Did she cheat?

[ryan4414]

I hate to make accusations about other people, especially those I've been close to. However, the past few days I've been on this site talking to people, trying to get advice and what not and during that time I've been attempting to piece together what happened. When we broke up (about a week ago) she told me that it was because she didn't love me (however, two weeks before hand she was spouting "forever and ever" and clinging onto me tighter than ever) and that she needed space. I was okay with this, confused, but okay. We talked about it and nothing really came out. Two days after the break up, things started getting weird. This guy I knew she had met in a class during the semester started popping up on her myspace page. Not only that, but leaving cutesy comments everywhere. At first I figured it was just paranoia and I made a point to discuss it with her that night. We talked about it and she said they were just friends. Of course I believe her but that night just before I went to be I received a message from the guy telling me to "back off" and "giver her space." Seeing as how I've NEVER talked to this guy in my life I was a little pissed off. The rest of my argument is based off of (sadly enough) myspace activity. The day after we spoke about that, I had dropped from 3rd to 8th and magically the other guy appears just below me. Today, just as I was going to leave her a comment, I noticed I'm now tenth and the other guy is above me at 8. For all of this to happen within in a week, with pretty much no explanation has really got me thinking. I hate to consider the possibility but does this sound sketchy to anyone else?

[Ellie2006]

Hey there Ryan,

 

If you don't mind my asking: how will finding out the truth about

 

a) if your ex may (or may not) have cheated

 

and

 

that b) she may (or may not) be trying to make you jealous (??) right now by bringing up this other guy

 

help you get over this breakup?

 

IMHO, these are all moot points now that you're broken up; easier said than done, I know, but if answers to the questions above will not help you move on, how about letting them go?

 

Best wishes to you,

Ellie

 

ps. Have you considered going the NC route (i.e. no access to her myspace)?? Just my two cents worth.

[matius]

I would make sure to tell that guy to mind his damn business that's for sure, then cutoff all contact from the situation altogether. And I agree it sounds like she is trying to make you jealous.

[saint_saul]

Heya there. I'm a little confused -- are you two no longer officially together? If that's the case, I would start up NC immediately. It sounds like she's being insensitive with her actions (intentionally or not), which is something you definitely don't need to deal with. Ignore this guy, and stop visiting myspace -- seriously. Getting upset over whether you are "8" or "10" is pointless in the larger picture; you need to find someone who isn't going to mess with you like that.

[Hope75]

I'm thinking that perhaps you are spending too much time on her myspace account overanalyzing something that is already over.

 

She is out of your life, and it doesn't seem to be the best way to spend your time trying to figure out this guy and your place in rank and whether or not she cheated. It only keeps the pain that much fresher for you and prevents you from being able to move forward.

 

If I were you I would block her myspace account and let it go. It's done, it's over, time to move on.

[valenski]

I agree with Ellie ryan it doesnt matter now, just chalk it down as experience and move on.

[ryan4414]

Thanks for the responses. I thought about it earlier after I wrote this post and knew what I had to do. It sucks yes, but I do think it was jealousy, she's known for pulling that. Well, thanks for the advice.

[scsavino]

I'm thinking that perhaps you are spending too much time on her myspace account overanalyzing something that is already over.

 

She is out of your life, and it doesn't seem to be the best way to spend your time trying to figure out this guy and your place in rank and whether or not she cheated. It only keeps the pain that much fresher for you and prevents you from being able to move forward.

 

If I were you I would block her myspace account and let it go. It's done, it's over, time to move on.

 

I agree with Hope 100% on this one.

[Iceman26]

First of all I would have told that other guy to f off.

 

Second of all, when a girl says she loves you and 2 weeks later says she "needs space" 99.9999999% of the time means she is shacking up with someone else, doesn't have the guts to tell you to your face she met someone else and she isn't worth a second more of your time.

[spikespiegel]

ryan, I understand your want / need to know as well. I've been going through a breakup for the last month or so, and I know that at least if I found out something serious like my girl cheated on me, things would be much easier. I would then be able to write her off pretty easily, instead of dwelling on good memories and hoping things would work out...

[ryan4414]

Spike

 

That's my problem exactly. We had a lot of good times together and a lot of firsts together and to just throw that away, like nothing...I need a reason as to why. I think I'm obsessing at this point but when you love someone, you just cant help but keep trying.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there Ryan,

 

If I may ask: are you saying that IF she cheated:

 

a) you will get over her faster

b) you won't waste your time trying to get back together??

 

You probably have read through these forums enough to know that oftentimes when people discover that their ex cheated during or near the end of their relationship, knowing this raises more questions and this, in turn, hinders the healing process. Admittedly, you may react in a different manner but all I am trying to point out is that trying to get to the bottom of this "did she or didn't she" question may bring you more harm than good.

 

Ryan, I do understand it's hard to let go of someone who you love(d).

But as harsh as this may sound (and I am sorry for emphasizing this point the fact of the matter is you guys are no longer together and perhaps you may wish to consider letting this go for your emotional stability.

 

What do you think??

[matius]

Ryan...

 

I've been in that situation exactly. The only answer (IMHO), is that life gets messy. In your case, it may be that she is immature or unstable. Usually a few years & some reflection time sorts it out for you...

[ryan4414]

I know, I'm slowly coming to terms with it. It's finally taken its toll on me and there is nothing I can do. Thanks for the help.

[Ellie2006]

Ryan,

Hang in there!

And don't forget to take care of yourself ...

 

Sending best wishes your way,

Ellie