Need Suppor - Trying to overcome jealousy

[sabena]

Ok, quick run down here...I have been with my bf for 11 months, about 6 weeks ago we split up for 3 weeks because I become very insecure and jealous about him going away for weekends climbing with a female friend of ours. We get back and sort it all out, to him they were just friends but when he tells this other girl that we are back together she admits she has feelings for him. He tells her he is with me etc...and that he just wants to be friends. He knows he can't do the going away for weekends with her and I accept that she is still his friend.

 

Now, I have been very jealous in the past and I am trying to overcome this by using the self help book by Paul A Hauck, which is great. But, I am seeing my bf tonight and he wants to go with me to play tennis but with this girl and some others. Now, right now I think that I am still recovering from the break up, getting back and finding out that this girl has feelings for him and basically I don't think that I can face seeing her right now at this stage.

 

I have told my bf that I will call up to see him but that I will go out on my bike while he plays tennis (which isn't a fav sport of mine anyway). Now I know some of you will tell me to sit down and talk to him and I think if I read this I would to, but I am using a diversion therapy at the moment and don't want to go on about it, I just want some of you out there to tell me I am not stupid for feeling this way and that its ok for me to avoid!

 

I really want to stop being jealous and hate that I felt insecure when he mentioned this girl but I do.

[Gunther]

it is natural to be jelous of other women around you bf, but you must realize that he is loyal to you even if they have feelings for him, it doesnt mean that they will act on them or that your bf would respond if they did. If you are to suspicious you could go climbing w\ him but that might not be your thing seems to me he has been w\ you for a good long time, it is normal for most men to keep at least one or two female friends no matter if they are married divorced just friends bf\gf ect. It doesnt sound like you have much compatition to worry about. just my .02 =}

[DREAM]

Ok im most of your mails to me you have talked about trust,

 

It looks as tho your bf has told this other gal he is with you, so this other gal is stupid to think him and her can go any way. Its not wrong for you to feel this ways cos I would prob be the same, but what I would say is go tonight as normal and try to make it obvious that your with him but don't make it blatant at all. Hug him and kiss him around others. But make it as tho you really mean it.

 

The other gal needs to know to back off and she can see how happy your bf is then she will see there no chance.

 

So go for it..x

[Princess777]

Hi Sabena,

 

Have you thought about trying the old adage, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?" What I mean is, are you in a situation with this girl where you could possibly become friends? Before you freak and think, Oh my God I hate her, etc.... please think about it. The problem I see here is that she likes to do some of the same things that he does, and that's what is attracting him to her, not her as a person. I don't think he wants to 'be' with her - you said he is faithful to you, told her how it is, etc. He seems alright in that department. I know it's not easy to just start liking different activities, but maybe suggest a spontaneous adventure with your boyfriend to show him that you too are exciting and unpredictable so he will appreciate those qualities in you and he won't have time to think about doing things with her. Maybe if you try a different angle and be friendly to her, you won't feel the green-eyed monster so much. I've found that if you kill people with kindness they'll usually respect you a lot more than if you snarl at them...and plus she'll feel bad about coming onto him when you're not around if she knows how nice you are. You win both ways.... you never know, she might be a nice person but you will never know as long as you view her as the enemy. If she balks at your attempts to become friends, at least your b/f will see that you tried and he will respect you for it. It will only make her look bad if she doesn't respond favorably. Let me know how it works out....

Princess777

[Suavo]

If he finds that his friend is more able to fulfill his heart- you should be happy for him and move on since he's not the man you thought he was. If you do truly love the man, you'll be happy for him whether or not you're in the picture. That's how I deal with jealousy.

[sabena]

move on and let him go with her????? what sort of advice is that!!

 

you know I am so angry with that sort of advice which I would never give i think i'll find somewhere to vent.