How do you tell when a shy guy likes you?

[Solo Pilot]

Phoenix,

 

I hope you've had better luck with your shy admirer. To be quite blunt, if he is indeed shy, your model like looks are going to really make him feel even more shy. I don't mean that as an insult. I just believe that with someone who looks like mrs. Jolie, you will probably intimidate a lot of guys. I know I would be if I were him.

[shygal2008]

FrogIsFree...

 

Phoenixp'84 - my experience of a shy guy liking you is he will be very talkative around everybody else but you, he will stare and then look away when you look at him - 9 times out of 10 and often appear aloof & send out confusing signals that appear to be saying he doesn't like you, because he is in serious denial about his feelings!

 

 

I so agree with this!!!!!!!! Its exactly what they do

[FrogIsFree]

Hi Shygal2008,

 

I was really in agreement with everything you wrote in a post on the list of signs a shy guy likes you & OMG! - the ignoring thing! Yikes.. first couple of times he did this, I was gutted.. and I was ready to walk away because I thought: that's a sure sign I've misread the signs and this guy doesn't like me.

But then the next day he would do something really lovely and unexpected to let me know he is crazy about me but can't get the words out..!

He now stares, then looks away slowly like he is testing his confidence with keeping eye contact. I think each day he grows in confidence and I think in essence, he seems to be genuinely feel terrified he will get hurt, let down and humiliated - I think he knows in theory I would never lead him on & /or hurt him in any way like that whatsoever, but I can see that he thinks that I am out of his league..!?? (I don't think like that) but I appreciate where he is coming from in terms of he thinks he might be being unrealistic and deluded and be afraid he will get it so wrong he will end up embarassing himself and perhaps me by showing me his real feelings.

I think is lovely to see him grow in confidence, I've just got to stop being overly-concerned about any confusing signs he gives out because as soon as I think: oh yeah, he's even more shy than me, then I immediately understand his behaviour (after a long frown & a sigh)..

 

Bottom line is: he knows me & knows I would never lead him on and then drop him and I try to keep my attentions to him limited to only him seeing, so nobody else is getting involved who could tease him and knock his confidence (the men he works with aren't very nice + one of them is jealous that there is something going on between us, after I showed no interest in this other jealous guy) but, perhaps like me, he has had some crumby experiences at the hands of unkind past partners or ppl who have been potentially interested in him then just embarassed him 4 the hell of it, because like me also he is sensitive!

[TheShyAdvice]

There has always been questions about this certain subject and they are usually hard to answer. Well, The Shy Advice team is here to the rescue of those who are having problems in this area or any relationship problems for that matter. So please email email removed and we will answer your questions the best we can.

 

Thank you,

 

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[userfriendly]

im really shy and ill be honest here getting with girls is hard for me. but when i like a girl i generally text them if i can even manage to get their numbers ill also do the staring thing and if were hanging out in public ill normally stick pretty close to them

[FrogIsFree]

im really shy and ill be honest here getting with girls is hard for me. but when i like a girl i generally text them if i can even manage to get their numbers ill also do the staring thing and if were hanging out in public ill normally stick pretty close to them

 

I'm wondering - Phoenix passion84 if this thread is still relevant to you, as you posted it over four years ago!

 

To follow on from what userfriendly said.. I know how tough it is for a guy.. I am very shy myself, but for guys wanting to make the first move, if a shy guy struggles to approach you.. they will stare.. a lot!

 

As long as they keep staring and hiding, or staring and looking away the second you look back at them, similar to how you've described, then it indicates he is interested in you.. guys can get very intimidated, that is my experience any way, so this lack of confidence means they wrestle with themselves which equates to hesitancy.. as a result, they can come accross unintentionally as disinterested!

 

They will often fluctuate between plucking up the courage, then backing off just as they think they can come over and talk to you, and then stare again.. they will also seem restless, even sometimes very animated with excitement like they have got ants in their pants! + they may hesitate before speaking, as well as lowering their voice to an almost inaudible level, if you ask them something or overhear them talking while they are working.. when they are with people they feel safe around, they might talk unusually loudly! LOL.. to draw attention to themselves and will walk past you very close, but in a massive hurry.. and as they get more courageous in incremental little stages of progress, they will eventually slow down but, may spend weeks even months being too afraid to say anything to you and totally avoiding eye contact and will gradually lift their eye gaze to look at you each time they see you..

If you look at them in a definite, intense, lingering way.. they eventually get the message that you are interested in them.

I say `they'.. I am not actually generalising, just talking about my experiences..

I hope this helps!

[shygal2008]

Incredible insight! Its amazing how well you get Love-Shyness

 

Anyone who is struggling with this (or a love-shy guy) needs to read your post FrogIsFree!

