Did something I would not have done otherwise

[cpc28655]

Before I tell my story, a little about myself. I am recently divorced after 5 years of marriage. Before that I was a little bit shy, but nothing too extreme, at least nothing that would stop me from being social. But the divorced seems to have changed me. I've went from a slightly shy man, to a "boy" that is completely petrified in the "world of estogen".

 

Ok, now to my story. I have said before that I don't do workplace romances. Nothing really wrong with it, I just don't want to do it. I have been with this company since I was 15, and they paid for my college, so I have too much invested with them to risk anything like that. Having said that, I'm not a jerk about it, I usually just explain my feelings in a nice way. (not going to judge anyone else by my standards)

 

This time was different. There is this lady that works in a different department that apparently had taken an intrest in me. She sent me a very touching note through the hospital's tube system (similar to the one's you see in a bank's drive-thru) explaining to me how sorry she was about my divorce but I was better off without her. I won't go into details, but she did offer to comfort me, lmao. I went upstairs and explained to her my feelings, ect. She understood and I thought that was it. Well, I got 4 more notes over the next 2 weeks. Normally I would not consider this a big deal, a little harmless flirtation never hurt anybody. But for some reason, it struck a nerve. I did something I should be ashamed of. I filed a sexual harrasment complaint against her. Of course they suspended her pending investigation. More than likely she will be send to counseling and receive a reprimand, but certinally not lose her job. I still can't believe that I did it.

 

What in the world was I thinking????

[avman]

Well if you feel you were not in fact harassed then you should probably go to human resources and explain the entire situation. You owe it to this person to come clean and admit you made a mistake.

[Clementine orange]

Yeah, you'd better straighten this whole thing out with Personnelle. This poor woman!!!! Perhaps an apology to her would be a good thing too - if she is still talking to you.

If you can come up with a logical explanation (or like quasi-logical) then that would be a good idea. Just say that you are still messed up over the divorce, you are under tons of pressure and you had a momentary lapse of reason.

This is not fair to people who actually _were_ sexually harassed.

 

You should do this sooner rather than later. Things could get ugly. Why aren't they asking for more evidence? Can you really get someone suspended for harassment right out of the blue like that? I would have thought "they" would require more evidence etc.

How risque were these notes? I assume you had to show someone these notes.

[cpc28655]

well, the notes and the witnesses are enough evidence. Suspension WITH pay is standard procedure in these types of cases. I am torn over this issue. On one hand, I know there was no harmful intent. On the other hand, I did ask her to stop, and she ignored that request (textbook sexual harassment). Trust me, she knows my situation in detail. The letters were by no means offensive to me (although I could not post them here, lol.). Perhaps I got offended by her ignoring my requests to stop. There is no doubt whatsoever that what she did IS sexual harassment, the question is should I have done more before taking it to human resources. Well, it will be moot, because she returns to duty tomorrow. They just gave her a stern warning. No reprimand and nothing in her file. In effect, she got a free vacation over the deal. Hopefully, she learned the same lesson that all of us men have to learn, "NO MEANS NO".

[cpc28655]

The suspension is standard while the investigate, to prevent and complications or retaliation during such investigation. Different companies handle it different ways. This is how this company does things. But, it is WITH pay.

[avman]

Ok well now that you've explained the situation - I think you did the right thing.

 

You told her to stop. She didn't stop. Thus it is harassment. I think you did the right thing. You don't owe anything more to somebody once you've asked them to stop and they refuse.

[cpc28655]

I know, but I've never really been a fighter. It is an absolute last resort for me. I am glad that everything is going to be ok for her.

[Clementine orange]

Ok well now that you've explained the situation - I think you did the right thing.

 

You told her to stop. She didn't stop. Thus it is harassment. I think you did the right thing. You don't owe anything more to somebody once you've asked them to stop and they refuse.

 

I agree with avman here - you told her to stop and she did not. We (I) didn't have that information when I/we posted before. So... now I'm saying you shouldn't feel guilty - you asked her to stop and she did not - she had fair warning. Yes, sexual harassment and yes, you did the right thing.

Interesting that it goes both ways (female to male) I've never seen that before

[cpc28655]

Trust me, it is more common that you would think. It is just not taken as seriously, but it is also known as reverse discrimination, or reverse sexual harassment.

[prtygrl1973]

HOW DOES SHE KNOW YOUR SITUATION "IN DETAIL" ---- WERE YOU GUYS CLOSER THAN YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT?

 

PS.... LOVE YOUR SIGNATURE AND SORRY FOR THE CAPS! LOL

[cpc28655]

Well, there are 2 reason she would know in detail.

 

1. My mother works on the same unit as she does. And as much as I love my mother, she is a walking news station, lol.

 

2. My divorce was a little on the messy side, so most of the hospital knows about it, including her. This is actually a person that I would have VERY little contact with during the course of a typical day.

 

And I'm not picky about caps or things like that. If you want to type in all caps, then by all means............ If you're happy, then I'm happy.

 

And my signature is a quote from comedian Lewis Black, one of my favorites. I'm going to see him in Greenville, SC next month.

[Northalius]

Good job.

 

Personally, I don't care if it's a woman, if they don't have respect for me, then that's their loss - I'd report her also.

 

In the case of a man sexually harassing a woman: obviously it is somewhat different, since the man is physically stronger than the woman, and can, if it gets out of control, force himself on her much easier than a woman onto a man.

 

So I understand the whole thing about them treating it a bit differently.

 

Still, it's the whole personal respect thing, and that'd tick me off that she didn't listen the first time I said "no" or "stop".

 

What I'm guessing: She has done this to other guys before, and got away with it until she finally got her way. It's just this time she ran into the wrong guy. Heh heh. Good thing she learned her lesson (hopfully) before something really bad happened.

[prtygrl1973]

Well, there are 2 reason she would know in detail.

 

1. My mother works on the same unit as she does. And as much as I love my mother, she is a walking news station, lol.

 

2. My divorce was a little on the messy side, so most of the hospital knows about it, including her. This is actually a person that I would have VERY little contact with during the course of a typical day.

 

And I'm not picky about caps or things like that. If you want to type in all caps, then by all means............ If you're happy, then I'm happy.

 

And my signature is a quote from comedian Lewis Black, one of my favorites. I'm going to see him in Greenville, SC next month.

 

OK - that makes sense. I just was thinking maybe she was someone you confided in and then maybe she wanted more and then you didn't. Hope you had a great holiday!!

On another note.....my mom and all her sisters are the same way!! Coffee and Gossip!! lol

[cpc28655]

Not according to her coworkers. She has no record of this type of behavior before. But of course, they don't know everything, so it is possible. However, it is not likely.