It bothers me to know he's doing good without me..

[Scorpio8647]

Boy I'm seriously trying to heal but it's so hard. I think I'm slowly sinking into a depression because I'm very miserable and alone right now. Today I went on my ex's myspace page and he has just updated it with new pictures and so much stuff.For the longest he's been trying to make as a big R&B singer or what not.Now he's recently got a record deal and he's working on an album.It seems like he's not even thinking about me and why should he?? I mean he's probably still mad at me and is not even thinking about me in the slightest. It bothers me that I was the cause of the break up and now I'm so alone .

 

I don't have alot of friends and my life is so ugh right now. Knowing the fact that it seems like he's moving on and I can't really makes me even more depressed. There are days which seem better than others but being trapped in the house on a Saturday really got to me. Really to the point where I got sick to my stomach and started crying.

 

He was my best friend and we clicked so well with one another and now I lost my lover and my best friend. There's no turning back and it's driving me mad.I'm trying to focus on me but it's hard. It really feels like there's nothing to fight for anymore. I'm just so unhappy right now. I've honestly never met anyone like him. Before I met him, I was depressed and once I found my ideal boyfriend I was happy until we broke up a month ago.

 

I'm so confused because I don't know what to do with myself. Everyone and everything is so boring without him. I think I'm more obsessed with my ex than in love. I drove him away by not trusting him and constantly spying on him, that in itself shows that I have serious issues. There's apart of me actually waiting for the day that he'll call back and say that he wants me back but I know that I am dreaming! There's no use calling him because he won't respond to my texts or my calls. I haven't called him in weeks nor do I plan on doing so.

 

So what is there to my life to be happy about?? I lost the only person that understood me and I have no idea what exactly is it that I want out of life, which frightens me alot! I'm so hurt and confused right now, to the point where I'm having butterflies in my stomach....

[mr_neverlearn]

ahhh bless u... Well im feeling the exact same way so u r not alone on this one!! i to have some really hard days..in fact today is one of them, but let me tell u, i also sing and have an agent and there are certain songs i sing that remind me of ex, ex, ex's so i am defo sure he still thinks of u.

 

maybe we tho should be doing as are dumpers are and staying busy and having fun???

 

But yes i know...

 

its so so damn hard..

 

try a little smile and take each day as it comes x

[matius]

I drove him away by not trusting him and constantly spying on him, that in itself shows that I have serious issues.

 

Is it possible that you were doing these things for a reason? I was over protective & suspicious of my first girlfriend many years ago, probably too much. But looking back on it, there was very good reason for it.

 

Try to let it go, be happy for him & hope that he fulfills his dreams. Otherwise, the resentment & bitterness you hold will destroy you. Just because your relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean that you don't care for him & want him to do well.

 

You have to make your life happen for you, not him...that's not his responsibility. And you'll see that it will with time & effort.

 

Life is rough, all we can do is try to smooth it out.

[CareBear53187]

I know exactly how you feel. Its like this hopeless, empty feeling. Sometimes i wish that i could just hug myself because i'm hurting so badly. I don't really have any advice, my wounds are only 4 days old and very fresh. i know what everyone else says though, time heals all wounds. keep pushing forward, one day at a time.

 

don't blame it all on yourself either or you will drive yourself mad. living in a world of "if onlys" will LITERALLY get you nowhere. make a list of the REASONS that you didnt trust him--because i'm SURE that there are reasons.

 

im at a loss for as to how a person can move on so quickly while we are left here in the dust, after giving them our entire hearts. it truly is a mystery to me. i also have the same problem as u do with myspace, but with facebook, which can be worse because people can put pictures up of him even if he didnt put them up. its horrible. its awful. just thought id let u know theres someone else out there that feels the same way.

 

merry christmas..

[Juliana]

Your life has to be about you, and not him. No matter how good someone may look from the outside, their happiness or the lack of happiness in their lives doesn't change your life at all. You are focusing so much on other people, on finding someone to make your life complete, and while it's great that you have that capacity to commit and to give, you need to balance it out by focusing on who you are when you're just by yourself. You are not an emptiness waiting to be filled; you are a beautiful woman who is a mystery waiting to be discovered.

[confusedangel]

i know how u feel. i know i can live without him but i want him in my life. it does suck to see that theyre doing fine without u, its like after all the history, how can they act like they dont even know u?

[confusedangel]

it sucked how the table turned because i wasn't dependent in the beginning. he was so clingy-wanted to see me everyday and stuff- and i felt crowded but i didn't tell him so i just got used to it and then i became clingy. i hate it when that happens because he doesn't remember how clingy he was!

[Scorpio8647]

You guys are right! It should be about me now than him. Somedays are better than others and these are one of those good days. I'm around a whole bunch of family for the holidays and it's definitely taking my mind off of him. Just to be around people who love me really makes me feel not so alone.I'm planning on doing many things for the new year! I'm going to start excercising more and just focus on my future which I've should have been doing in the first place.

 

If my ex do become famous, because he's actually working on an album and he's met alot of famous singers and he works in the music industry as a vocal arranger here in Atlanta Georgia. But currently he wants to branch out and focus on his singing career. As I was saying, it's going to be hard seeing him if he makes it big. I mean he'll be everywhere, on television and on the radio. It's going to drive me crazy because of what I could of had, but then again he would have been touring alot and all of the fans. There would have been alot of temptation and we probably would have broken up anyway.

 

Now I have to find a way to get him out of my head because it's hard not thinking about him or lurking around his myspace page seeing what all he's doing. It 's not good for me to dwell on him. I know there's plenty of other fish in the sea but no one, I mean no one made me feel the way he made me feel. He filled an empty void in my life and now the void is empty yet again. I'm trying to move on but it's not easy when your life looks like crap compared to his...

[matius]

As I was saying, it's going to be hard seeing him if he makes it big. I mean he'll be everywhere, on television and on the radio. It's going to drive me crazy because of what I could of had, but then again he would have been touring alot and all of the fans. There would have been alot of temptation and we probably would have broken up anyway.

 

Right, but that's part of what everyone is trying to say. Nothing he does should make your life less. Wish him the best, and with any luck he will make it. Then you find what makes YOU happy & you too can be a success.

 

BTW, there are a lot of circles that think fame is overrated.