The shy guy....really exists?

[BrokenHeart82]

OK, Ive been seeing a guy now for over a month....

 

Things feel good, moving at a good pace, etc. He's very sweet to me, opening doors, etc and he makes sure, even when he was sick, that we get together every week.

 

He's a little bit shy, said in the beginning that he wouldnt call someone (male or female) normally unless it was cleared beforehand that he was going to call because he didnt want to feel like he's interrupting. Same with inititating plans...he will ask a week in advance, no assumption about us getting together.

 

This is different for me as im used to turbulent relationships where it goes at warp speed only to crash into a wall.

 

My problem here is how do I know if a shy guy is into me and just being shy or if he isnt into me that much? How do I get him to warm up a little? And finally...how do I see him more??

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey BrokenHeart82 - he WILL warm up to you, sounds like it'll just take more time than usual.

 

As for how you'll know how he feels about you, you may not. Maybe you could ask him. But if he's really shy, you may want to suggest - if it's easier for him - that he write to you somehow. Maybe it'd be easier for him to send something like that to you in an e-mail.

 

Tell him you are really interested in seeing him more. Tell him that you are wondering how he feels and realising he's a bit shy, you don't know how or if he'll tell you.

 

If YOU are comfortable (not shy) about doing the talking..... you may just have to.

[BrokenHeart82]

Im not a shy person by any means...but I find that I am shy in addressing this. He does sweet little things like holding my hand when were driving, kissing me on the forehead, and we have been intimate (but thats moving slower then normal...but i kind of like it because I feel like hes interested in getting to know ME and not just to see how far he can get with me)

 

I have enjoyed the slower pace...but feel like after a month that it might not be so bad to see him twice a week.

 

We hung out with another couple not too long ago and they were allover eachother, while he and I joked and laughed and had a good time. I thought this other couple had been together awhile but found out they only got together a week before we did. It was weird to realize how different it was and it made me start thinking maybe he isnt into me.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I don't think you should make the mistake of thinking he's not into you - at all.

 

But, as I said, if you're not shy, I think you should go for it. I tihnk you're shy to broach it with him because you know he's shy and asking him may make him uncomfortable.

 

Maybe you could write to him first - send him an e-mail asking him. I have a feeling he'd be much more likely to respond to you that way and won't feel nearly as put on the spot or uncomfortable.

 

Would that work?

[BrokenHeart82]

He said once after about two weeks that he had to be careful because he has such a good time just hanging out and talking, that he needs to also make sure to let me know he likes me as more then that.

Once it came up and I was like "awww, do you like me?" and he said "Hell, yes!"

 

When i met his friends at the party they were commenting on how great it was to meet me because i was making him so happy.

 

I think im just not used to the normal" flow of the relationship..but still I think i will take the advice and try to suggest getting together more often.

[NeverMore]

I am with a shy person also. The circumstances in the beginning of my realtionship were a little different then yours (long story)... But I can somewhat realte to how you feel. Now we live together and he is not as shy around me as around other people.

 

It sounds like you have nothing to worry about. He sounds like a very nice guy too.

[sydneybean84]

Ok so not to be an or anything, but are the words "shy" and the phrase "low self esteem" being used interchangeably? I mean, "he does't want to interrupt?" Whatever, you know him and I don't, but it seems the best way to get a shy guy out of his shell is to express you interest. Sometimes you have to show that shy guy that his affections are not one sided...He sounds adorable, sacrificing life and limb to see you, How sweet! Regardless, I think the thing what most shy people fear is rejection or awkwardness...So to avoid both, be upfront and tell him how you feel. He sounds super into you! Good Luck! Oh and if you want to see him more often just say so, he sounds open!

[paulm]

I'd have to agree with sydneybean84 - but the guy sounds like he likes you and just doesn't want to mess things up.

 

The asking for permission stuff and "shyness" will get old fast. I'd give it some time first, but do you really want a guy around who's constantly seeking your approval?

[Kevin T]

He probably DOES like you, but if he's really love-shy, it may take him a very long time to warm up to you.

 

If you really like him, just be patient and wait it out. If not, then move on.

[Boughs]

See I couldn't date a shy girl. They don't interest me. Make sure you are REALLY interested in this guy, because shy guys are hard to break... and to be honest, if this is his first relationship, you might see him change halfway through into a completely different person... better or worse, thats for you to find out.

[Boughs]

Regardless, I think the thing what most shy people fear is rejection or awkwardness...So to avoid both, be upfront and tell him how you feel.

 

Bingo. He is probably afraid of that, you have to show him that awkward situations are FUN... and they let you recall old memories of when you felt stupid. They are fun stories to tell, so getting into awkward weird situations are tough at first, but in the end great to fall back on for personal advice.