I'm just not happy - am I too needy?

[Scout]

Thanks for the nice words about my advice, herewego! Glad my input is helpful for you.

 

As a completely separate issue from your overall bond with this woman, I do think you might be a bit hung up on her "toys" because you think that means you're not meeting her needs there. Let's consider a couple of things. First, many studies show that three out of four women can not have an orgasm through intercourse. That is probably why they have invented "toys" in fact! And once you get used to them, it's harder to have an orgasm any other way.

 

Second, I'm sure you are quite an adept sexual partner, but if this relationship is truly lacking in passion as you describe, I suspect she's not exactly providing mind-blowing sex to you, either.

 

Third, I do not like that she makes regular references to you about her toys. In general, this woman does not seem to take your feelings into consideration that much. And she sounds a bit self-absorbed. I could be wrong, though. But if I'm not, let's say you two stayed together. You would probably always feel a sense of disconnectedness and loneliness even if you're with her. Life's too short for that, friend. We get one shot at this. Why tie ourselves down to less than fulfilling relationships, indeed, a less meaningful life? I guess I just suspect you could do a lot better for yourself. You just need to believe in yourself a little more.

[cordelia]

That part sounds strange to me..about the toys I mean. Most women (or at least me and my friends anyways) would agree that we use them most often when there is no man in the picture i.e. dryspell or if you are dating someone then you would invite them to join in the fun! Me personally, I prefer the real deal. That was actually one reason why I stayed with my ex...the sex was great and there was a lot of it! lol

 

So it sounds like she is also shy or scared when it comes to real intimacy as well. Sounds like a VERY independent woman you got there...in relationhips and the bedroom as well!

 

Don't stay with her just cause your afraid of getting older..stay with her only if you feel that the two of you can work things out.

[herewegoagain]

Scout - well I'm not hung up on her toys, but it would be nice for at least once in a while on a weeknight to "do it".

 

And no, she does not give me any mind blowing action yet.

 

Also, whenever we do get intimate, I always make sure she "finishes" by other means than actual; intercourse.

 

And no, she doesn't always mention how she uses her toy. this is just from one time when she said how much she uses it - very regularly. And that's what I'm worried about - she is so used to using the toy. I just know she does it almost everynight. I just know. In fact I know she was doing it last night, because she said she was in the bath for about 40 minutes, and I know that is where she does it. I think she is almost addicted to the darn thing, and that is why her older toy is worn out.

 

that is fine if you are single, but when you are in a realationship, I think what she is doing is ridiculous. It seem to be all about her needs, not mine. AND IM SURE A LOT OF YOU LADIES WILL DISAGREE WITH THIS. i DON'T THINK IT IS RIGHT BECAUSE IT CAUSES OUR SEX LIFE TO SUFFER. THATS WHEN IT IS A PROBLEM!!!

 

And you are right, if I was with her everyday (married) I will still probably feel distant from her.

 

I'm really seeing what a selfish person she is. This is miserable and I can't stand it much longer. I'm so sick of acting like thihgs are OK with us, when deep down i think it sucks. I'm tired of forcing muself to put on my happy face.

[herewegoagain]

Just to be clear to all - I think it is perfectly fine for woman to use "toys", especuially when not in a relationship, or in a dry spell, as Cordelia stated.

 

But when in a realtionship, it is selfish and ridiculous to use a toy ALOT MORE than your significant other.

 

And that is why I have a problem with it - How would she like it if I had a toy and used it WAY MORE than being with her.

 

Selfish and Ridiculous

 

Cordelia - -I did mention to her that I wanted to join in on the fun with her toy, but she just laughed and shrugged it off. that figures.

[Momene]

If you live near enough to service her needs and she chooses her toy and excludes you, you have your answer.

[Miss Noelle]

Hi,

 

I have to agree with Momene and Guest12345678. She is just probably used to being single. Allot of times people try not to get too close because they are affraid of being disappointed or hurt. You defininately neet to tell her how you feel and if things don't get better then you know what to do. There are plenty of nice women out there that are looking for a guy to be attentive and go shopping with them (smile)

 

Hang in there things, will get better just talk to her.

[herewegoagain]

Momene - I only live a half hour from her. But even when I do see her on a weeknight, we barely kiss. And when I go home, she uses her toy. I just know she does that.

 

That's what is messed up - she waits til I leave then does it to herself.

 

Also, sometimes when I am with her, i feel like she just wants me to leave so she can get on with her business.

 

Well, the more you all respond and the more I post, the more I think I should walk away.

[Momene]

Only you can make the decision whether to split or not. I don't see any future in this relationship and the present isn't that great either.