Im so lost

[Kate07]

I was doing really well, that was until my ex msg me, Eventually he called me and long story short, said he still loves me, Well we decided we would let it rest for a couple of days and see how we felt then, That couple of days ended yesterday and while we arent in limbo any more, we are not getting back together again.

 

Apart of me doesnt care but a part of me does as well, i knew this was where i would end up, i know it is for the best because basically we would be here again soon enough anyway. It was just weird last night, like when i first got to his place i was like im so glad i dont have to hear these stories anymore and then we talked and i said if we got back together then it would be on 4 conditions, he said yep to all and then sat there adn thought about it and i left becasue i am sick of waiting for him to think, when i drove home i felt really relieved and glad we werent together,

 

then he called and we talked for an hour and a half and his phone kept cutting out so i said do you just want to meet me at maccas and he was like i have been drinking but did anyway, we went to maccas and talked for ages and while i was there i was like no i still dont wnat it, it wont work and it didnt hurt to just be friends, that was until he told me he and christine (the girl he slept with while we were together) had hooked up again since we had broken up, they didnt sleep together but they didnt stop at kissing either, then we went out to his car and talked and in the end he kissed me, and i didnt feel it, and was like wow, i dont care if we have this or not, we kept talking about what was going to happen and i kissed him again to see if i really didnt feel it or what, well we ended up making out and i felt it and so did he and he knows it, (because you cant kiss someone like that and not feel it)

 

In the end i left and got home and sent him a msg asking him to be honest and say if he actually wanted it or if he jsut didnt want to hurt my feelings again and he called me back nad said that he wanted it so much but that there was somehting in the back of his head that said it wouldnt work and i know becasue that is how i feel but i still want it so much and i dont really know if i want him or if i jsut dont want anyone else to have him, and the problem is i knew that i would end up here still hurting. He said that he can see himself regretting this decision so much but yea. And so im not in limbo but i now have to say goodbye all over again, while im glad that this has happened i wish that he had never msg me on sunday night

Now im just sad!!

[doyathink]

He cheated on you...thats a tough pill to swallow.

 

It's not possible to just turn off being in love with someone, even tho they hurt us. If I were you ....with your uncertainty...I would give it some time. No need to flat out erase him out of your life if that is something your not sure you want to do. Let time be your friend right now, There no need to rush to any decision...is there?

 

My heart goes out to you....love can sometimes leave us so lost and broken.