[spinster2]

I'm a shy girl and I liked a shy guy at my university...he was the kind of guy that didn't really talk to people, avoided the lecturer's gaze, etc.....he used to try to leave class at the same time as me sometimes so he could talk to me on the way out, he would try to stand next to me so he could talk to me during the breaks, he even sat in the exact seat i was sitting in so i had to sit beside him...once when I was talking to a really good-looking, confident guy who had just given a presentation in our class, and the shy guy waited around and didn't want to leave until i had finished talking to the guy and could walk back with the shy guy, even though it meant that the shy guy would miss his free dinner......also when i talked about some of my friends back home e.g. one friend who had a pilot's licence, he made a very strong point to say that he also had one...it was comical even ...so anyway, i thought he was interested but shy...of course i was really shy too so i didn't do much except for try to become better friends with him and asked him if he wanted to study together, or hang out with some friends, etc....but he would always say no, mostly because he said he had to study by himself....that's fine, i thought he was just stressed out & he doesn't like working together, some people are like that...but obviously it hurt my feelings because usually i didn't really approach guys....i always waited for them to approach me! (and even when they did, i was super shy!)...anyway, eventually (a few days ago) i read some information online in various forums about shy guys and the signs if they like you.....so i texted him and told him that i would be in class working on a paper, and if he felt like coming to distract me, he would be more than welcome....he came, and we were talking about class etc, and then he mentioned that he was not going out to an event because one guy was going there that he didn't like...i thought that was weird...who cares if you don't like the guy, just go....so i made a joke to him saying "you're not gay are you?" DA DUM....he went a bit red and said no...so later when he was leaving i asked him if he wanted to join a friend and me for dinner as we were just going to get a quick bite before finishing the paper...he said no, and i asked him why not, and he made some excuses about studying at home....anyway, i kind of got sick of all this rejection so i sent him a message a few minutes later saying "i think it's better that we don't speak until i hand up this paper, as i am a very shy person, so if i ask you to hang out and you say no, i think it's rude and it really hurts my feelings" to which he replied that he is gay & he has a boyfriend and he only likes me as a friend!!! so for those of you in the forum who think you have a shy guy that is interested....think again and i really hope the same thing doesn't happen to you as it did to me!!!!!

[dedaffodil11]

I am relatively shy in general, and i have the unmistakeably common ability to make situations pretty awkward pretty quickly, especially when i find myself attracted to someone, I am a Sagittarius female, and i have a pretty consistent wondering eye, not in a bad way. i can start a conversation with almost anyone but once the conversation become a little more intimate i tend to get very shy. but enough about me, i go to university for fine arts, i am a painter, there is a guy in my class whom i have know for a couple of years now, he is painter also. i always found him attractive and interesting, but he is very quiet which never really made me not talk to him, but it was a little off putting. i sense he was pretty shy in the beginning, but i have been in on and off again relationships for the duration of the time i have known him and i wouldn't say that we have ever been close, just common school friends. etc. and also he was in a very long term committed relationship that i believe ended not too long ago maybe within the last year. i guess they had been dating since high school. which always kind of thought of him as off the table even once i heard he was single just based on the fact that being in that long of a committed relationship is something that is relatively foreign to me, not sure where he stood. but anyway i have him in one of my painting classes and him being the one person i knew best in class i just naturally started painting next him and engaging him in some conversation. we seem to hit it off and have interesting thing to talk about, one time in class he told me i was very intelligent, like nothing he had known before. it was if i wowed him with random knowledge, which is always nice. i also found him watching me paint a lot, like standing behind me, he also told me one time he wanted to steal on of my paintings he liked it so much. those kind of things happened all semester and i guess i was pretty oblivious to it. i suppose that means he was taking interest in my work and ideas, which at the time i thought was him just complimenting me. but one time in class we accidentally spent the last hour of class just talking about our lives and we lost track of time, where everyone had left and we were just sitting there all alone, which was nice but then turned awkward when we both realized, or at least i did. we were cleaning our brushes and i had a cold, i was washing my hand and my nose was running like crazy, so i asked him in a joking manner to wipe my nose for me and he was a little shocked and then did it anyway, which i thought was very cute of him. he also has a kind of off the grid kid of job that entails deliveries to houses, which i am fine with. one time i had him come over to deliver and my roommate wasn't home so he stayed for like an hour, but then he got call and had to make another delivery and politely excused himself and apologized for leaving. we had a great conversation that night, it wasn't stressed or forced, it was natural and not uncomfortable. he complimented me and i him and we talked about future art projects and about art. after that night which i felt was a success, my roommate had me have him deliver again and when he came over this that time, he was much more quiet and couldn't stay at all. i personally thought that it had something to do with my roommate being home or maybe he just had other deliveries, i didn't get upset because i felt like it wasn't personal or at least i hoped it wasn't. he also got into a class that i am taking next semester after it told him i was taking it and that it was probably going to be cool. i mean i feel like there is something developing from our interactions, do i seem to be pulling this out of no where or is there relevance to this? should i pursue him? or maybe it would just work best as a friendship? he seems shy and quiet, but he talks to me, and there is a certain nervousness that i feel from him sometimes. it might be my intuition going over board though.