The dumper is very curious as to what's going on in my life...

[spikespiegel]

My original story is titled "Completely Lost".

see here:

 

Probably not many people read it because it's super long lol.

 

So yesterday my ex (the dumper) and I met up to exchange Christmas cards for one another and a couple of small gifts we had purchased before. It went pretty well, and I had made up my mind before we met up that I was going to tell her we needed to go no contact for a while because the last couple weeks have been impossible for me (we've been in contact just about every day, keeps opening old wounds).

 

She agreed, we held each other and said goodbye, then both drove off.

 

About 5 minutes later she broke contact, saying she wished she hadn't seen me, that I had opened up a floodgate of emotions and that she was crying and was a mess. We ended up talking on the phone for about 15 minutes, and there was one more small thing I needed to get back from her. We arranged that we would text today, and maybe tonight I would drive by her house and she could leave it in her mailbox to pick up, which was fine with me.

 

So tonight I text her:

 

Me: Merry Christmas Sorry I won't be able to swing by tonight like we talked about, but maybe tomorrow. (I was getting ready to leave my aunt and uncle's house and didn't have time to stop by.)

 

Her: Merry Christmas. I didn't want you to come by tonight anyway because I'm busy. But why couldn't you anyway??

 

Me: Ok well that works out then. Talk to you tomorrow then?

 

Her: What are you doing?

 

Me: Busy let's talk about me coming by tomorrow. Hope your Christmas was nice. Have a good night."

 

Her: All you'll tell me is you're busy? Forget it, I'll talk to you sometime in the future. Goodbye

 

LOL

 

Why is she concerned? She split up with me about 3 weeks ago, and I don't think she was even committed to the relationship for a few weeks before that. She broke up with me because (in a nutshell) she felt that for the last 2.5 months, she was a nobody to me. I've pretty much begged her for 2 weeks and done the sweetest gestures to show that I care, and she says there's nothing I can do. But then she does this, and this isn't the first time. 2 days after she broke up with me, she texted me asking what I was doing at 2:30 AM!

[terk2021]

In a nutshell, curiosity. When I asked my ex to move out (after a big fight and it was not pleasant), we did not talk for a week. She got an apartment near and came over a few nights a week. When she asked for a "break" and NC, I gave it to her. A week went by, and I was not responding to her. That's when I started getting the texts on the weekends from 9pm until around 2am...

 

It's wondering if you are with someone else...

[spikespiegel]

If they're so sure about NOT wanting to be with you, why should they care??

[terk2021]

If they're so sure about NOT wanting to be with you, why should they care??

 

 

Great question! It's the curiosity that is beating them up. How is he doing? Has he met anyone? Does he miss me? Can I go out and test the waters and will he be there when I get back?

 

These are just a few of the things I have heard from friends and posts on these boards. Everything happens for a reason, and I think I have learned everything on how not to handle a breakup over the past 5 months...

 

I have broken just about every piece of advice on this board, from friends, and from family, and I am sitting in a bad spot. Well, maybe not so bad, because I have closure on a relationship, but I would be a hell of a lot stronger if I stuck with NC from the beginning and kept moving forward...

[terk2021]

I would not be having a bad Christmas If I had stuck with NC and really started to try and heal back in August...

[spikespiegel]

See, that all makes complete sense to me too.

 

But most of these questions are already answered for her, she KNOWS I'm missing her, and she told me that Christmas was going to be extremely difficult for her.

 

But I suspect that she has already been out "testing the waters" so to speak. That's why I don't understand. If she's having fun and is happy, then why does she care if I am too? Does she WANT me to be miserable?

 

Blah.

[cordelia]

I don't know how long you two were together, but it sounds like she doesn't want you to forget about her. Did you do anything really mean to hurt her when you two were together ?

Because she probably feels like the relationship is doomed for some reason, but that doesn't mean that the feelings just go away and you don't give a crap about the person anymore.

I broke up with an ex (a long time ago) because of how much he hurt me. But even though I knew the relationship was over, I still couldn't stop talking to him and I felt like I always needed to know what he was up to and who he was with. Its like this person was your best friend and your comfort zone. Its hard to just throw all that away.

[spikespiegel]

We were together for a year and 2 months, and were best friends during that time. I didn't do any one thing to really hurt her, but it was a lot of small things over an extended period of a couple of months that just made her feel worthless to me, in her words.

 

I understand about the comfort zone thing, because I feel the exact same way right now. For the last 2 weeks, the highlight of my day has been when I talk to her, but then I feel like absolute garbage afterwards, waiting for her to talk to me again. So she is MY comfort zone as well, but I've realized that this contact is just hurting me at this point. And why would she feel the need to know what I'm doing when I'm like 95% sure that she has already been seeing another guy? If she's moved on to that point, then * * *?

 

Frustrated.

[EddieRentz]

Spike - I am right there with you after about 7 years of a relationship.

 

I get asked about where I am moving, and for advice and about how I am... and our breakup was an absolute nightmare. I havent even told more than one or two friends about the details because it was sooooo bad and makes her look really horrible.

 

Interesting take Cordelia -- thanks for the input

[spikespiegel]

ARGH.

 

So after 3 days of no contact, during which I was actually feeling somewhat better, had an appetite, has energy, etc... I get woken up this morning by a text from my ex-girlfriend.

 

It was about the fact that I made a new Myspace profile (I hate that site with a passion, but it IS a good way to meet people I think, and catch up with old friends). She basically said she was surprised that I have a profile again after all the crap I've talked about it in the past, and how I was on for different reasons than she was (she made a new profile right after we broke up, allegedly to check out her friend's wedding pictures, but I know that's not true).

 

How the hell do I keep no contact if SHE keeps breaking it, even if we BOTH agreed it would be best? WHY does she care what I'm doing, this was HER decision!

 

I'm so frustrated...

[matius]

You don't have to respond, that's keeping NC.

[spikespiegel]

I don't plan on responding.

 

I just want to understand her motives. I realize it's most likely a comfort thing, but the weird thing is, I'm pretty sure she's been dating another guy for a couple of weeks already. So if that's the case, shouldn't this new guy (if in fact there is one) be her comfort blanket??

[EddieRentz]

About the comfort blanket... maybe, maybe not - she really wont know for a couple of months whether the guy is for really or whether "he is just not that into her"... The world is scary for the dumper too.

 

All we dumpees can do is move on.

 

I broke NC yesterday, sent a very long email to my ex telling her about the fact that I am moving on without hatred or bitterness, but that she is not to contact me unless her intentions are clear and lucid... I was really sad today, but I feel like such a weight has been lifted. No more stupid emails checking in on me!!!

 

NC really helps...