when I fall in love I give my all. I can't not care. I can't be cool. I can't not be vulerable. When I am not in love, I'm cool. When I am approaching strange women I am funny, cool, and confident, but it all goes to mush when I'm in love.

 

Well I just had to vent. I think I will be O.K, but today I'm really struggling.

[meantime]

Don't stop loving the way you love. The right girl is going to love the way you love.

[annie24]

yeah, I agree. one day you are going to meet a girl that is just as crazy about you as you are her. she'll be "gravitating" towards you all the time, like those couples you saw last night. And you'll be wondering why you wasted so much time on a woman that was so hot and cold.

 

happy 2007. clean slate.

[hailtothevictors]

Hey man, I know exactly how you feel. My g/f of 2.5 years broke up with me a little over a month ago, saying she didn't know if she loved me anymore. My relationship sounds very similar to yours: I initiated almost everything: planned the dates, did surprises for her, initiated the romance. I did everything for her and I think my situation was something of a "nice guy finishing last" situation. She started to take everything for granted and began to wonder what else was out there.

 

I agree with meantime though, don't change the way you are! You need a girl that will respect and love you for the way you are. Maybe your ex can be that girl, maybe not. I know that I am not willing to change how I am and I want a girl that will love me for that. I still think my ex can be that person, but I don't know for sure.

 

I understand what you mean with the church thing. Going places where you used to go with her: church/mall/movies, etc. are really tough. It especially is rough to see other couples - they ALL look SO happy! And it seems like they are everywhere. Today is Day 9 of complete NC for me and it definitely is challenging. It's so hard to completely stay away from a person that you love so much.

 

I don't know the circumstances of your breakup, but if you have chosen NC then it is probably best to stick with it. With NC, your ex will have the chance to finally "initiate" contact if she wants to. If not, you are on your way to getting yourself back and finding a girl that will gravitate toward you.

 

It will be very, very hard, but stay strong ... you will be alright! Remember that everything will work out how it is supposed to in the end.

 

Good luck and keep us posted

[samross]

Hang in there, brother. I know your pain. There is life after this but I know it hurts so much. You read everything you can, talk about it, think about it and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. I'm in limbo right now in my relationship and it hurts like hell. I'll pray for you, too. I don't believe God doesn't want us to be miserable but out of this pain I pray that something good will come for you and me. My band is trying out another guitar player this week so I'm rock bottom right now. Please pray for me, too.