Can I save it? How?

[katcoloradolost]

First post here, not sure where to go anyone for advices. I am sick of crying.

 

2 years ago, I met this guy.. He liked me right away.. and always did for these 2 yrs.. I always liked how he talked and how we were able to talk with each other.

We would talk a lot for months, then not talk for a while.. and then talk again..

Until about.. 5 months ago..

We talked more and he told me "I always liked you, I was with different girls but its you I wanted to be with" We decided to date.. We went out a couple times and one night he said, "you are my girlfriend" and i said "i have no problem with that" We would say I love you all the time to each other..

 

Things were perfect for a while..

Then, one night we went in this club together and he had his LP (music) rare ones..

And I was in charge of em but someone dragged me outside for about 10 mins.

And when I came back, his LP were gone.

I tried to search em but they got stolen.

He accused me and said it was my fault he lost his LP..

Since then, I work my ... off to find these LP again for him 1 by 1... even if I have to pay 1000$ for one. I will get em back.

I know i didnt do anything so it's not my fault but, i still feel bad and I love him.

 

But since then, things arent as nice as they were. He will be more independent. We still spend a lot of time together but, some night he wont call.

Wont reply my text.

I always know where he is but things are different..

 

I told him, I miss the time where we would say i love you all the time, (told him on MSN) and he never replied.

 

Last week I told him,

I love you.. he said "luv you 2"

 

I asked him about 5 times lately, do you think we could talk? We have things to discuss. And he is always "yeah sure" but then, he dont call. Or don't log on msn to talk to me.

Again tonight, I told him. Wanna come on msn so we can talk? He said "sure" and I waited.. for nothing..

 

Last night a friend of mine saw him downtown and asked him "Are you and Kat dating" he said "No"

My friend called me and he said "I tought you and Eric were dating" and I said hm yea why.. he said, I asked him and he said you werent together.

 

Another of his good friend said "he doesnt show emotions yet he care a lot for you"

 

I don't know what to do.

I am the sweetest girl on earth with him. Always here for him always doing what he ask me to.

Never mean. Always listening to him when he needs me. Always giving him the space he need.

The other day something happened with his friends, he called me and was pissed. I calmed him down.

 

How do I save things, how do I revive the thing we have?

How do I make him talk to me. I can't chain him at a chair and make him talk. It's mean and I want him to make his own choices.

 

I love him, I care for him.

I know he do to.

But things change and I don't know what to do.

 

Please help me.

Help me understand what I dont.

 

Kat

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Kat,

 

I'm sorry to have to say this but, it's clear that in this guy Eric's mind, it's already over between you two. There's nothing to save because he's already declared his broke-up status, not only by the way he's been treating you (ignoring you, breaking promises to call or visit) but very blatantly by what he told your mutual friend.

 

Like you said you can't chain him to a chair and force him to talk. I'd advise to chill out with the contact for a few days, (you'll see how they advise no-contact on this site quite often.) and see how it goes from there. Chances are he will contact you. You will have to tell him it's important that you two talk face to face. Don't talk on IM, don't talk on the phone, talk face to face. If he's broken up with you, then he needs to be a man and tell you to your face. You also deserve to know why.

 

Maybe you can work it out, maybe you can. Take it easy, don't put the pressure on.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Also I don't see how you're responsible for his stolen LP's. He shouldn't have put anyone else in charge of something so valuable. They were his and he should have kept up with them. Don't let him blame you for that.

[WalrusMoustache]

I wish there were some universal sets of behavioral rules that guys followed, thus allowing me to offer helpful advice. However, there are no such rules. All I know is that I would never treat a girl in such an irrational and hurtful manner. My girlfriend is kind of doing the same thing to me, so I get how you feel.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA katcoloraodlost! Great to have you around here.

 

I am sorry to hear this situation is beating you down like this. Very sorry actually. I know how you feel.

 

How do I save things, how do I revive the thing we have? How do I make him talk to me. I can't chain him at a chair and make him talk. It's mean and I want him to make his own choices.

 

Well, I'd say he has made his decision. He's not talking, not claiming to be with you, he's gone. And I have learned the hard way, you can save the world, win Super Bowl MVP trophies, rescue children from burning buildings, and make it home for your mother's birthday party at the end of the day but you cannot make someone feel for you or "win" back past feelings.

 

What you can do is remain in a situation that is beating you down, robbing you of self-esteem and identity. Or you can take charge of your life and your happiness, cut this clean, and be way better off. It will hurt but it will be for the best.

 

Someone has to treat you well, and you're the only person who can do that at this point. He made his decision now make yours. And a box of records is going to be nothing compared to the loss of the treasure he had with someone sweet and good to him like you, one now available to someone who will appreciate and reciprocate such.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Hell yeah.

[arwen]

Hey kat,

 

I agree with the others, and I find it very odd behaviour on his side. I get the impression that he used that LP incident as an excuse to start a sort of 'fight', and then he could distance himself more easily.

 

I think it's clear he made his decision. You keep saying tha you did nothing wrong, hun, you probably didn't and that also means that it doesn't matter what you do right now. I mean he did this regardless of how sweet you were, that doesn't say anything about you, but it does about him.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[katcoloradolost]

thank you for your answers everyone..

i havent logged out since i wrote this, and i read the other post people made.. hoping to find answers for my own situation..

 

do i stop to talk to him completely or i remain near?

 

I am always in this chat room we go to.. only the two of us.. he knows i am always there, and if for any reason i am not, he then log on msn asking me..

If I don't pick up the phone, he will call me every 30 seconds to be sure i will answer..

So i just.. answer less?

 

I just texted my friend (the one who saw him) and he said "Eric said: woudn't say that" when he asked him "Are you and Kat dating?"

 

What if, he meant.. "woudn't say that we are more like a couple" or maybe he meant "woudn't say that" like.. no we arent dating..

 

i dunno.. Im gonna try one last time tomorrow to talk to him.. and then.. what do i do, cut the link completely or.. slowly? what's best??

 

Thank you again for your answers.

[arwen]

I think you are not doing yourself a favor by keeping in touch. I mean he KNOWS you will say yes to a relationship. So if he wants he can explicitly chase you whenever he wants to. If you keep in touch you will stay available for him, also to toy with you if he wants to. In other words, NC is about taking power back. Why do you go into that chatroom, if it is the place of just the two of you? Just ignore that place, come and join us on ENA (we also have fun forums if you just need some distraction), go wild on youtube or whatever, but stay away from him.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Yep, I'd cut the link completely. Don't continue giving him access to you, it's like giving him power over you. He knows you're readily available whenever he wants you.