DoctorWu Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 First of all, it's good to find a place like this to see advice. With stuff like this, it's nice to know that you aren't alone... Anyway, on to my situation. Like so many others on this subject, I have fallen pretty deep for a girl who dosen't want to take things any further than being best friends. I can accept that... We are the type of friends that started out talking on the phone all the time (having really deep conversations), hanging out frequently, etc. After about 3 months, things started to slow down probably around the time I expressed my feelings for her (no surprise here). We still talk almost daily and have a great time doing it. The problem here is that I'm trying to put those feelings behind me and still maintain the closness we have. When we talked about my feelings for her, I end up saying that I can get over it and things between us will stay the same. Am I kidding myself? I find myself still thinking about her all the time and part of me hopes that she will "see the light" and we can be more than just friends... The rational side says just move on but I just can't find a way to do it without doing something bad like ending the friendship. Can anyone help? Link to comment
Micksbabyboo Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 aww Well the thing is if you value her as a friend then you should move on..Not by doing something you will regret at the end like finishing a great relastionship but keep ur mind of it,try going out meeting new girls have fun and enjoy your life i mean its nice having some one to love but when the love isnt returned is heart breaking and you need to move on there is alot of girls who need to be loved out there just as much as you do so it would be a good idea to find some one..you cant wait your whole life for some one who just doesnt feel the same way you do and u cant force them to either I wish you luck Love, Dc Link to comment
justMe Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 I feel the pain as you do, DoctorWu, but I totally agree with Micksbabyboo's suggestion. Life will be really hard on you if you wanna stay as close friends and its almost impossible to move on like that. 2 years ago, almost the same thing happened to me. I so much wanna move on in life, and yet stay as friends with her... but I can't, I couldn't seem to be able to let go of this feelings i had for her. About 2 months ago, I did talk to her about it again, and she said she wasn't ready for all these and wanted to be friends... Now, I kinda found out that she's kinda having something going on with another guy... and I was felt very depressed because of that... but all there was to blame was me, because i decided to stick around and be an idiot. It easier said than done, but get on with you life. Meet other new girls out there who're willing to get into a relationship with ya. =) Good Luck, justMe Link to comment
DoctorWu Posted August 29, 2003 Author Share Posted August 29, 2003 Wow, that was fast... My rational side definitely agrees with both JustMe and Micksbabyboo. I should just move on emotionally. Let things be as they are with my friend and pursue other interests. But how close? Can we still be "best friends" or something less than that? DW Link to comment
justMe Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 oh well, maybe it's just me, but i'd find it really hard to treat her as friends for the moment because I've feelings for her, and that feeling kind of feeling just strikes at me whenever i see her. and the only way i could get rid of this kind of feeling for her was to not see her for a period of time and let the feeling fade. but she's already part of my everyday close friend, and thats one of the reason i couldn't get my mind of her and hurt myself in the end. I hope you're a much different person than me and can control ur feelings between a good friend and a special kinda friend. hehehe... Link to comment
psychobballgurl Posted August 30, 2003 Share Posted August 30, 2003 i know EXACTLY how you feel. i know you want advice, and I wish i had some so i could help myself too. It seems like an impossible situation, eh? you want to be with her, or in my case him, so bad, never wanna give up your feelings and will wait forever for them to "see the light", but at the same time you don't wanna put your friendship in jeopardy because of feelings that might not be mutual. *sigh* just doesn't make sense...i think about this so much, why wouldn't good friends want to go out, because, really, most people end up marrying their best friends! I'm a believer of "friendship is a great foundation for a relationship" and totally disagree with the 'golden rule' of friends not dating friends. why does it have to be so complicated!? well, i know this isn't really what you were looking for, but i just wanted to let ya know that you're not alone, and that if i ever find a solution to this, i'll b sure to let ya know! Link to comment
DoctorWu Posted August 30, 2003 Author Share Posted August 30, 2003 JustMe - Dude, It's taking all the strength I can muster to keep it together. As a matter of fact, I work with the girl and we hang out in the same social groups. Talk about composure! There are times I really wonder is my friendship with her worth the constant agonizing over the little things (phone calls, conversations, etc.) psychobballgurl - Sometimes just knowing that you're not going through something like this alone makes all the difference! All the friends that I've talk to about this usually will end the friendship if it doesn't progress any further (even the girl in question -- we've talked about it). I feel like I'm being asked to get over my feelings while having a constant reminder of what I'll be missing... DW Link to comment
lauralied Posted September 1, 2003 Share Posted September 1, 2003 doctorWu: I am in love with my best male friend, and the feelings from his side just aren't there (YET). As you can tell, I'm still holding out hope that he'll 'see the light,' like you are. I guess it depends on how long you've been friends and other factors, as to whether or not you can stay friends. Me, I have been able to continue our friendship simply because it brings me so much joy and laughter, and offers me something none of my other friendships do. I think that if you are truly good friends, you can remain friends. It will just take a big dose of humility on your part, swallowing your pride, and suppressing your feelings perhaps too. Try dating other girls. For me, finding someone else to channel those affectionate feelings for was an excellent way to salvage the friendship. And he's the one I always turn to for support when things don't work.... So try giving that one a go. . . Just be true to yourself. When a friendship brings more pain and suffering than laughter and happiness, that's when you've got to rethink where and if that relationship can fit into your life. Let me know what happens. I hope everything works out in your favor! Take care. Laura Link to comment
DoctorWu Posted September 2, 2003 Author Share Posted September 2, 2003 Lauralied - Thanks for your great words of encouragement! It looks like I'll actually be taking your advice but with a little maintenance on my part first. I'm beginning to realize that I need some time to submerge my feelings for my friend so I'll probably turn the volume down for a while until I have healed, then things will pick up normally from there. I hope things will work out with your best friend eventually. Stay strong, always meet new people and take care! -- DW Link to comment
lauralied Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 DoctorWu: Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad my experiences can help bring some clarity to you. Feel free to check out my recent posts and put in your two cents... I still need all the help I can find. all the best, Laura Link to comment
bexcelant Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 Giving up so fast? You need to take stock in what is going on. I don't know how you told her but if you are always there for her to walk all over..she'll never respect you. Did you tell her how you felt, did you tell her what you bring to the table? Did you kiss her on the cheek and then leave? Did you frame your conversation with what could have been but never was? Did you tell her that you'd like to take long walks, feel her kiss? Did you tell her you wondered what it would be like to be passionate? See a lot of things don't get done if you frame in in the wrong way. Check your approach and think about what you have done. Was it romantic? Did it make her think of you in a sexual way? Your friend is not gonna wanna be with you like marriage if she can't think of you as a sexual partner. You also can't always be there..sometimes its best to hit and run.. come back to it later. Link to comment
DoctorWu Posted September 3, 2003 Author Share Posted September 3, 2003 Bexcelant - Thanks for your imput! It's so funny how life works. I told a friend at work about this situation and she said the exact same thing. I framed the conversation in more of a "preemptive defeat" mode. I felt I already knew the answer which made it easier for her to stay put. Upon further review, I should have chosen another play. Sometimes life can be a great teacher. Link to comment
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